EQUINOX
by Beauty-Jackson
Summary: Leah won't let herself get close to anyone again.Not even her own imprint. Jacob/Leah, Blackwater fanfiction R&R.
1. Prologue:Somewhere between the stars

**e·qui·nox**/ˈēkwəˌnäks/

Noun:

The time or date at which the sun crosses the celestial equator, when day and night are of equal length.

**Note:** Jacob never imprinted on Reneesme but does share a special bond with her.

**Pairing:** Leah/Jacob

**Prologue: Somewhere between the stars**

She had sprinted about three metres before she realised that the high heels she was wearing wouldn't permit a quick get-away. And now despite her best efforts, she could feel the sting of red hot tears running down her face.

_Shit._

It was then that she knew that she definitely couldn't stick around. She couldn't let them see her cry. She would rather die a slow painful death. Maybe that's what she'd been doing all this time, she pondered to herself as she slipped off the torture devices on her feet, picked them up and lambasted them through the air with all her might.

She was done. She had remained silent through their courtship, she had tried nonchalance through their engagement and today she had bitten her lip watching the man she loved marry her cousin. Leah Clearwater was officially done.

Done with Pain. done with anger, done with Love. DONE.

So she had slipped out of the reception party. She doubted anyone would miss her; after all, nobody ever missed her. Nobody needed her and it seemed glaringly apparent nobody wanted her.

Leah covered her face with her hands and for a second allowed herself to submit to her inner anguish and release a sob.

"Leah." A voice came from behind her, knocking her out of her anguish. She paused and bit her lip.

She didn't need to turn around, she could smell him; hear his thoughts. She knew it was Jacob Black standing there. Without turning around she tried to discreetly wipe away the tear stains on her face. "Go away Jacob." She managed to mutter.

"Leah...Are you OK?" Jacob asked again, he reached out to touch her shoulder lightly.

"GO AWAY!" Leah roared as she turned around and pushed him away with such venom and ferocity that he actually stumbled backwards; it took everything Jacob had not to snarl and lunge at her in attack. He probably would have, had he not seen the pain in her eyes. For a second it had been like she'd held up a mirror, for a second he had seen himself and it had stopped him dead.

Instead he paused and silently counted to ten, allowing his anger to die down. He was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to reach out and hold her tight but he didn't, she was too rabid with pain and rage. Way too liable to lash out and Jacob didn't relish the prospect of an ass kicking.

Instead he just watched her go. As the sun set and purples, reds and deep oranges filled the sky; he watched her run away like her life and sanity depended on it, into the oncoming darkness, towards the beach.

Jacob looked back at the rocking house. The speeches had been made and he could hear the party in full brain told him to go back to the party, find a bridesmaid to dance with, then down a few beers with Embry and Quil, but his heart...

Before he could talk himself out of it, he set off in search of Leah.

Running through the everglades it occurred to Jacob that Leah was fast, damn fast. Faster than all the boys, whether in human form or as a Wolf.

When Jacob finally reached the Beach at La Push he didn't have to try hard to find her. She cut a solitary figure out on the dark beach. She sat on the sand in lonely meditation. Her eyes glazed over as she silently watched the tide advance and retreat. The wind had picked up and blew listlessly through her short hair, turning it into a jet black flag.

Watching from a short distance, Jacob stood mesmerised. Leah Clearwater was Beautiful. Beautiful and deadly. Jacob shook his head and took a deep breath as he tentatively approached her.

His fears were completely unfounded; she didn't look up, flinch or acknowledge his presence. So he sat down beside her and joined her in contemplation of the sea.

A moment passed, then another and another still without a word spoken between the pair.

"How'd you do it?"Leah spoke first. In a voice so low that Jacob struggled to hear.

"Do what?" Jacob turned to her, studying her profile.

Leah kept her eyes to the horizon but spoke a little louder, "How'd you stop wanting Bella? How'd you stop hating her for not wanting you back?"

Jacob gritted his teeth and picked up some sand "I willed myself."

Leah made a face "Really?"

" It was hard but it was either that or end up twisted and bit- " Jacob stopped himself, before he finished the sentence.

"..and bitter,like me ,huh?" Leah asked, an unreadable smile that wasn't quite a smile plastered onto her lips.

"That's not what I meant." Jacob shook his head.

"Yeah..." Leah nodded "yeah it is, and frankly I don't blame you."

Sitting side by side, the pair fell into another comfortable silence. Seconds turned into minutes as the sky lost its colourful hue and began to darken.

"I wasn't always like this..." Leah said quietly, breaking the silent spell, almost apologetically.

"I know."Jacob looked at her, willing her to say more.

Leah exhaled loudly. "I just feel so, so ..." Leah paused, searching for the word "...I just feel so damn empty all the time." She bit her lip, as if contemplating whether to continue. "...and I'm lonely, Jake. Sometimes I think I'm going to die from the loneliness."

Leah began to shake .Despite the drop in temperature and the wind swirling around them, Jacob knew it wasn't from the cold but from the fact that she had just laid herself bare in front of him. Jacob reached out and pulled her to him, gently putting his arm around her shoulder. He was surprised at the lack of resistance, the ease with which she leaned into him.

"I should probably get used to being alone, though."Leah continued.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jacob asked, genuinely confused.

Leah looked at Jacob "What man would want me, Jacob? I'm damaged goods. I'm a chick that turns into a She -wolf. I don't know if I can imprint, let alone have babies..."Leah paused and swallowed the tears forming in the back of her throat "... and I have to keep cutting my hair, I feel like a dude..." she wailed.

"Well,if it's any consolation She Wolfs are pretty bad-ass."Jacob tried at a complement.

Leah rolled her eyes and stopped leaning on him,"Forget it. You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

"I'm not helpless like Bella, and I'm not pretty and homely like Emily. I don't feel like a girl anymore. I'm not attractive. Guys just don't find me sexy."

"You're way misguided."Jacob shook his head incredulously, "You're a straight 10...".Jacob blushed and looked away. He hadn't expected that to come out of his mouth, but it was true.

Jacob turning red wasn't lost on Leah "Whatever." She mumbled, suddenly becoming hyper self conscious.

"Well ,you would be a 10,if you weren't so scary." Jacob continued. A cheeky smile on his lips.

" don't seem so scared right now."

Jacob laughed "I'm petrified."

Leah laughed too "I'll show you petrified."She lunged at him, so fast Jacob didn't have time to react. She straddled him and began to tickle and pinch Jacob, who began yelling his surrender in between chuckles and belly laughs.

Leah was too busy trying to induce squeals that she hadn't noticed that Jacob had stopped squirming; instead he lay there looking up her. _Mesmerised_. Leah caught his eye and stopped as a frisson passed between them.

"You're gorgeous when you laugh." Jacob said staring up at Leah.

Leah paused, and then quickly dismounted Jacob. She straightened her clothes and licked her lips.

And just like that the moment had changed. Jacob sat up and dusted himself off.

Despite Leah's reluctance, she could still feel Jake's eyes on her "What?"

Jacob didn't answer.

"No, seriously...what is it?" Leah asked, running a hand through her hair for the umpteenth time.

"I was just thinking. How is it that I've known you damn near all my life and it's only now I'm actually getting to know you?"His gaze betraying his thoughts.

"Jacob Black, Are you getting fresh with me?"

"Would it do me any good if I was?" He shot back ,full of an unexpected bravery.

Jacob's eyes were suddenly piercing. His warm chocolate pupils had become an unreadable black. His molten stare made Leah acutely uncomfortable. She licked her now very dry lips."I don't understand..." Before she could utter another syllable, Jacob kissed her full on the lips, his tongue probing deeply, exploring her entire mouth. His kiss left her reeling.

"Does that help?"He asked as he released her. His intense gaze meeting her own.

Like a stroke of lightening, it occurred to Leah how much she wanted him right then and there. She wanted Jacob Black and if her senses were right, which they most certainly always were, he wanted her just as much. She could feel the tension, the palpable waves of lust emanating from him.

Something primal and animalistic kicked in and unable to contain herself she jumped on Jacob like a prize fighter, sending them both rolling down a miniature sand dune. Once they had stopped rolling, Leah clawed at Jacob's belt and dress pants. She pulled at his shirt and ignored the fact that she had ripped out half of his buttons. The need driving her was too great to give a Jacob was fully undressed Leah took a moment to cast an eye over his word _perfection_ sprung to her mind.

She gave him a look so wanton, so fragile, and so unbearably sexy that Jacob had to touch her. Jacob grabbed her with such authority, Leah almost melted. He could hear the sound of her heart reverberating in her chest, it echoed his own. He took his time undressing her, he was slow and deliberate, watching the frustration grows in her eyes. She was a wolf after all.

Once she was as naked as him, he scanned her face and then her body. He wanted to commit every inch of it to memory. He gently lifted her up and then lowered her on to the sand. His tongue trailed the length of her firm thigh until it found its home between her legs. Leah was on fire, every centimetre of her skin was ablaze. Gripping her lower body, Jacob flicked his tongue repeatedly over her private place. She bucked and convulsed as he found a steady rhythm .Finally a feral growl escaped Leah lips and then a scream and a few whimpers as she made her way back down from heaven.

Jacob took his time pushing into her, rubbing against her, until Leah had to beg him to stop. "Say my name." He growled in her ear, pinning her to the spot beneath him. Leah shook her head ,her eyes closed letting the beautiful sensation build between her legs. But Jacob was relentless, he had to be certain that she was seeing him and nobody else. "Look at me Leah." He growled sharp alpha-male tone of his voice forced Leah to open her eyes, it took a moment for Jacob to come into focus but once he did she looked straight at him and smiled, "Jake..." she groaned and gently used her hand to bring his head a little closer to hers, once there ,she found his lips and sucked hard. It was Jake's turn to be in raptures, he groaned hard and deep. He'd never had anyone make him feel like this before. "God, you're beautiful."He whispered against her lips.

As Jacob moved an inch ,the weight of him felt divine. As Jacob took his time with each devastating stroke, Leah dug her nails into his back and slowly bit down on his shoulder. Jacob Shuddered with delight.

Finally, mercifully Leah managed to flip them over. She was on top, where she liked to be both literally and figuratively. She set the pace, with a strong and steady grind that would have made a Lap dancer blush .She laid butterfly kisses along his sinewy neck, and traced his veins with her fingers, letting the smallest rake of her nails tease his Russet coloured skin. It felt so good that Jacob almost howled at the moon. Jacob stared up at Leah, bathed in moonlight and sweat; he could feel that at that moment they were completely attuned, so perfectly. His hands gripped her waist and held her steady whilst she exerted complete control over him.

The orgasm began to build slowly like the tide they were surrounded by,and when it came,with a force that neither of them had anticipated both of them were rocked, almost shaken by its intensity. The tiny ripples that flowed through Leah riddled up her spine and shook her to the core.

Staring into Jacob's eyes Leah was at once hit by an ache, a need. An almost...longing to stay just as she was at that moment, forever. This feeling was completely unfamiliar to her and it left her feeling both warm and vulnerable, safe but scared.

Despite the heat and passion, Jacob could sense a cooling on Leah's part. He reached up to caress her but she rolled away, and immediately began reaching for her panties, avoiding his eye contact.

"Leah?"Jacob asked confused "What's wrong?"

"Nothing..."She hooked her bra and slipped on her dress "...this is a public beach. We'll probably be arrested for indecent behaviour."

Jacob could feel the distance widening between them "Did I do something to upset you?"

"No." Leah replied,her back to him as she stood up and adjusted her dress. "Of course not, I'm fine."

They continued to get dressed in abject silence. Once they were both dressed by silent agreement they decided to walk back to the party.

As they made their way in what was now pitch black darkness, Jacob grabbed Leah by the shoulders and turned her around. Maybe he'd imagined the last hour, maybe he'd simply dreamed up the single most exhilarating experience of his life but he had to say this before he lost all nerve, before he let the woman he wanted slip further away . "I think I'm in Love with you,Leah."

Leah gasped,then shook her head and wiggled her way out of his grip. "Don't be an idiot !",she continued walking, eager to get away from the beautiful boy trailing her.

Jacob couldn't be swayed ,"I think...No, I know that I.." he continued

"Don't go there, Jacob!" she cut in quickly; she had no desire to hear the rest of his sentence.

Jacob ignored her plea "I imprinted on you this afternoon."

Leah stopped walking. Giving Jacob enough time to catch up to her. "How is that even possible? I've been your Beta…You can't stand me. I'm a harpy,remember?"

"I don't I know is that I imprinted on you, in the church while Emily was saying her vows." He said softly, "I looked over at you and all I could see was your light." Jacob softly cupped her face in his hands, his voice full of awe.

"God, Jacob! Why'd you have to go and ruin this!" Leah batted his hands away, then promptly covered her face with her hands.

"Cos' you were my first Leah and I think, my last. I don't regret it."

"Well maybe you should!" she all but spat.

Leah regretted the sentence the moment it left her mouth, but true to form she wouldn't take it back. Instead she would let it hang there between them in the hope that it would push him away. Biting her lip to quell the pain in her chest and the tears forming in her eyes, Leah continued to march on.

Jacob didn't say anything, but recoiled as though he'd been struck. "Why do you always do that, Leah?" He called out after a minute, wounded.

Leah stopped walking, turned around to face Jacob and met his warm chocolate brown orbs with her defensive ones "Do what?"

Jacob caught up to her, he leant forward and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear."Try so damn hard to be hard."He sighed with resignation.

"You're young Jacob, so maybe no one ever told you, but sex and love aren't the same thing." Leah looked at the ground trying to avoid the gnawing feeling to fall into His arms.

"So what are you saying?" Jacob looked perplexed; this wasn't how he had imagined it. When he'd seen her sneak out of the party he'd followed, he'd wanted to take his time to explain how he felt, what he felt and how he hoped they could put all their past differences aside and be together. He hadn't intended on consummating anything but now that they had he wasn't prepared to let her go without a fight.

"That it's no big deal...Just two friends, going through stuff who found comfort in each other."Leah bit her lip again; even the words rang false to her. God only knew how they sounded to Jacob.

Jacob rolled his eyes "There was nothing 'Friendly' about what just happened, Leah. I felt it, and I know you felt it too."

Leah turned on her heels and started walking again "I don't know what you mean."

She wanted to dig her heart out with a branch right there and then, stop it from beating and pounding hard for the werewolf besides her. It had never been this way, not even with Sam...

"It's Sam,huh?" Jacob gritted his teeth, interrupting her thoughts as he fell into step with her as they made it through the everglades into the forest clearing.

"No. It's not him..."Leah said slowing down. She promptly stopped walking. The sudden softness in her eyes took Jacob by surprise "Jacob, I'm broken..." a solitary tear rolled down her cheek.

Jacob stepped forward to wipe her tears away, to enfold her in his arms and kiss her scars away, ready to be the mate he was so sure she needed. But Leah stepped backwards and held out her hand to stop his approach. "No."

"Leah..." Jacob began.

"No, "Leah said again, her bottom lip trembling "I don't want this…I can't deal with this, I have to go, I have to get out of here…I…I…I'm sorry." And with that Leah turned and ran, she ran as fast as her bare feet would carry her. She ran with the sound of Jacob's voice ringing in her ears, his sent all over her skin and her heart doing its best to answer the cosmic call to the Alpha male she had just left alone in a Forest Clearing.

Leah ran, and ran. She ran through the Reservation and through Forks .It wasn't until she reached the town's limits and it's 'You are now leaving Forks, WA' that she stopped to take a breath. Disoriented, confused and fighting the urge to vomit Leah ,against her better judgement, stuck out her thumb. It wasn't until a Truck stopped besides her that she came to her senses.

"You getting' in or what?" asked the Trucker, a middle aged man with stringy grey hair and a trucker cap that said 'keep on truckin'.

Leah looked in the direction of her home, and then back at the Trucker "Where are you headed?"

"I can take you as far as Nevada," replied the Trucker, who quietly observed Leah's bare feet and unkempt party attire.

Leah took a deep breath, "That works for me."

"Well hop in."

Leah did just that, and with every mile that she got further away from her home, her heart throbbed a little harder. It wasn't until she and Trucker Willie reached a Service station 3 miles outside of Las Vegas did she realise that for the first time since she had become a wolf, she had gotten her period.

**TBC.**


	2. chapter 1:Life on Mars

**Chapter 1. Life on Mars**

**Pairing: **Leah/Jacob

**Soundtrack choice: **_Breathe by Delilah youtube_.com/watch?v=aJWsKyDtYGw

(To accompany your reading of the chapter.)

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all the characters.**

**Note: ****For some reason Fanfiction dot net keeps chopping out words and sentences from my stories. I don't know why or how to fix this, so sometimes whole sentences don't seem to make sense. So if it bothers you just send me a message and I will mail you the chapter as written.**

Leah pulled up and switched off the engine of her Chevy 84. She needed a moment to adjust, to take in the surroundings of a place that she hadn't seen in almost three years .Home.

There were cars, some that she recognized and others that she didn't, parked in front of her mother's house. She could smell them inside. And it made her uneasy. She hadn't spoken to anyone in the community besides the short phone calls to her mother and Seth every couple of months.

She unbuckled her seat belt, turned around and reached for her backpack in the back seat, she rifled through it until she found the invite. She skimmed it for the thousandth time:

_**'You are cordially invited to the wedding of Susan Clearwater and Charles Swan**_

_**…Who request the honour of your presence on 21 January.'**_

Leah's heart sank a little. She missed her dad.

"So, this is where you're from?" said a soft male voice, knocking Leah out of her reverie.

Leah blinked and then exhaled; she turned to the man sitting next to her, "Yep. Home sweet home."

"When you said you lived out yonder, you weren't lying."

Leah laughed "Shut up, Miguel." Leah playfully prodded her companion "We can't all be big city Babies like you."

The walk up the drive to the house seemed to take forever. Leah's mouth went dry and her guts dropped, she couldn't hear Miguel's incessant chatter through the pounding of her own heart against her ribcage. Her first instinct was to reach for her key, but thought better of it. After all, this wasn't her home anymore. She pressed the doorbell instead, and waited with both clammy hands clasped together.

Much to Leah's surprise it was Emily who opened the door. She was huge. At least 7 months pregnant and positively glowing with a cute long haired toddler attached to her hip. "Leah, Is that you!"

Leah smiled, she was genuinely happy to see her cousin. "It's been a while."

"I'll say." Emily used her free arm to reach for Leah in a half hug or as far as her belly would permit.

"Who is this?" Leah stroked the baby's face.

Emily smiled wider, her pride completely evident. "This is Reuben. Say hello to your Aunty Leah."

"Hi _ant-tee Leee-ah_." Reuben smiled; a big gap toothed smile then shyly hid his face in his mother's ample bosom.

"He is so big." Leah marvelled, not at the little boy who looked so much like Sam but at the fact that she didn't feel a thing. No hate, no Jealousy, no sorrow at what might have been hers, nothing.

"Yep. He'll be two in a couple of months…"

"Emily, Who is that!" came a familiar voice from the kitchen. Before Emily could open her mouth to answer, Sue Clearwater appeared like an apparition.

Sue paused and opened her mouth as if to say something then promptly shut it again. Her eyes began to tear and she lifted both her hands to her mouth to cover up a gleeful scream. "Leah."

Leah stood, fighting the urge to cry, holding her mother tight; her nose buried into the older woman's neck, "Hi mama." She whispered.

Once they had their fill of hugs and kisses, Leah stepped away from her mother and smiled at Miguel who had patiently observed the emotional homecoming.

"Mom, Emily. This is my friend from California, Miguel Torres."

Sue and Emily exchanged amused looks, which weren't lost on Leah who rolled her eyes but smiled anyway.

"It's lovely to finally meet you Mrs Clearwater, and Congratulations on your impending nuptials."

Sue smiled and shook Miguel's hand "Thank you Miguel. Please call me Sue."

Sue looked back over at her daughter, "I didn't think you'd come. I'd hoped …."Sue stopped and smiled, "And here you are."

Leah feigned a smile. She almost hadn't come, if it weren't for both Miguel and Angel talking her into not missing her mother's wedding, she never would have returned, she could already feel the memories begin to overwhelm her.

Once Leah had gotten a glass of water, and had dropped her and Angel's suitcases in her old bedroom Sue knocked on the door frame "The elders are holding a blessing celebration for me and Charlie on the Beach tonight. You and Miguel should come, Seth's already there and everyone would love to see you…"

Leah doubted that very much, she wasn't ready to face the community just yet and the thought of a confrontation or worse on the beach was enough to bring on a panic attack.

"Sounds fun, doesn't it Leah?" Miguel said a smile on his face as he unfolded a shirt.

Leah grimaced but nodded anyway. "Sure, Mom. We'll meet you there."

Once Sue, Emily and little Reuben had left for the party, Leah flopped down on her bed, "Thanks for nothing, Miguel."

Miguel laughed "You have to make an effort. Now get the hell up!"

Leah moaned, but got up anyway.

-x-

The drive to the beach was a pleasant, but quiet one. With Miguel admiring the Lush vegetation and Leah deep in thought. _What if he's there?_ _What do I say? What do I do? I wonder if he'll like my hair._

Once out of the car, Leah looked around at all the familiar faces. Her soul despite its eternal torment found a semblance of peace because she was back amongst her tribe, her kin, her people.

Neighbours, cousins, old school mates and family friends came over, offering hugs, kisses and asking a barrage of questions to her and Miguel. From the corner of her eye Leah spotted the Cullens and members of the Pack. Sam, Quil, Paul, Jared, Embry, and Seth laughing raucously until they saw her. At which point they stopped immediately and all turned their backs, except Seth who gave a small smile. Leah could deal with a cold shoulder or six, but she couldn't see Jacob and although she hadn't wanted to see him ,it hurt not to.

Suddenly Leah began to feel her centre of Gravity begin to shift. Leah felt him long before she saw him. She could sense him, almost taste him in the salty air. He was there; somewhere in the shadows, amongst the buzzing crowd of well-wishers just watching her and it unnerved her, but it excited her even more. She tried to fight the fizzing at the base of her gut, the light headedness and giddiness working its way through her nervous system. She could feel every hair on her body stand up on end, her nipples harden and her heart start to pound. It was strange how the body could recall what the mind tried so hard to forget. _Jacob_.

Three long years and she still craved him in the worst kind of way. It had taken her almost three long years to expel him from her mind, body and _soul_, and up until now she had believed that she had sufficiently done the job. But every inch of her core was screaming for him, the pull so acute that Leah had to bite down on her tongue and steady herself.

They'd only ever had one night together, but she could still remember every glorious detail; how it felt to be on him, wrapped around him, with him under the same starlit sky on this very beach. She had relived the moments over and over again, mostly when she was alone, under cover, in the dark, trying to summons his ghost with the touch of her own hands over her own burning flesh. It never quite worked, though. More often than not, she'd end up post climax with a heavy heart and feeling emptier than ever, just half of a whole that resided in the recesses of her memory on a moonlit beach in Washington State.

Some days had been worse than others, some days she couldn't see or feel past the pain of separation. Those were the days she had to barricade herself inside her apartment to stop the temptation to answer the call of his soul to hers. Those were the days that she was sure her heart would explode in her chest, and those were the days that she had spent curled up in a ball on the floor crying and screaming like a wounded animal. It was during one of these episodes that Leah decided that this perpetual state of heartbreak would be her cross to bear for the rest of her life because she had broken one of the Quileutes most sacred rules, she had wilfully walked away from not only her pack but from the one she had imprinted on. _Her Soul mate_.

Leah hadn't wanted to admit it but she had imprinted on Jacob that night, just as he had done on her. The night fate had chosen to bring them together in the most unforeseeable way on a windy secluded beach.

Leah closed her eyes for a second and shuddered. When she opened them again…

There he stood. _Jacob Black_.

He stood a short distance away from the celebration-Alone. He stared at her without blinking. Arms crossed, jaw clenched. She couldn't hear his thoughts anymore; he was doing his best to block her out, and the realization that she was no longer part of that privileged circle felt like a dagger to her heart. He was indecipherable but Leah was certain of one thing, and that was if looks could kill she'd be pushing up daisies right now.

Jacob's intense gaze held her to the spot, absolutely arrested. If Leah had forgotten how beautiful Jacob Black the boy had been, it hurt to have a devastating reminder of the outrageously stunning man she had known he would one day become. At almost twenty years old he was absolutely beguiling, but something about him seemed world weary and sad. Her primary instinct was to run over to him and envelope him in kisses and never leave his side again but she suppressed that thought with all of her might and looked away.

Each mental action seemed to have a physical reaction. Ignoring her need to be close to him, whilst he was in actual close proximity, left her feeling weak and breathless.

Paul Lahote and Rachel Black walked over to Jacob, and although Leah couldn't hear what they were saying, she was positive it had something to do with her by the way Rachel looked over at her with something strongly resembling disapproval. Jake simply nodded and looked down at the ground, Rachel began rubbing circles into his back.

" a drink?" Miguel asked obliviously, forcing Leah to shift her focus from Jacob to him.

"Sure." Leah said, as Miguel sauntered off towards the refreshments.

Without trying to be too obvious Leah returned her attention towards Jacob Black who seemed to have gotten into a heated conversation with his sister and Paul. It took her a second to realize that he had broken away from them and was walking towards her.

Leah began to panic. On a wide open beach with people chatting and dancing there really was nowhere to hide. She took a deep breath.

Jacob stopped a few feet in front of her.

"You're back?" He asked gruffly, in such a way that it sounded like a statement.

"Umm, yeah."Leah could feel her heart racing, her mouth drying "… Just for a few days. Just for my Mom's wed-ding." She stuttered.

Jacob didn't say anything, instead he held her gaze. The throng of happy chatty people around them seemed to fade into oblivion. She could hear it-his heart syncing with hers, but it was thunderous and deafening. In an instant a flash passed between them, a memory that only they had created. The memory of their lovemaking.

"Here you go."

Leah jumped in her skin, completely unaware of Miguel's presence. Leah clutched her heart that was now doing an Olympic sprint in her chest.

"Thanks,"Leah looked at Miguel who was holding two cans of _Mountain Dew. _She took one and looked at Jacob, who was now focussed on Miguel, with an expression Leah couldn't quite comprehend. It wasn't until the sound of a faint snarl that Leah recognized the look of complete contempt for her companion. In a matter of seconds Paul and Jared rushed over, and although they didn't touch Jacob, Leah could tell that they were doing their best to subliminally talk him down off of the proverbial ledge.

"Come and get some food Jacob." Paul said, his eyes never straying from his pack brother.

Jacob didn't move a muscle, but returned his unreadable gaze back to Leah. "No. Suddenly I've lost my appetite." He remarked coldly, as he walked passed her, away from the beach and into the dark.

Leah hadn't realized she'd been holding her breath, until Jacob had passed her and she gasped for air.

"Leah you're shaking." Miguel said, as he wrapped his arm around her.

Leah studied her hands. She was in fact shaking like a leaf.

"So that's _the_ Jacob, huh?" Miguel asked.

Leah nodded sadly, "That's him."

-x-

After Jacob left ,Leah couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief. She even accepted a dance with Charlie, who had been working up the courage to ask his soon to be step-daughter for a dance.

After a few more dances, Leah found a spot on the sand by the huge roaring bonfire. She watched the flames leap and dance, letting them hypnotize her.

"Walk with me?" Seth asked, having appeared from out of nowhere.

Leah looked around for Miguel, but he seemed to be fine, deep in conversation with her mom and Charlie Swan, so she nodded, safe in the knowledge that her mother would take care of her guest.

Leah accepted Seth's hand as he helped her up. Once up ,she dusted herself off and linked her arm with her brother's as they bobbed and weaved around party guests .Neither one said a word until they were yards from the beach, and the glow of tiki lamps and raucous chatter and crashing waves were a faint humming sound in the background.

"Are you allowed to talk to me?" Leah asked seriously.

Seth smiled and gripped Leah's hand a little tighter "You're my sister; Of course I'm allowed to talk to you."

A moment passed.

"You seem…."Seth took a moment to search for the words "…different. Calmer."

Leah smiled, "I do Yoga now."

"Oh you're fancy,huh?"

The two laughed and continued their easy pace. Leah inhaled and exhaled as she took in the night time scenery of her home. Had La Push always been so beautiful? Leah couldn't remember, she'd been in the wrong headspace to truly appreciate any of the beauty around her.

"You look good. You grew your hair out." Seth said appreciatively.

Leah instinctively reached for her hair. It was long now, with honey highlights and a feather cut "Yeah, Just something new I'm trying out."

"But doesn't all that hair get in the way, y'know…when you phase?"

"I haven't phased since I left here." Leah said "I haven't needed to. You know Vampires aren't big on direct Sunlight and California has plenty of that."

"California?" Seth asked, half puzzled and half amazed. "I thought you were in Vegas."

"I was for a while, then I moved to San Francisco.", Leah decided to use the opportunity to fill Seth in on where she'd been, what she'd seen and who she'd met in the time she'd been away.

Seth went quiet. Although Leah couldn't hear his thoughts, she had long severed that ability when she left, she could tell her brother had something to get off his chest.

"Seth, What is it?" She stopped walking, forcing Seth to stop as well.

Seth shook his head but failed in his half assed attempt at fooling the one person who had once known him best of all.

"SETH!"

Seth sighed, "Come home Leah. Please, It's not the same here without you. Mom misses you, I miss you, the guys miss you, Jake …"Seth stopped himself for a second.

Leah's heart leapt at the last word her brother had uttered, "What about Jake?"

Seth sat down on a moss covered rock. "You can come home. If you think Jake's gonna be a problem he won't be. He gets the message."

Leah's heart sank "He hates me doesn't he?"

Seth hadn't needed to ask about the who, what and whys his sister was alluding to, he knew. After all, the three had once shared the ability to hear each other's thoughts. He had lived out both his sister and Jacob Black's agony alongside them for a time until Leah's voice had faded and left him with the solitary scream of a heartbroken and tormented Jacob. "Yes." Said Seth evenly ", but he loves you more. Just like you love him."

Leah was flabbergasted. She stared down at her feet.

"Don't deny it." Seth said, reaching for his sister's hand again, thus forcing her to take a seat next to him. "But what I don't understand is why you left."

"I left because it was the decent thing to do."

"Decent for who?"

Leah blinked back tears, she didn't want to cry. She was afraid that she would never stop. "I was beyond messed up, I wasn't in a position to love or be loved. Jacob probably didn't see that at the time but I'm sure he does now."

Seth laughed, but it was laugh of condescension without humour or mirth." After you left, Jacob went to some pretty dark places."

"What do you mean?"

Seth took a deep breath, "About a year after you left, Jake tried to kill himself."

**TBC.**

(Reviews are much appreciated.)


	3. Chapter 2: Black Hole

**Chapter 2. Black hole**

Noun:

A region of space having a gravitational field so intense that no matter or radiation can escape.

A figurative place of emptiness or aloneness.

**Pairing: **Leah/Jacob

**Soundtrack choice: **

**I Can feel you by Delilah** /watch?v=k47-7un9r3g

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all the characters.**

**Note: ****For some reason Fanfiction dot net keeps chopping out words and sentences from my stories. I don't know why or how to fix this, so sometimes whole sentences don't seem to make sense. So if it does happen and it bothers you, just send me a message and I will mail you the chapter as written.**

Jacob rolled over and slowly opened his eyes. He had no idea where he was, his throat was burning and his head felt like it was about to explode into millions of tiny pieces. He sat up and rubbed his forehead. The hangover seemed to be spreading from his head to every corner of his body, pulling him down, rendering him a sluggish whimpering shadow of his former self.

She was gone. She'd been gone 10 months, 2 weeks, 5 days and so many hours. Each time Jacob allowed himself to think about the gaping hole she had left in his soul he had to stop himself from not only embracing the anguish but from letting it swallow him whole.

At first he'd taken up cliff diving from as high up as possible. He'd never seen the point or felt the urge to participate in the dangerous sport until Leah left, but the surges of adrenalin and endorphins shooting around his body, sending him on a temporary high as he descended towards the tumultuous sea, were a much needed sedative for a while, but the effects of that remedy had been too fleeting. So he'd needed to find something else to act as a painkiller.

Lately he'd taken to drinking to get drunk, drinking to completely blackout .It was the only thing that seemed to dim the pain. When he was drunk he couldn't think, he couldn't feel .When he was drunk he could pretend that life was what it used to be before her, before that night under the stars. _Before…_

Jacob got up and looked around the dinky motel room. As he picked up his wallet and leather Jacket he noticed a pair of pink lace panties thrown haphazardly over a tired old armchair. Jacob was pretty certain he was all alone in that hotel room now ,but for the life of him he couldn't remember who the frilly underwear belonged to.

He could feel the bile rising at the back of his throat. He didn't know if the oncoming sickness was a result of the alcohol or the disgust he felt for himself.

He didn't want to buy a fake ID to pick up a different college girl in a nightclub every night but it felt like he had no choice, it was either that or be alone and let the nightmares creep in. First it started with her voice in his head, going round and round like a pneumatic drill, then the dreams of her, so visceral that on one too many occasions he had awoken calling out her name whilst clutching a pillow. Jacob Black was in his own personal hell .So he needed those college girls with their smiley sing song voices, and playful laughs, and coy hair tosses and pouty cherry tasting lips to keep his demon at bay.

Jacob picked up the panties and tossed them in the trash can before he put on his sun glasses and opened the door. Getting on his bike, Jacob contemplated seeing his plan through to the end, the plan that had brought him this far away from home-following her scent, through the forests, highways and desert until he found her. But he was losing his nerve, he knew the rules of imprinting; he had to be whatever his imprintee desired, even if it meant never seeing her again.

Jacob did a U-turn in the quiet morning road and made his way back to La Push.

"So, the prodigal son returns." Paul said sarcastically, as Jacob rode up on his motorcycle to where the pack sat in the forest clearing. Jared let out a slight snicker .The other members of the wolf pack looked up but said nothing, as they watched Jacob dismount and walk lackadaisically over to them.

"Jake, where've you been for the past three days?" Embry asked.

"Around."

Embry and Jared exchanged looks. Quil shook his head; Sam crossed his arms and studied Jacob. They all knew the reason Jacob was acting out, but no one had said anything, nobody wanted to, nobody had the right to.

"We missed you man." Seth said, giving Jacob a friendly pat on the back. Jacob took off his sun glasses and looked around at the guys.

After a short silence It was Sam who spoke first ,"You smell like a brewery Jacob, maybe you should go home take a shower and sleep today off."

"Save your holier than thou, Sam." Snarked Jake, "I don't wanna hear it."

Sam shook his head , "I bet your Liver feels differently."

Jacob gritted his teeth ,his head was throbbing, "Well my liver is my business."

"How long do we have to put up with this! She's gone, Dude!" Paul interjected, "Leah is gone and she is never coming back…"

"Shut up,Paul", Seth warned.

"Well,it's true.I mean.."

Before Paul could add anything to his sentence, Jacob had already rushed over to him and wrapped his hand around Paul's throat and lifted him a centimetre off the ground.

"Say her name again…",Jacob growled and leaned closer ,whilst still keeping grip of Paul's neck "… and I will take your head off. Do you understand me?",he snarled.

Although Paul had never been scared of Jacob, something about the look in Jacob's eyes and the menace with which he spoke sent chills up Paul's spine, each syllable had been laced with such anger and venom,that Paul was rendered completely incapacitated by Jacob's eyes which were now unreadable and dark.

"Jacob!" Sam and Seth yelled in unison, as they leapt up to Paul's defence.

Jacob didn't let go, so it was up to Quil and Embry to launch themselves at Jake in what might have been the greatest football tackle in history. All four members of the pack went tumbling to the ground with an earth shattering thump, forcing Jake to relinquish his grip. Paul wheezed and spluttered.

"Are you alright ?",Sam extended a hand to Paul and helped him up.

Jacob looked around at the Pack as if he was seeing them for the first time after being awoken from a deep sleep. He looked down at the hand that had previously been wrapped around Paul's neck in disbelief. "I'm sorry." Jacob whispered, suddenly ashamed of his actions.

"Go home Jacob." Sam barked, "Go home now before I drag you there."

Jacob had unsettled the group and had outstayed his welcome. Without argument he got on his bike and headed home toward the wrath of Billy Black.

It wasn't until Jacob had disappeared from the landscape that Jared turned to Paul and asked, "Why didn't you do something? Why'd you let him grab you like that?"

"When someone's already in that much pain, there's nothing you can do to hurt them." Paul shrugged, "Besides, I promised Rachel."

-x-

Sam couldn't let it go on like this.

He had been leader for too long to let his Pack unravel like it had. So he had packed a bag, kissed Emily and her baby bump goodbye with a promise that he'd be gone no longer than a week and got into his pickup truck.

Staring at her from across the Coffee shop he almost hadn't recognized her. She looked the same but different. Some of the changes were physical but something about the way she moved, smiled and weaved her way around patrons as she poured coffee and took orders made Sam aware that some of those changes were definitely spiritual. Her energy was different. _Good different?_ He wasn't sure, but different nonetheless.

Her Russet skin was now a beautiful golden caramel colour, a hallmark of the Californian sunshine, and her hair was beyond short. Leah was sporting a buzz cut and two pierced ears. She looked cool and renegade. Absolutely beautiful and totally at ease with San Francisco's Bohemian atmosphere.

"Hey, Welcome to _Angel's Delight_, may I take your order?"

Sam took his Sun glasses off and looked up at the smiling waitress.

Leah paused, her mouth wide open as if she had just seen a ghost.

"Hey,Lee-Lee." Sam said quietly.

Leah inhaled quickly ,she began to shake as she looked around at the Buzzing café, she wanted to know if any other members of the pack were around, she wanted to know if _he_ was here. But she couldn't feel him, see him or hear his voice in her head. Once satisfied that _he _was not, she breathed a sigh of relief. "What the hell are you doing here, Sam!"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"It's not like I escaped from Shawshank , I left home." Leah put her pencil and pad in her apron pockets, "People do it all the time."

"Not our People." Sam said bluntly, "Sit down, we need to talk."

Leah grimaced, "I have absolutely nothing to say to you. I have to get back to work."

Sam reclined slightly and picked up a menu ,"Fine, I can wait .I hear the Salade Niçoise is pretty righteous."

Leah bit down on her tongue, willing herself not to cry. "Fine. My break's due anyway. I'll be back."

Sam watched Leah carefully as she made her way across the café, he half expected her to break out into a sprint towards the exit, but no, she approached a handsome African American man with dreadlocks tied in a bun and pointed over in Sam's direction. The man looked up, nodded and continued serving coffee.

Leah came back and slowly sat down opposite Sam.

"It wasn't hard to find you."

Leah smiled sarcastically, "Well, we are glorified Dogs, Sam .All you had to do was put your nose to the ground."

Sam smiled, same old Leah, at least some things never changed. "Seth and your Mom are good."

Leah's façade dropped at the mention of her family. She missed them so much it actually hurt. "Do they know you're here? Do they know where I am?"

"No." Sam shuffled the salt and pepper shakers. Leah could detect a hint of nerves. "What's with the hair?"

Leah smiled and ran a hand over her almost –bald head. "Blank slate. Fresh start."

Just then, the guy with the dreads approached their table holding two cappuccinos and French toast. "Hi, I'm Angel, Leah's Boss." Sam could detect a slight Jamaican accent .Angel put the coffee and plates in front of them, then extended his hand in Sam's direction, "Nice to meet you, man."

Sam was reticent but shook Angel's hand anyway.

"Y'know sometimes I think Leah fell from the sky, she never talks about her home or her family and friends."

Leah could feel her face burning up as she felt four eyes on her. Sam didn't smile; Leah, his precious Leah had become tribe-less.

"Well, I'll let you catch up." Angel smiled at Leah as he headed towards a couple who had just entered the Café.

"Angel's the coolest, his uncle used to be a session player for Bob Marley back in the seventies. He's lived all over the world and studied cooking in Paris. Can you believe that?" Leah asked in awe, as she picked up her cup and took a sip

Sam frowned, "Are you sleeping with him?"

Leah almost spat out her coffee, "No! How dare you ask me that?"

Sam sighed, "I'm sorry. I had to ask, I had to know if there was anything holding you here."

Leah looked Sam dead in the eye, "You should know more than anyone that simply sleeping with someone doesn't hold you to them."

Sam felt like he had been verbally punched in the gut. Leah bit her lip, she shouldn't have said that. She and Sam were history, had been for a while now, but she wanted to prove her point, that she was no longer any concern of his.

"I want you to know something Leah. I need you to know that I tried to ignore what I felt for Emily, I tried with everything I had." Sam tried to reach across the table for Leah's hand but she moved out of reach.

"You think me leaving was to do with you?" Leah asked incredulously. _Sam and his friggin' ego._

"Yes." Sam answered simply, "I think it's to do with me. I think it's to do with Emily, I think it's to do with your Dad, I think it's to do with the pack and I think it's to do with Jacob."

Leah didn't try to fight the tears rising to the surface, the same tears that began to slide down her beautiful face. She cursed Sam Uley for being able to see right through her and then she cursed herself for letting him see through her.

Sam wanted to reach for her, scoop her up and wipe away her tears but it wasn't appropriate, it wasn't his place. So he waited for Leah to gather herself. And so they sat in silence, playing with their food, watching the throng of people walk along the Café's sidewalk, for what seemed like an eternity.

It was Leah who spoke first, "It turns out that you can ignore your imprint, you can fight it, and you can supress it."

Sam looked at Leah. He stared at her hard, as if looking for a crack in her ice cold veneer. It was a look that Leah didn't particularly care for; it was a cross between incredulity and pity. "Why would you even want to supress it, Lee-Lee?"

"Don't call me that!" Leah snapped, so loud that everyone in the vicinity stopped to crane their necks and look in her direction.

Sam frowned. "."

Leah bit her lip, then sighed, "I imprinted, I didn't even think that I could…I imprinted on Jacob Black of all people."

Sam nodded. "It's scary isn't it? Suddenly loving someone more than you ever thought possible, needing someone more than you've ever needed anything in your life."

Leah nodded, wiping her eyes.

"I get it Leah, I do." Sam reached for Leah's hand and this time she let him take it. Sam inwardly smiled, he was starting to feel like she was thawing out a little, like she might actually come home with him, "But it's also exhilarating and freeing, knowing that no matter who you are or what you do, someone loves you unconditionally just like you love them."

Leah's eyes seemed to soften a little more.

"Come home with me Leah."

And just like that, the mention of home seemed to snap her out of whatever spell she had been under, "You drove 1423 Km just to tell me that? You should have saved your energy and your breath because it's not going to happen."

"Don't be like that Leah."

"It was nice seeing you Sam …" Leah stood up, "But after today I don't want to see you or any of _your_ _friends_ ever again." She couldn't bring herself to say _his_ name out loud.

Sam stood up too, "If you don't come back with me we'll have to disown you."

Leah shrugged "I don't care."

"You don't mean that."

"Yes I do." Leah took a deep breath and summoned every ounce of strength she had to begin walking away, "Don't forget to tip your waiter." she added, but didn't look back as she headed for a door that read 'STAFF ONLY'.

-x-

Jacob walked into the strip club and spotted her immediately. She wore a thong and feather boa ,and was busy gyrating to a rap song.

She was definitely the one. So, Jacob made his way towards the girl that looked so similar to the one he was trying to forget.

"How much for a private dance?" Jacob asked, without getting too close.

The girl turned to look Jacob over, "35 bucks."

Once they'd agreed, the girl took Jacobs hand and led him into a back room. The room was covered in purple velvet and leopard skin throws. Jacob took off his Jacket and sat down on a plush looking seat.

"You're Quileute,right?", the girl asked, admiring Jacob's tattoo. Jacob nodded. "Cool. I'm Yakama." she smiled.

"What's your name?" Jacob asked as he handed her thirty five dollars.

"Sparkle." The girl answered.

"No. What's your real name?"

The girl looked uncertain, but told him anyway. "Nora."

Jacob nodded. Nora was beautiful; she had the same build, same height and same skin colouring as Leah. But her disposition was much too cheery.

Jacob reached for his wallet, "How much to let me call you Leah?"

"Ten will do."

Jacob handed her the money, and watched as she turned on the music, "Tell me that you hate me and that I suck."

Nora looked puzzled, "what?"

Jacob was not proud of himself but today had been one of those days when the pain was so intense that he couldn't breathe. A blonde college student wasn't going to cut it. He needed to feel her, to touch her. He needed to pretend.

Jacob handed Nora another ten bucks. "Leah, tell me that you hate me, that I suck." Jacob repeated.

"I hate you. You suck." Nora said evenly, as she began a slow bump and grind on Jacob's lap.

Jake shook his head "NO…say it like you mean it."

Nora looked slightly shaken but mustered up the courage to put a little spite behind the words she was being paid to say. "I hate you; you're a loser .You suck at Life!"

Jacob smiled.

-x-

As Jacob left the strip club and made his way home he looked up at the stars in the sky, wondering if Leah was out there somewhere longing for him, just as he was longing for her. Jacob sat on his bike, but didn't start the ignition. He was a little drunk, but most of all he was tired. His soul was tired of trying to find Leah in every girl he met, he was tired of feeling like his world was covered in thick smog. He was tired of being stuck in a black hole.

Jacob dismounted his bike and began to walk; he wasn't sure where he was going until he reached train tracks.

It wasn't until a train went speeding past that the idea came to him. He needed a buzz, because clearly the alcohol and strippers hadn't worked, he still had a Leah sized hole in heart.

Jumping on the course of an oncoming train, Jacob counted to three before leaping out of its way. The adrenalin of train dodging coursed through his body. And there he stayed leaping from track to track as each oncoming train got nearer.

"Jacob!"

Jacob looked around unable to see anyone or anything. He was certain that someone had called his name.

Jacob shook it off and waited for the next train. It was in that moment that he decided that maybe he should just end it all. Death had to be sweeter than this hell he was permanently trapped in.

Jacob heard the chug of an oncoming train and stood a little straighter, as it got closer and closer the bright lights began to shine a little brighter, the train's whistles and horns got louder but Jacob stood his ground. Jacob closed his eyes, confident that in less than five seconds it'd all be over.

It was then that Jacob felt the force of something huge and fast grab hold of him and throw him through the air, far from the tracks.

Jacob went rolling through dust and bushel .After a minute; he opened his eyes and was met with a familiar wolf standing over him.

"Seth! How'd you know I was here?"

"I can hear your thoughts, remember."

Jacob's guts dropped. He didn't want anyone else to know what had just been about to happen. He didn't want the pity or the suicide watch that he was certain would come the moment the Pack heard about this.

"You were gonna try and kill-" , Seth couldn't bring himself to complete the sentence .

"No, I wasn't." Jacob got up and began dusting himself off. "It was just some fun. I'm fine."

Jacob didn't say much after that ,but for the remainder of the Journey back to La Push, Seth stayed close to his friend.

**TBC.**

(Reviews are much appreciated.)


	4. Chapter 3:Venus, Jupiter and Mars

Chapter 3. Venus, Jupiter and Mars

**Pairing: **Leah/Jacob

**Soundtrack choice:**

**Wolf and I by Oh Land /watch?v=V4wHMORwlHY**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer all the characters.**

Leah stopped running .She took her IPod earphones out of her ears and hung them around her neck as she bent over, hands on knees to catch her breath. The snap of a twig made her heart jump, she was alert. She straightened up and looked around the forest, past the shrubs, up into the trees and beyond, but she couldn't see him.

She could feel him. _Jacob_ .He was there with her, in the forest watching her, silently hidden from sight. Leah looked around once more. It was no use, she couldn't see him. He didn't want her to see him. But she could feel him with every fibre of her being. He was out there, watching her closely.

It had been this way every single day this week. She had gone for an early morning run, just before sunrise when she couldn't sleep , which unfortunately turned out to be every single night since Seth's revelation. _Jacob had tried to kill himself_. _Her Jacob_. Leah could hardly breathe for thinking about the possible outcomes.

Upon entering the Forest around La Push she was always overwhelmed by Jacob. It wasn't all in her mind, she didn't only feel him but she instinctively ached for him. For everything he had been through on account of her. Her body seemed to come with an invisible switch that only his presence could activate; and it was painful. _Deliciously painful_. Every hair on her body stood up in salute and her heart began palpitating, sending reverberations through her entire body. Instead of being defeated by this insatiable need for him, she used it to propel her through the forest at break neck speed, silently willing him to come along. Happy to have him close by, happy to know that he was still alive.

Leah shook her head and gritted her teeth as she stretched; she couldn't wait to get back to California and her life. She couldn't go on like this, silently going mad; the incessant need, the guilt and the constant reminders. What confounded her most was the fact that she didn't want to stay but now that she was back she wasn't sure she'd be able to go.

Every time she thought of the past three years and what she hadn't told her mother or Brother or Jacob, she found it hard to breathe. There was so much she still hadn't told them, but every time she tried, the words seemed to dissipate. Miguel did his best, giving her supportive hand squeezes under the dinner table and small back rubs when her mother wasn't paying attention but with all the wedding preparation ,an appropriate opportunity had never arisen to really talk to her mother. How could she break it to her mother that …

Leah shook the thought away for the millionth time and prepared to set off again, when something caught her eye.

There he was. He stood proud, high on a rock looking down at her, in Wolf form. His reddish brown coat glistening under the streams of early morning sunlight reflecting off of the leaves, and his dark eyes full of intensity, almost as if challenging her. Their eyes locked for what seemed like an eternity.

Once Jacob was sure that she had seen him, really seen him, he turned and disappeared back into the Forest as quietly as he had come, leaving Leah alone with the sound of her heart pummelling the ribcage in her chest.

-x-

Thank God for Seth, Leah thought once she'd managed to regain her composure and make it home. Seth had taken Miguel out according to a post it note left on the fridge and her mother hadn't come back from Charlie's. Leah had a quick shower and got dressed. Skinny jeans, black ballet flats and a white linen shirt. She reached for her car keys and got in her car, hardly stopping to question her actions. She was being driven by a force she had no control over. For reasons she couldn't understand she felt a need to rise to the challenge he'd set out in the woods. The one that dared her to go see him. With some trepidation Leah drove the familiar route all the way to the Black place and parked as the heavens opened up and began pouring down with swollen drops of rain.

_Fucking Washington State! _Leah thought to herself as she contemplated each drop of rain that hit her windscreen, trying to summons the courage that had gotten her this far. She remembered that she didn't have an umbrella, so cussed again. What she wouldn't give for the Californian sunshine right now. Sunshine made everything seem alright. She was losing her nerve, she could feel her faux bravery slipping out of her like sand through an hourglass, but he had tried to kill himself, so she needed to see him. _She loved him_.

Leah grimaced and shook her head. No, she didn't love him, she told herself unconvincingly. Love implied some sort of choice and she had no choice when it came to Jacob Black.

By the time Leah made it to the Work shed she was soaked to the bone. The white linen shirt she had settled on was now very see-through and clung to her black bra. Her hair ,also wet was now matted to her face, but Leah persisted and pulled the shed's door wide open. She spotted Jacob instantly, he was crouched Low, a screw driver in hand, in front of what appeared to be a carburettor. At the sound of somebody entering his work space he looked up with a smile only to let it turn into a scowl once he saw who stood before him.

Leah took a tentative step towards Jacob. "I want you to stop stalking me."

Jacob dropped his screwdriver and stood up slowly, pulling a rag out of his back pocket and slowly wiping his hands ,he discarded the rag on the didn't say anything, but his eyes stayed dark and fixated on Leah Clearwater.

The silence unnerved Leah, "I mean,it can't be healthy…It's freaking me out.I want us to be …friends again.."

Jacob still said nothing .

"….or maybe not." Leah said quietly, desperately trying to tune into what Jacob was thinking. She'd never known him to be like this, so dark and seemingly dangerous. She knew he'd never hurt her but this Jacob scared her.

"What is it that you want from me, Jacob!" Leah asked imploringly.

After a minute passed Jacob spoke. "I'd say _your Love_ but last time I did that, you disappeared for three years." Jacob tried nonchalant sarcasm, but his words, laden with hurt and past recriminations hung heavy in the air. Leah and Jacob stood in silence. Him fighting the urge to kick a hole in the wall and her the urge to cry.

It was beyond awkward as the silence expanded, engulfing them both. Neither of them moved, instead they stood there frozen, both completely incapable of speaking or moving away.

"Jacob,I just wanted you to be happy.I still want that."

"yeah,well I guess being any kind of happy is better than being miserable over somebody you can't have,right Leah?"

That did it . Hearing Jake mimic words she had said years before after Bella's wedding made her feel nauseous . Her body gave an involuntary jerk back and away, as though she'd just been burnt. "I shouldn't have come here."

"Yeah, maybe you shouldn't." Jake spat as he threw his hands up in surrender.

Jesus, she couldn't breathe. "I don't know what you expect from me Jacob."

"How about the truth?"

"And what's that?"

"That you love me." Jacob said, full of conviction "and that's why you ran."

Leah's eyes began to water, she wasn't sure if she could stand seeing his pain this close, she was afraid her mask would slip and he'd see her own.

Jacob was trying for hatred but instead Leah could see him visibly lose the battle and soften despite his best efforts, and now his beautiful face radiated nothing but warmth that she didn't deserve. Warmth that he had no control over.

Having mustered up courage, Jacob took a confident step closer to Leah, closing the gap between them. As he stood in front of her, close enough to feel her body heat, Leah closed her eyes and winced,so sure that he was going to lash out at her but instead he cupped her face in one gentle hand. He smelt like Gasoline and everything good in the world.

Leah wanted to run away…far far away…No, she wanted …to melt into his arms and believe.

Paralysis and need kept her from dodging his touch. She needed this, to be touched by him, if only in the smallest of ways.

"Remember when we were on the Beach and you said how you wished you could imprint on anyone to stop you wanting Sam?…" he began.

Leah thought back to yesteryear and nodded slightly. Too wrapped up in the feel of Jacob gently caressing her face.

"What you really meant was that you wanted anyone _but me." _Jacob said sadly. "I knew you disliked me but I didn't think the idea of us would be so repugnant to you,It wasn't to me…"

"Is that what you think?" Leah shook her head, "That's not true." She whispered. Leah thought long and hard back to that windy day on the beach ,watching the rest of the Pack and their respective mates and the envy she had felt."Do you remember what **you** said?

Jacob looked momentarily confused.

"You said that the guys in the pack didn't belong to themselves anymore, that the sickest part was that their genes told them they were happy."

"That doesn't count. I was a kid, but I'm not anymore."

Leah gasped as Jacob grabbed her waist .But before she could say anything or react; Jacob claimed her mouth in a heart stopping kiss. Their tongues met and mated passionately, Leah couldn't help but moan at the sound of Jacob softly growl .

It was at that moment Leah decided that she would let him do anything he wanted to her, she'd let him take her, up against his work bench or on the dusty dank floor .She just didn't have the spiritual strength or inclination to stop him. _She loved him_. Not a damn thing had changed . Three years of hell had done nothing to quell the desire burning a trail through her soul and into her heart.

But Leah's conscience couldn't entertain the idea of making love to Jacob again, not like this,not until they had talked. _Really talked. _There was still so much unsaid, important things that needed to be said but as Jacob's soft full lips worked their magic laying butterfly kisses along her throat, Leah couldn't help but let herself surrender to the good feeling. "_Jake…_" she moaned. "_We need to ..talk.."_

The sound of the Shed's wooden door being roughly pulled open forced the two to spring apart.

In stepped a girl who didn't seem to notice Leah and Jacob quickly wiping their mouths and adjusting their clothes. Instead, the girl seemed to be wrestling with her umbrella . Jacob and Leah collectively sighed a sigh of relief. At least it wasn't one of the Pack.

"It's crazy out there!",the girl said as she finally shook her umbrella and put it to rest against the wall."Hey Bub." The girl smiled at Jacob as she walked over to him and planted a kiss on his cheek.

Leah quickly sized the interloper up. She was pretty. Undeniably so, and feminine. The girl wore a jean skirt and red platform sandals. They were about the same height and same colouring, but the girl had big beautiful hazel eyes. Leah could feel an invisible dagger hit her chest as she watched the girl wrap her arms around Jacob's waist and rest her head on his shoulder.

Leah's shocked eyes met Jacob's expressionless eyes.

"Hi I'm Nora." The pretty girl turned and held out one of her hands in Leah's direction. "You must be Leah."

Leah looked confused, "Do we know each other?"

Nora smiled even wider "No, it's just that Jake has mentioned you a lot. He told me you were the only girl in the pack."

Leah slowly nodded, she felt like she was going to be sick. She took Nora's hand, and so strong was the contempt she felt for this woman that for a second she considered crushing Nora's hand with her wolf strength, but instead opted to gently shake it and release it.

"So,Bella and Edward told us over dinner that you're back in town for your Mom's wedding. I love weddings."

_Bella?Dinner with Bella and Edward?_ Although dinner with the blood sucking Leeches didn't personally appeal to Leah it did sound cosy, the kind of thing couples did. Leah could feel her heart begin to puncture. Leah berated herself, She cursed the minute she had ever decide to come see Jacob. She should have left it alone.

"Nora, What are you even doing here?" Jake asked, not unkindly but slightly detached as he kept his eyes trained on Leah.

"We have Lunch plans,remember?" Nora smiled affectionately as she gently ran her fingers through Jakes hair. "You forgot,huh?"

Jacob shifted his focus from Leah to Nora. "I did .I'm sorry ,babe. Can I take a rain check? It's just that Leah and I have some important things to talk about."

"NO!" Leah practically screamed , causing both Nora and Jacob to jump a little "..I mean, don't let me mess up your plans. You crazy kids go have fun." She had to get away from this, from them .It was too much for her to handle. If she stayed a second longer she'd be forced to scratch out Nora's beautiful eyes.

Jacob's expression was now completely unreadable, as his eyes went from an inviting brown to an enigmatic black. "We still need to talk."

Leah looked down at the ground, "No we don't. I think we've said everything that needs to be said. I think we're done." Mustering up an inner strength she didn't feel, she met Jacob's eyes, "Be happy, Jake."Leah said,willing herself not to cry. "It was lovely meeting you Nora."

Nora smiled good naturedly and returned the sentiment.

Leah turned on her heels and exited the work shed and ran through the miniature monsoon to her car, where she cried for what she now knew she should never have given up.

TBC.


	5. Chapter 4 : Armageddon

**Chapter 5. Armageddon **

**ar·ma·ged·don**/ˌärməˈgedn/

Noun:

(in the New Testament) The last battle between good and evil before the Day of Judgment.

The place where this battle will be fought.

**Pairing: **Leah/Jacob

**Soundtrack choices: **

_Twice by Little Dragon _youtube. com/watch?v=yedD4JsZyT0

Withdraw by Kimbra youtube. com/watch?v=sqeDUf7mZic

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all the characters****.**

"Every time I turn around you're on your phone." Sue Clearwater glared at her daughter. "I know that this isn't your sort of thing, but do you think that for one afternoon you could give me your full undivided attention?"

Leah looked guiltily at her Cell phone. She couldn't reach Angel, she'd been trying for the best part of two days and now she was silently hysterical. The redirection to Angel's voicemail meant one thing and one thing only, he couldn't get reception because he was on his way to Washington .Leah could feel a headache coming on, this was the last thing she wanted after being privy to Jacob and his fragile state of mind. She didn't want to push him over the edge, she'd caused him enough pain and didn't want to compound it. If she could have gotten hold of Angel she would have told him to abort mission. But now was too late…

Leah took a deep breath and slipped her phone into her handbag. "Sorry Mama." she said sincerely as she linked arms with her mother, "You have my full attention."

Spending an afternoon traipsing through Bridal shops with her mother and Bella Cullen whilst Seth took Miguel to Seattle for the day to find some old vinyl records for the wedding reception party that Miguel had graciously volunteered to DJ at for free, wasn't her idea of fun. But her mother had held off buying a dress just so she could include her daughter in the preparation, to say Leah felt obligated would have been an understatement. Leah looked at herself in the mirror. The Bridesmaid dresses that Bella and her mother had picked out were truly beautiful. "Are we almost done?" Leah asked.

"We're waiting for one more." Sue smiled apologetically.

The dress fitter nodded.

Leah who had earlier declined champagne and had started fiddling with a fake floral arrangement, looked up at her mother "who?"

Sue took a sip of her champagne and set herself down on a pink chaise lounge. "Jacob's friend , Nora."

Leah nearly jumped out of her skin. "What do mean ' Jacob's friend, Nora' ?"

"Well she's a nice girl and I asked her to be my other bridesmaid." Sue simply shrugged .Leah was astounded "Why would you do that, you barely know the girl !"

Sue flicked through a Bridal magazine, "Well she and Jacob have gotten very close over the past two years and I thought it would be a nice gesture, besides you'll love her, she's great.."

_A nice gesture! _Leah had wanted to tell her mother where she could stick her 'nice gestures' but thought better of it, and gritted her teeth_. _"Couldn't you have asked Emily? At least she's family."

"Emily is very pregnant at the moment, the last thing she needs is to be standing all day. And with you as my maid of honour, I didn't want Bella out there on her own as bridesmaid."

Leah groaned just as she caught Bella's apologetic eyes. They politely nodded to each other. Whilst they were no longer mortal enemies , both women knew they would never be the best of friends despite their parents marrying one another.

Before long Sue was looking down at her watch tutting, and wondering out loud where Nora Cadotte could possibly be at this time. By tacit agreement the women went ahead with helping Sue up on a pedestal for her final wedding dress . The store attendant crouched down and begun pinning the dress in appropriate places.

-x-

"Why don't you try on a dress?"

It was as if the voice came out of nowhere. Leah who had been daydreaming looked down at the white silk garment in her hand. "Me ?...No ,I couldn't." ,she smiled bashfully ,as she quickly hung the wedding dress she'd been holding back up and blushed.

"Yes, please do." Sue called out," This might be my only chance to see my only daughter in a wedding dress."

Leah grimaced, "Thanks for the vote of confidence mom."

Sue laughed from her pedestal "I'm only joking."

But Leah didn't find it funny. She knew there was a cold hard truth behind her mother's words and playful delivery. Bella who was now on the other side of the room carefully sorting through another batch of taffeta ,lace and silk wedding dresses, looked at Leah intently and smiled. "You'd look amazing in that dress. You should try it on."

Leah didn't know if it was the sincerity in Bella's voice or the feel of the silk garment in her hand but she lifted the dress back off its rack and headed to the fitting rooms.

When Leah emerged a few minutes later she was met by the shocked faces of Bella, Sue Clearwater and the Bridal shop staff.

"What?" Leah looked down at the white silk dress and suddenly felt completely naked and embarrassed.

"Whoa!" Bella said, barely able to contain the smirk on her face.

Sue Clearwater who still stood on a pedestal whilst the assistant fitted her long sleeved, fish tailed organza affair, looked close to tears as she held both her hands over her mouth. "Beautiful,baby. Absolutely beautiful."

Bella walked over to Leah "May I?", she asked. Leah wasn't exactly sure what it was Bella was asking until Bella gently pulled her towards a mirror. The feel of Bella's ice cold hands on her warm skin surprised Leah for a second , a fact that wasn't lost on Bella who was also momentarily thrown by their proximity. Despite Bella's trepidation she didn't flinch as she proceeded to fix Leah's hair into a scruffy chignon ,pulling down tendrils to frame Leah's face, Bella couldn't help but smile at her impressive handy work. Whilst it wasn't a perfect chignon, Alice and Rosalie would have been proud.

Bella stepped aside to allow Leah to enjoy her reflection. Leah stood in awe of an image that she did not recognise; so beautiful ,so graceful, so feminine, so unlike the Leah Clearwater she'd been for so many years.

It was in the midst of her reverie that her eyes suddenly connected with two chocolate brown orbs staring intently at her through the reflection of the mirror. Jacob Black's familiar eyes on her, connecting with her own awestruck gaze. Leah rubbed her eyes, she couldn't possibly be dreaming. She turned around and there he was, not a mirage or a manifestation of her desires . she hadn't heard him enter the shop but he was as real as the thumping in her chest that threatened to throw her across the room.

Jacob didn't say anything, instead his eyes left her face and travelled down the length of her body ,slowly, decadently devouring her without moving a limb. Leah could feel herself begin to tremble under the intensity of Jacob's gaze. She felt fragile as if a single gust of wind would knock her down. She wanted to close her eyes and disappear but something about the way she saw herself reflected in his eyes held her to the spot in which she stood. There in Jacob's eyes was everything she'd ever wanted to be, perhaps even everything she already was. Lust or awe, maybe a little of both ,she couldn't tell but either way it felt enchanting….and then suddenly oppressive. The burden of what they would never have ,a wedding day.

"Oh my God, Leah! You look like a Goddess…" Nora squealed, breaking the silent spell being cast between the two wolves. "Doesn't she look like a Goddess, Jake?" Nora didn't wait for a reply as she stepped out from behind Jacob and went over to sue.

"Jake , what are you doing here?" Bella asked with a smile on her face, as she greeted her best friend with a kiss and a hug.

"Nora needed a lift." Jacob's dark eyes never really leaving Leah, Suddenly it all became too much. Leah was suddenly hit by a tidal wave of despair ,the dress seemed to be suffocating her and she wanted it off RIGHT NOW. She couldn't breathe. She could feel herself begin to hyperventilate.

"Leah,are you OK?" Bella asked "You're turning Blue."

Everybody on the shop floor turned to Leah who quickly yelled out something about being 'completely fine'as she dashed passed them and locked herself in the fitting room. Once there, away from Jacob ,away from the love she felt for him, away from the ache of trying to pretend that he wasn't as vital to her existence as breathing was, she lay down in the foetal position trying to regain her composure and a steady breathing pattern.

When Leah finally emerged from the changing room in her Jeans and converses Jacob was nowhere to be found.

-x-

The sun was setting over La Push when Leah heard the sound of a car pulling up on the gravelly driveway. Something inside her sank as she slowly put down the magazine she was reading. Her mother was in the kitchen at the stove stirring ,Billy and Bella were stood together chopping up vegetables and Billy Black was watching all of this from the table,where he say sipping coffee . all four were busily talking and didn't notice Leah turn an unnatural shade of pale or get up and quietly slip out of the front door. Miguel did,though .He followed her out.

"What are you doing here !" Leah said to Angel as he got out of the car. "You have to turn around now, go back to California."

Angel stretched , "We missed you too,Leah." He chuckled. "Besides you asked me to do the catering for this wedding."

"I'm not joking,you need to go back NOW. Forget the catering."

"We made an executive decision." Miguel said , as he quickly gave Angel a kiss on the lips. "How was the journey?"

Leah looked at the two men who had been her best friends and complete support system for the last three years with absolute horror "What do you mean?"

Angel looked around at Leah's neighbourhood and the forest surrounding the area "Y'know when you said you lived out yonder, you weren't lying."

Miguel lauged "Babe, that's what I said."

Leah fought the urge not to cry. "What do you mean you made an executive decision?"

Miguel and Angel looked at each other then back at Leah who was anxiously biting her lip. Miguel reached for Leah's hand "I've been watching you these last few days and there's something different about you here, Leah. You're spirit , your energy , your laugh ..it's all different when you're here with your tribe. You owe it to yourself and your mama to tell the truth but above all you owe it to her.." Miguel cocked his head towards the back seat of Angel's car, in which an infant seat resided complete with sleeping infant.

Looking at her sleeping child, Leah's heart was ready to burst with Love. But she was also consumed with fear "They'll all hate me."

"No they won't." Angel gently squeezed Leah's shoulder "Be brave Leah. Now is the time."

-x-

"Mom, Charlie. This is my good friend Angel…"Leah said, trying her best not to let her voice quiver , "He's the Chef ,the one who's doing the catering for the wedding."

Angel smiled and nodded at every person in the small room.

"Nice to finally meet you Angel." , Sue smiled, as she got up to greet him. "Thank you for doing this. We've heard such good things about your cooking."

Leah could feel her blood pressure drop."And this little Cherub here…" she said gently, as she reached up, took the sleeping child from Angel into her shaking arms and took a deep breath, "….is my daughter."

There was a collective gasp in the room. Leah paused and looked at her mother who had a hand over her mouth and was slowly shaking her head from side to side in disbelief.

Leah licked her dry lips and took a step forward, "This is my Daughter."

Watching her mother shake her head in disbelief and begin to tear up, made Leah automatically began to cry."I'm sorry Mom. You have to believe me, this isn't how I wanted it to be. I tried so many times to tell you over the phone but I just couldn't .I didn't know how…"

Through her tears, Sue held up her hand to silence her daughter.

Sue then stepped forward and although she couldn't quite look into her daughter's eyes just yet, she took the Sleeping Child out of her daughter's arms and softly kissed the chubby cheeked Infant's forehead, as she began to rock her gently.

For a long moment there was complete silence.

"Who are her people?" Sue finally asked in a shaky voice, as she looked from Leah toward Angel .The curiosity evident in her eyes.

Leah followed her mother's gaze, "No! Angel isn't her father. Neither is Miguel."

Leah hung her head in shame; She inwardly cringed at the lack of wedding ring on her finger and the less than auspicious way in which her daughter came to be. This wasn't how she had planned on telling her mother, especially when the father of her child hadn't yet been informed.

"What's her name?" Sue said, staring down at the chubby rosy cheeked infant.

Leah could hear her heart beating rapidly against her chest, "Her name is Harri with an 'I', after dad …", Leah paused to steady herself "…and her middle name is Sarah…after her grandmother."

Sue looked confused, but Bella who had so far been inconspicuously cutting vegetables at Charlie's side stood wide eyed, as if connecting the dots faster than anyone else in the room.

"She belongs to you Billy. She's your grandchild." Leah turned to the wheelchair bound man,who sat expressionless. Leah stared at her shoes as a tear slid down her face and landed at her feet. "I named her Harri Sarah Clearwater."

Billy nodded, he understood implicitly that the child had not been named a Black because she was illegitimate and was yet to be claimed by her Fathers family.

Bella who was watching the scene play out in astonishment marvelled at Billy's composure. If he was surprised or angry he didn't show it, instead he accepted the event with an unparalleled fortitude.

"Bring the child to me."

Sue who was too shocked to speak, walked over and gently deposited the still sleeping infant in his lap. And for a good long while Billy studied Harri intently; every line, curve and dimple dent. Leah watched with baited breath as he picked up Harri's hands and gently rotated them before leaving a gentle kiss on each of her little tiny palms, "She is the spitting image of her father at this age. She's perfect."

"She is." Sue concurred quietly. Evidently still in shock.

At hearing this affirmation the floodgates opened and Leah collapsed to the ground sobbing. Nothing had prepared her for this, their acceptance and kindness. For years she had tried to grow a thicker skin, build up her defences to protect herself against the inevitable scorn she imagined she would face when she finally faced the two people she respected most in this world.

It was Seth who scooped Leah off of the floor and held her in his lap as she sobbed into his shoulder. Angel looked at Miguel with relief and Charlie who felt nothing short of superfluous began to make hot sweet tea and pass them around.

"I claim her, Leah. This child is a Black." Billy said definitively.

Leah untangled herself from Seth, stood up and wiped her eyes before walking over to Billy and embracing him with all her might. With one arm supporting the sleeping child, Billy hugged Leah and patted her back.

"What about Jake?"

Everybody turned to Bella who still wore the disbelief all over her face, "What about Jake?" she asked again. This time with much more force.

The room went eerily quiet as each person contemplated the effect of the announcement on one Jacob Black.

"This will break his heart." Bella said, looking directly at Leah.

Charlie tutted ,"Ok ,Bells that's enough .I think this is immediate family business.."

Bella put down the chopping knife, as she directly addressed Billy ."Well, Jacob IS my immediate family and I can't just sit by and not say anything. He matters too."

"You think I don't know that?" Leah asked roughly.

Bella shrugged, "I don't know, do you?"

Before Leah could answer there was a thunderous knock on the door. Everybody jumped and then panicked as the thunderous knock became rapturously loud. Leah could feel her guts begin to sink. She didn't need to get the door for her worst fears to be confirmed. Looking around the room at Billy, Bella and then Seth, Leah knew immediately who it was.

Seth went to the door. They could all hear Jacob long before they could see him, "IS IT TRUE!" Jacob yelled. "Seth, TELL ME, IS IT TRUE!"

Leah wanted to pick Harri up and run away, she wasn't ready for an epic confrontation. But she didn't understand how Jacob had come to know. Then it suddenly dawned on Leah. Seth had been the snitch. Not intentionally, but he and Jacob shared an inescapable telepathy. And clearly her younger brother's shocked thoughts were much too loud.

Leah gulped as a dishevelled Jacob appeared in the doorway, Seth closely behind him.

Nobody said anything, as Jacob sought out Leah with his molten gaze. _"Is .it. true?"_

Suddenly it was as if everyone had disappeared ,leaving them alone . There really was nowhere for her to go_._Leah could hear Jacob fighting for his self- control, each syllable strained. Leah looked away,there was too much pain on his face,pain that she had put there,pain that she was about to make even worse . She looked down at her shaking hands and bit her lip as she gave a small nod.

Jacob inhaled sharply as if he'd just been sucker punched in the gut. "I need to hear you say it.."

Leah summoned a bravery she didn't feel and met Jacobs cold disconnected gaze with her tear filled one. She hesitated for a moment, unable to find the words.

"SAY IT LEAH!" Jacob yelled, as he banged his fist against the closest wall. Everyone jumped ,Leah held her breath. "Damnit,Leah…"

"We have…a daughter, Jacob." Leah said quietly, "You and I, we made a baby…."Jacob followed Leah's gaze . First he looked at his father and then at the precious cargo sleeping soundly on his father's lap. Jacob felt like he was going to be sick, violently sick. Nausea rose in his gut as the room full of people began to spin.

The look on Jacobs face went from shock to absolute horror in seconds, like he was looking at some sort of parasite.

Leah took a step towards Jacob, she wasn't sure what she was reaching out for but the look of pure disgust on Jacob's face stopped her in her tracks.

The feeling of sickness rising in Jacob began to disappear and in its place a tidal wave of anger began to crest. Jacob slowly clenched his fists as a fury he couldn't quite control began to take over his body. What started as tremors quickly became a full rattle . He backed up slowly. "I can't be here." His voice low and menacing, obviously belaying his inner struggle. The words were raw and hard.

"Jacob!" Harry called after his son, as Jacob exited the house quickly.

Before Leah had a chance to think she found herself running after him . It was Seth who caught her by the arm,stopping her. "Let go of me Seth!"

"Let him cool off."

Leah pushed Seth away with a ferocity she had forgotten she possessed. "No , I owe him an explanation. I need to see him. "

Seth shook his head vehemently "Not now ,not when he's so raw!"

"He would never hurt me. He loves me." Leah cried , "I love him."

The weight of what she had professed aloud for the first time since the night they had made love gave her reason to pause. "I love him…" she repeated again, as she raced towards the woods in search of Jacob.

It took ten minutes of sprinting until Leah was overwhelmed with Jacob's scent.

Leah stood frozen behind a tree as Jacob's fists rained down on another tree, over and over again. Once he had tired himself out, he stood still, his bloody fist dangling at his side ,as his heavy breathing carried through the air.

"Go away Leah!" Jacob's eyes were rabid, his voice low and menacing as he turned to face her,but Leah kept walking towards him. At this moment she was fearless, she had to be.

Once they were practically nose to nose, Jacob snarled , "If you know what's good for you, you'll leave me alone."

"Hit me,If it'll make you feel better I want you to hit me." Leah said.

Jacob looked at her with complete disgust, "Honey I Could hit you a million times and that wouldn't come close to the pain that I've felt every single day since you left."

"You think I haven't felt that same pain?" Leah clutched her heart.

"Then why didn't you come home to ME!" Jacob yelled, his anger palpable, "I was here, Leah. Waiting for you. Where the hell were you!"

"I was scared and confused, and I …"

"That's not good enough, Leah." Jacob cut in.

"Maybe that's all I've got." Leah said sadly.

Jacob looked at the woman he loved with all his soul for a long hard moment, before reaching out to her. He took Leah's hand gently and placed it on his heart, "It's killing me Leah…Loving you is killing me." He said quietly, his voice quivering.

Leah began to sob , "Don't say that… Please don 't say that."

"…Because I don't know how to love you and not despise everything about you..." he gently stroked the side of her face "... I hate you."

Leah stood stunned, completely incapacitated by the words that had fallen from Jacobs lips.

Jacob took a step back, he clenched his jaw and looked at the ground, "I don't want anything to do with you or… " he paused as if trying to gather strength, "… your child."

As the words left Jacob's lips he almost doubled over in pain, both physical and mental but he had to get through it, he had to at least try to unchain himself from the source of his unhappiness.

Leah couldn't stop the deluge of tears running down her face , she had to lean against a tree to steady herself. It felt like the air was being sucked out of the atmosphere, as her heart began to shatter into billions of tiny pieces. "Jake, you have to forgive me…"

" No . This thing between us stops here and now." Jacob said resolutely, not bothering to wipe away the tears falling from his eyes, as he turned his back and disappeared into the forest.

-x-

Leah had stayed curled up in the foetal position like a wounded animal, on her old bedroom floor in the dark for two whole days, actively unable to function .Her mother, Angel and Miguel took on the bulk of looking after Harri.

On the second day Sue Clearwater had scooped Leah up, bathed her, and tucked her up in bed as if she were a child and then fed her a bowl of chicken soup.

It killed Sue to see her daughter like this, and according to Billy Black, Jacob wasn't holding up any better.

Sue stroked Leah's hair as she hummed old tribal songs. "I was thinking that maybe before the wedding we could hold a traditional naming ceremony for Harri. What do you think?"

"What's the point? Jacob doesn't claim her and it's my fault." Leah said in the smallest voice. "I should have been honest with him about my fears and when I found out I was pregnant I shouldn't have stayed away ,I should have been honest."

Sue nodded "Yes, darling. Complete honesty is always the way to go."

Leah looked up at her mother and sighed. She had to do it now, in the name of honesty ,she had to purge herself from the last strike against her. "Mom?"

"Yes,Honey."

Leah sat up in bed, "About a year and a half ago I got married to a man I didn't Love."

TBC.


	6. Chapter 5 : The light of the sun

Chapter 5. The light of the Sun

**Pairing: **Leah/Jacob

**Soundtrack choice: **_Bike by Charlene Soraia_ youtube . com / watch?v=BnJYl1VlfBM

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer all the characters.**

**Note: ****For some reason Fanfiction dot net keeps chopping out words and sentences from my stories. I don't know why or how to fix this, so sometimes whole sentences don't seem to make sense. So if it does happen and it bothers you, just send me a message and I will mail you the chapter as written.**

Leah looked down at her shaking hands as she walked past the busy kitchen, dodging chefs and waiters. She couldn't believe the audacity of Sam. How dare he just show up like that? She couldn't believe it. If it was this easy for him to find her, how long would it take Jacob to find her? Would he show up unannounced too? If he did show up she had no idea what she'd do, what she'd say. Alot had happened since their last encounter . Leah let herself out of the kitchen exit and leaned against the wall next to the huge dumpsters and closed her eyes. The world was spinning.

Sensing someone standing next to her, Leah opened her eyes slowly. _Angel_. Leah sighed with relief and met his smiling face with her own.

"You OK?" Angel asked.

Leah waved her arm, " I'm fine."

Angel studied Leah for a second as if he wanted to ask a question but though better of it "You don't look fine."

"How can I not be? Harri's coming home from the hospital today!"

Angel smiled. " I still don't think you should have come to work today."

"You know I was going stir crazy sitting at home .I'm just glad my baby is doing OK and finally coming home to us." Leah reached over and gave Angel a hug. It had been a long road to get to this point, Harri had come into the world a whole 4 months early ,weighing a mere 4lbs and able to fit into the palm of Leah's hand.

Leah blamed herself; she had done this to her baby. She hadn't taken care of herself, she'd been so at odds with her own mind and body that she hadn't even realized that she was pregnant until she was almost 2 and a half months gone. She had rationalized her slight weight gain with stress eating, home sickness and lack of movement. She had quite enjoyed the prospect of a fuller figure induced by the lack of running around the woods in search of vampires.

The day Leah had gone into labour was by far the scariest of her life, and Leah Clearwater had seen some scary shit in her twenty years. Once Harri had come into the world, small, frail and vaguely bluish in colour Leah had watched in horror as her baby was led away and promptly intubated. Machinery, Wires and tubes attached to her tiny little body frightened Leah beyond compare and when doctors started throwing around incomprehensible terms like : ' Apnea of prematurity ' , 'developmental disability', 'cerebral palsy' and' intraventricular hemorrhage,' Leah had almost died. Thank goodness for Angel and Miguel. Leah hadn't really known too much about the kindness of strangers having grown up on a reservation surrounded by people she had known all her life, but these two had, for no other reason than they '_liked her spunk_' had taken her in, given her a job ,a place to live and more support than any girl had probably ever received in her life.

"I should get going." Leah said as she took a step back from Angel.

Angel rummaged in his apron pockets "Here, Your friend left this for you."

Leah looked down at the folded piece of paper in Angel's hand and grimaced; she took it and slowly opened it.

_"Leah, I can't pretend to understand your decisions. But know this, wherever you go and whatever you do, we'll be with you in spirit, strength and courage. S. x "_

The note read in Sam's messy scrawl.

Leah bit her lip, willing herself not to cry – that would lead to too many questions and she didn't want to have to lie to Angel, not when he had been so good to her. She slipped the piece of paper into her pocket and went to get her bag.

-x-

The scream had come out of nowhere, forcing Jacob to dismount his motorbike and look around. He saw nobody except a few men standing outside of the strip club, smoking cigarettes, sipping from bottles and chatting under the sonic pounding of dance music emanating from the club's sound system.

Jacob shook his head and got back on his bike when the scream came again, only this time louder .It was unmistakably a woman's high pitched trill but when Jacob looked around there was not one person on the street that seemed to react or even hear the scream over the repetitive drone of the Clubs speakers.

Jacob got off his bike and slipped the ignition keys into the pocket of his jeans as he followed the scream towards a back alley behind the club.

"Don't touch me Dave!" a young woman in sneakers and black jeans yelled, as she tried to budge her way past the hulk of a man blocking her way.

The guy- Dave grabbed the young woman's arm and pulled her close to him, "Why are you playing so hard to get? Just one kiss and I'll let you go ."

"Screw you!" The woman struggled, trying her best to retrieve her arm, much to Dave's amusement.

Jacob silently groaned, he simply wanted to go home and sleep , but clearly it was going to be one of those nights, or one of those insanely early mornings depending on where you stood.

Jacob stepped out of the shadows " Be a gentleman and let the Lady go!"

Both the young woman and the man stopped squirming and turned to face Jacob. The man gave Jacob a once over and then turned back towards the woman who looked like a rabbit caught in headlights.

"I said, LET THE LADY GO!"

The man laughed, "Or what?"

"Or you get your ass kicked. "Jacob took a step forward, "we can do it the easy way or the hard way, I'm not bothered."

The man let go of the woman's hand and stalked over to Jacob. Once in front of Jacob, the man who weighed at least a 100lbs more than Jacob nudged him hard in the shoulder and glowered. "Mind your business, and walk away. This is between me and the lady."

Jacob smiled. "Now it's between you and me."

The man nudged Jacob again, forcing Jacob to stumble backwards slightly "Beat it or you'll be sorry."

Jacob was growing irritable. "Leave the lady alone and I promise you'll still be able use your limbs in the morning." He growled.

Dave lifted his fist and with all his might threw it at Jacob's gut. On impact Jacob barely moved but the man - Dave yelped in pain as he looked down at his fist. Despite the obvious pain Dave seemed undeterred as he threw his other fist in Jacob's direction.

Jacob caught Dave's fist mid-air and began to crush it. Dave started to cry and scream in pain which only seemed to fuel Jacob. He jabbed Dave in the gut and then in the jaw, then again for good measure. Once Dave was knocked out Jacob regarded his bloodied fist for a second and then looked at the woman who hadn't attempted to move from the spot in which she stood. "He won't be bothering you again." Jacob didn't wait for a reply as he turned around and strolled back towards the club he had previously left. He needed another drink.

-x-

Once Leah got Harri home from the hospital she gently picked Harri up from her carry cot. Leah gently kissed her baby on the forehead and smiled. She didn't feel full as such, a vital piece of the puzzle was missing for that to be a possibility but she did feel satisfied, holding her beloved baby in her arms. She had never seen or felt anything so perfect. Leah Clearwater was officially a mother and strangely it didn't scare her. It just seemed so natural .Leah hadn't known she'd wanted to be a mother so badly until she held her baby for the first time. From this point on it would be her and her bundle of joy against the world.

"_Qahla'lei_.." Leah whispered Harri's Quileute name in her baby's ear and smiled. _**Sunrise.**_

The name seemed appropriate, after so much darkness Leah was filled with the warmth and light streaming from the tiny soul she had birthed.

Harri blew mouth bubbles as she regarded her mother, who in turn, regarded her just as intently. Harri was five months old and sturdy, she had a survivor's spirit, a true Quileute. She had a gorgeous round face with huge marshmallows for cheeks within which two dimples were forming, and the biggest ,warmest chocolate brown eyes Leah and ever seen. No, that wasn't true. Leah had seen those eyes before, she had seen those dimples and those full lips before. They unmistakably belonged to _Jacob Black_.

Leah felt her throat begin to close up, she couldn't breathe. Looking down at her precious little girl suddenly made her feel nauseous. Leah could feel a panic attack rising from the pit of her stomach. Slowly but with shaky hands she carefully put Harri down in her crib.

Leah sank to the floor, desperately wishing her own mother was with her as she drew her knees up to her chest and smothered her mouth to contain her mournful cry.

-x-

"Haven't you had enough for tonight ?…" Said a voice out of nowhere.

Jacob looked up and grimaced at the cute chick from the alleyway, now she had a smile on her face and had taken it upon herself to sit down next to him on the vacant bar stool. "You don't recognise me, do you?"

Jacob studied the girl for a minute, but to be honest he hadn't a clue who he was talking to. "Should I?"

The girl smiled good naturedly. "You paid me to dance for you."

Jacob looked at her blankly, he had asked a lot of girls to dance for him. Next to getting drunk off his ass it was his favourite hobby.

"My name's Nora." Nora put out her hand, but when Jacob didn't take it and still stared blankly she simply whispered the name he had bestowed upon her. "_Leah_."

All sorts of bells began to ring. Jacob went pale, and inwardly cringed "I'm sorry I didn't recognise you with…"

"Yeah ,I look different with my clothes on." The girl nodded without a hint of embarrassment, and then signalled over to the bartender.

"Is there some reason you're sitting here."

"I just wanted to thank you for helping me out back there."

"No problem.." Jacob smiled sardonically and sipped his beer.

Nora ordered a soda water and studied Jacob from the corner of her eyes. She deduced that he was younger than her by a few years but life experience had made him seem older than he was, she guessed that he probably had a fake ID tucked away somewhere and had only taken up drinking in the last few months, he hadn't been broken down by alcohol for sport like some of the other long suffering guys around the bar. This one was drinking to forget, drinking to submerge his pain. Nora knew all too well about that, she recognised herself in the beautiful man - child sitting next to her , the one who was trying so hard to pretend she wasn't there next to him, watching him , silently wondering what his story was and how this girl _Leah_ fit into it.

The two sat silently, side by side as they sipped on their respective drinks until Jacob reached for the bowl of nuts and ate a few.

"That's weird." Nora said suddenly.

"What's weird?"

"Your fist, no bruises , no nothing. I mean, the way you pummelled Dave…." Nora reached for Jacob's hand but he move it immediately.

An awkward silence enveloped them, until Nora had a lightbulb moment,"You hungry?"

Jacob looked at Nora and nodded.

"We could go back to my place and I could cook you something."

Jacob contemplated Nora for a second "Do you invite all the strange guys you dance for back to your place?"

"Nope." Nora said seriously "Only the ones that come to my rescue and look like they could use a decent meal and someone to talk to." It was true. She had never dreamed of ever taking a customer home , but for reasons that she couldn't quite put her finger she trusted Jacob, felt safe in his presence and was sincerely overwhelmed with a need to look out for him. Nora downed the rest of her soda water in one gulp, pulled out a couple of dollars from her jeans pocket and tossed them on the Bar counter then stood up. " Are you coming or what?"

-x-

It was the crying that woke Leah up from her slumber on the living room couch. After putting the baby down and sinking to the ground in torment Leah had waited a few minutes before she managed to get away from the baby who had fallen asleep in her beautifully decorated Oak crib .Once safely outside her bedroom , she had gently closed the door and curled up on the plush purple velvet sofa in the middle of the living room, praying that Harri wouldn't wake until Miguel or Angel got home.

Suddenly hearing Harri call to her made Leah feet like as monster. All of a sudden she couldn't bear the thought of seeing her own child, she couldn't bring herself to go and comfort her own child because she resembled exactly what Leah had tried to escape.

Leah covered her ears with a cushion and tried to block out the baby's sounds with her own humming as she willed Harri to stop . It wasn't working. Then out nowhere, as if God, Buddha and Allah had heard her prayers , there was a knock on the door.

"Hey Kassim, How are you?" Leah feigned a smile as she sized up her neighbour.

"Hello Miss Leah ,I borrowed this book from Angel. Could you give it to him for me?"

Leah took the recipe book and mulled it over before looking back at Kassim, a foreign student who lived on the floor below of their apartment building. "Sure."

If Leah didn't know better she would have thought that Harri was aware of their visitor because at precisely that moment her sniffling sob became a full wail that reverberated through the apartment.

Kassim looked shocked, "Oh I'm sorry to interrupt, I didn't realize the baby was finally home. I should leave you to it."

Leah could feel herself begin to panic at the prospect of being left alone with Harri,"NO! Don't rush off." , Leah yelled at Kassim's retreating form. She would have tackled him to the ground to get him to stay but the authoritarian tone of her voice was enough to stop him dead in his tracks. "You should meet her."

Kassim nodded wearily "Um, sure."

Leah moved and let him pass. Kassim stood somewhat innocuously in the middle of the room. Leah studied him for a second, he was nervous in her presence. Miguel had once teased her that Kassim had a little crush on her but she had dismissed it and went on about her day. It had dawned on Leah that she had never spent too much time with him, she'd never made too much conversation with him either, not in the way Miguel and Angel had. She and Kassim had never been alone together.

Leah led him to her bedroom and opened the door, Harri was still crying as they walked over to the crib.

"May I?" Kassim asked as he gestured to pick Harri up from her crib. Leah nodded gratefully.

Harri stopped crying immediately.

"You have the magic touch."

Kassim smiled down at the baby in his arms "Babies love me. In Kazakhstan they know this to be a fact."

Leah laughed. She scolded herself for never noticing what a lovely way her neighbour had about him.

Minutes later as they sat at the kitchen table, Leah Poured tea as Kassim rocked Harri gently from side to side and gave them the abridged version of his interesting life.

"So how long do you think you'll be staying in America?" Leah asked as she sipped her tea.

Kassim sighed sadly, "My student Visa is running out and they want to send me back to Kazakhstan in two months."

Leah gasped.

"There is nothing for me in Kazakhstan, my parents are both dead and my sisters are married. I want to stay here."

He was such a lovely man .There had to be something she could do. As Leah watched Kassim coo over her baby, she silently thought around ways to help him.

-x-

Nora blushed and quickly scooped up a pile of laundry from the sofa and quickly deposited it behind the door of what appeared to be her bedroom. "Sorry about the mess .I work really long hours."

Jacob found her embarrassment cute. He smiled "Don't sweat it."

Nora slipped off her sneakers and walked over to the little open plan kitchenette. "Make yourself at home." She said as she opened her fridge and began taking food stuff out.

Jacob looked around at the small apartment. Its décor could only be described as 'shabby chic'.Nora was clearly a fan of op shopping and yard sales. Nothing seemed to match but that all added to the charm of the small but welcoming environment. Jacob traced his finger over the form of a lava lamp, as a picture caught his eye.

"Who's that?" Jacob asked, as he began taking off his jacket.

Nora followed Jacob's gaze until her eyes rested on a framed photo of her younger self wrapped in the arms of a smiling man. "Brandon." she sighed. "My fiancé."

Jacob swallowed hard, he looked around warily "Brandon isn't gonna make a special appearance tonight is he?"The last thing Jacob wanted was another confrontation , his head was pounding and his heart was heavy. He didn't need another altercation with a jealous man to exacerbate his feelings.

"No." Nora shook her head "He's dead." She tried to meet Jacob's eyes but couldn't. He could tell from the tone of her voice that it was all still raw, she was fighting tears.

Jacob sat down , "How'd he die?"

Nora stopped chopping onions, and completely paused for a second as if gathering strength " He was a soldier. He died in Iraq." She said finally as she lit the stove and began breaking eggs. "How does a Spanish omelette sound?"

"Great." Jacob said solemnly.

Nora smiled directly at him and held out a knife "You can chop some tomatoes."

"Sure."Jacob got up and went to join her. When Nora handed him the knife he twirled it around " You know I've been awarded the Washington State Master chopper award three years in a row."

"Really?" Norah asked , completely amazed.

Jacob laughed loudly and sincerely for the first time in a long time "No."

Nora hissed ,smiled and playfully budged him to the side, then went back to whisking her eggs as Jacob continued to laugh.

Jacob marvelled at Nora , he could tell that much like him she had seen and been through a lot but yet she had managed to maintain some semblance of innocence. It was right then and there that he decided that he liked her very much. She radiated a kindness and warmth that seemed hard to come by these days.

After dinner /Breakfast had been served and juice had been poured, Jacob and Norah sat together in the living room, her on the floor with legs crossed and him on the sofa.

Nora put her fork down "Hey Jacob, Can I ask you a question?"

Jacob who was in between bites nodded "shoot."

"Who's Leah?"

Jacob immediately stopped eating.

"She's a girl you loved? "Nora kept her eyes trained on Jacob to see if she was on the right track, he didn't deny her assertion so she continued "…and she hurt you?"

Jacob winced, but still didn't say anything.

"..and she died?"

"Nope but I wish she had." Jacob retorted with more venom than he had intended.

Nora gasped. An awkward silence ensued. Jacob realized it was an awful thing to say to Nora especially when she had just told him about her fiancé but he couldn't help himself. He needed to numb the pain and in order to do that he had to constantly dowse it with anger. An anger that in many ways he had come to regard as a companion. He knew his anger like the back of his hand or the beat of his own broken heart and he revelled in it because while he was angry he couldn't feel pain.

"You don't mean that."

"But I do,Nora..because at least then I would be able to understand.." Jacob stopped talking ,unable to dislodge the words in his throat.

"Understand what?" Nora prompted.

"Why she doesn't love me back."

Seeing Jacob so vulnerable, despite how big and strong he was made Nora's heart break. She went to him and wrapped her arms around him, and held him tightly as he buried his face in her warm lavender scented neck. "You know I asked Brandon not to join the army, I actually got down on my hands and knees and begged him but he did it anyway, and I hated him for it."

Jacob pulled back and met Nora's teary pain stricken eyes with his own.

"I do understand how you feel but there isn't anything that I wouldn't do to have him here with me right now. So I know that's how you feel about Leah."

Jacob nodded slowly.

"It gets better I promise .But for those times when you feel like you can't breathe or it just hurts too much and you need someone to talk to ,come see me Jacob."

"Our own little lonely hearts club,huh?" Jacob quipped ,trying to muster a smile.

Nora threw her head back and laughed "But you have to promise me that you'll cut back on the alcohol."

Jacob avoided her steely stare and made a few non-committal grunts.

"Promise me Jacob !"

It took Jacob a moment to answer, he could really use another drink ,"I promise." Jacob said.

Nora smiled and hugged him again. It was a hug that Jacob wanted to drown in, so soft and uncomplicated. Nora didn't judge him , nor did his pain make her uncomfortable or embarrassed like it did his family and the wolf pack.

Once they'd finished eating and they'd washed and dried the dishes, Nora took Jacob by the hand and led him to her bedroom , she sat him on her bed then bent down and gently took of his boots,she made him lie down and giggled at his rigidity. "Relax. I'm not going to eat you." She smiled as she lay down next to him ,wrapped them both up snuggly in her quilt cover and lay her head on his chest . And as the sun came up and birds in distant trees began to sing, there with Nora in his arms, satisfied and warm, gently snoring away, Jacob willingly closed his eyes. For the first time in almost a year, Jacob Black didn't have a tormented dream featuring Leah Clearwater as its star. In fact that night, Jacob didn't dream at all.

TBC.


	7. Chapter 5: Lunar Cycle

Chapter 6. Lunar Cycle

**Pairing: **Leah/Jacob

**Soundtrack choice **_No room for doubt by Lianne La Havas feat. Willie Mason youtube _watch?v=pBCt5nfsZ30

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer all the characters.**

Leah was gently awoken from sleep by the vague smell of strawberry jelly and milk scented breath gently wafting up her nostrils. It wasn't until she felt sticky little fingers softly padding around her face that she truly stirred.

"Mama's sad?" Harri asked in a stage whisper.

Leah opened her eyes slowly to be greeted with Harri's big bright eyes staring intently back at her. Leah reached for Harri under the covers and gently pulled her closer. Once they were practically nose to nose Leah stroked her daughter's face and smiled softly, "No mama's not sad…"Leah lay a small kiss on the tip of Harri's nose "…Mama is happy because her favourite person in the whole wide world is here. Do you know who that is?"

Harri thought for a second, then with unbridled exuberance yelled,"Me!"

Leah laughed "Yes,you!" and began smothering Harri with more kisses. Harri, who began laughing riotously at her mother's sudden antics, backed up under the covers and managed to crawl away, far from Leah's reach and promptly sat up in bed and smiled. Her hair was messy and her mouth covered with Strawberry Jelly. She wore one of Seth's old Transformer's T-shirts as a makeshift nightie. Leah watched her daughter and felt a sort of calmness enfold her. From behind the closed curtains of her room she could vaguely make out a stream of pale sunlight peeping through the seams. Today was a new day. Today she felt stronger. Today she had lived to tell the tale and today she was a mother, albeit a mother who had for three days completely neglected her child ,unable to see past the haze of heartache ,but Leah silently promised that she'd make it up to her perfect little girl because today she was no longer bound by the fear of facing Jacob Black's inevitable wrath. He had released her. Leah felt herself get breathless and her heart lurch at the thought .he . had. released. ..her. Jacob had let her go ,Leah promptly made a decision.

She rolled over on to her back and took a deep breath. "What would Princess Harri like to do today?" Leah asked, smiling over at her beautiful little girl who by now had stood up on the bed and was steadily bouncing up and down. "Ponies." Harri said without hesitation. "Uncle Seth says we can ride Ponies on the beach." Leah got up and went over to the curtains; she pulled them open as the pale winter sun hit her with such force that she had to close her eyes. She allowed herself to soak up its rays for a second as her thoughts wondered over to the other side of the reservation, to the man who had released her. "Sure, baby. We can ride ponies." She said pensively.

-x-

Jacob sat staring into space. Not listening to Renesmee as she prattled on about a book she'd been reading, although she looked to be about 10 or 11 she spoke with a understanding and sophistication that made her seem at least 16,despite the fact that she'd technically only been alive for four years .Jacob was so lost in thought that he didn't notice Bella and Edward watching him, as they whispered amongst themselves.

"Maybe we should call Carlisle, see if there's anything he can recommend for depression." Bella said.

Edward shook his head "He's not depressed, he's hurting…give him time."

Bella frowned as she watched her best friend. "He's been sitting on our couch for the best part of three days, staring into space and not talking. He won't eat, he barely drinks. I'm worried, what if he has a relapse?"

"If he were going to go and get wasted he would have done that already instead of sitting on our couch." Edward gently rubbed his wife's back.

"Well, I'm not so sure. No matter how bad it got before, he'd always talk to Ness….but look at him now…absolutely nothing. I'm scared for him, Edward."

Edward and Bella exchanged a look, one that called for action.

"Hey Ness, could you go with your dad ?" Bella smiled at her daughter.

Renesmee who was mid-sentence looked from her mother to her father .It was serious and she was a smart girl.

"It's just Charlie needs help erecting the marquee, the wedding's almost here , all hands on deck." Edward quickly added.

Renesmee got the message and looked down at Jacob sadly "Ok. Jake I'll be back later. Do you need anything?"

Jacob didn't reply, which came as no surprise to any of the Vampires in the room.

As Renesmee and Edward exited the house, Bella sat down next to Jacob and placed a chicken sandwich in front of him. "Eat something Jake, please."

-x-

Leah entered the kitchen with Harri firmly hoisted up on her hip and paused as she took in the craziness that surrounded her. Everyone appeared to be in full wedding mode.

Every surface in the kitchen was covered with either flower arrangements, bottles of drink and food ingredients or some sort of decoration. Half the female population of the Quileute tribe seemed to be weaving in and around the house laden with wedding paraphernalia.

Leah caught sight of her mother who despite the chaos was sat at the table with Angel who seemed to be going over the wedding menu ,trying to coerce Sue into taking small bites of the samples he held out in front of her. Sue took a bite and nodded, prompting Angel to jot something down on his note pad.

"Morning." Leah smiled as she sloped over to them.

Angel and Sue looked at Leah in shock. "You're up?" Sue asked unnecessarily.

Leah nodded,"I know I've been M.I.A recently but I'm here now and I want to help." Leah quickly added .She deposited Harri on to the nearest stool. "So what do you need me to do?"

Absolute silence. Sue looked at Angel, and Angel looked at Sue. Leah rolled her eyes. "I've been slacking on my Maid of Honor duties, and I'm sorry but seriously guys, I want to help."

Sue smiled with relief, "Well I need you to pick up the cake and our dresses from the Shop, and then I need you to.."

Leah held up her hand. "I'm gonna need to write some of this down.."

-x-

Bella sat next to Jacob for what seemed like an eternity, just watching him breathe in and out . his eyes were glazed over and he was obviously away with his thoughts. It broke Bella's heart to see him like this again.

"Jacob." Bella said, gently putting her hand on his thigh. There was no reaction to her words, instead he sat staring into space ,unaffected by the world around him.

"JACOB!" She tried again, this time louder and shook him a little. It did the trick because his eyes met her eyes with recognition. Bella smiled slightly but Jacob's face remained expressionless. "You need to eat something."

"I'm really not hungry." Jacob said gruffly.

Bella sighed "You can't go on like this Jake. Snap out of it."

"And how do you suppose I do that."

Bella bit her lip, "Maybe you could go and see her, she's beautiful Jake, she looks just like you, she has your smile and everything.."

"Did my dad put you up to this?" Jacob could feel the irritation beginning to course through his veins. "Cos' if he did you can tell him where to stick it!"

Bella placed her hand on Jacob's hand, "No Jake, your dad has nothing to do with this .I know you, I know it's killing you."

Jacob snatched his hand away and stood up, "Leave it alone Bella!"

Bella followed suit and stood up too, she could see Jacob fighting himself. "So you're just going to run away, pretend your child doesn't exist?"

"Hell yeah, that's exactly what I'm gonna do." Jacob spat bitterly. "If Leah can do it, so can I."

Bella shook her head ,this wasn't Jacob talking. She stepped closer to Jacob,who in turn took a step backwards. "You don't mean that Jake,it's just the anger talking."

"Yes I do."

"So,you want to just hang out on my sofa ,staring into space feeling bitter and empty about the whole thing for the rest of your life?"

"No Bella! That's not what I want .I want the girl and the kid and the wedding ring and the white picket fence but what choice do I have? What choice have I ever had in this whole damn thing!..."Jacob's voice broke and he began to crumple.

Bella wanted to hold him, support him whilst he cried out his frustration.

"Don't touch me." Jacob said turning away.

The tone of his voice made Bella stop dead in her tracks. She watched helplessly as he grabbed his coat and flung open the door ,never once looking back at his friend as he jumped on his motorcycle and rode off.

-x-

Leah picked up the phone.

" Clearwater Residence . How may I help you?"

"Leah? It's Rachel."

Leah grimaced. The last thing she needed was a scolding from Jacob's protective older sister.

"My dad and I were talking and I'd really love to get to know Harri," Rachel began slowly, "and I know you've got a lot to do with your mom's wedding and all,so I thought maybe you'd need someone to take Harri off your hands for a while."

Leah wondered if Rachel were some kind of psychic witch or something . She really could use someone to watch Harri whilst she ran errands for her mom,but Rachel Black of all people…

"I don't think that's a good Idea. Y'know with Jacob being around and all…" Leah began.

"Jacob's not here . He hasn't been around for a couple of days."Rachel said somberly.

Leah sighed and rested her head against the wall. "I just don't think it would be a good idea . Harri doesn't do well with strangers and.." Leah looked over at Harri who was busy making a mess with a box of confetti, happily giggling with tribe members ,all of whom happened to be complete strangers.

Rachel softly _hmm'ed_ causing Leah to shift her focus back to the conversation. "I know what you're thinking Leah ,but I just want to get to know my niece while she's here .I haven't met her yet. That's all."

Rachel's proposal sounded completely appetizing and now that everything was out in the open she did want Harri to know her family, so before Leah knew it , she was promising to drop Harri off for an hour ,maybe two max, just so she could help with the wedding prep uninterrupted by Harri, and it wasn't like she was leaving Harri with a complete stranger, Rachel was her aunt. She trusted Rachel, they used to be good friends once upon a time. Harri would be fine,Leah rationalized, especially since Jacob would be nowhere in the vicinity.

-x-

Jacob drove up through the woods onto the dirt path, behind his shed. Hopefully he had dodged his father and sister, hopefully they hadn't heard his motor,the last thing he felt like was another lecture. He wanted to be alone. Carefully taking the keys out of the ignition and covering the bike with tarpaulin he quietly opened his shed and slithered towards the beat up old couch behind his work desk and closed his eyes.

-x-

"This must be the infamous Harri." Rachel smiled genuinely as she opened the door.

Leah smiled down at her daughter. "Yes, and this is Aunty Rachel. Say hello Harri."

"Hello Aunty Rachel." Harri said with a little wave.

Rachel and Leah both smiled down at the unadulterated cuteness that was Harri Sarah Clearwater.

Rachel beckoned them in and closed the door as she walked them through to the kitchen. The place hadn't changed a bit, Leah thought as she surveyed her surroundings.

Once in the kitchen Leah made a face of surprise.

"Oh that's Paul's dog _Killer_. He saved him from the shelter a couple of months ago, they were gonna put him down. "

"The dog or Paul?" Leah quipped, as she eyed the old dog snoozing besides a bowl of water.

Rachel laughed. "He's like a million years old, he's harmless, and he loves kids."

Leah nodded slowly, she'd have to take Rachel's word for it. "Is Paul around?" Leah asked, trying her best to sound nonchalant, she just didn't want any verbal altercations in front of Harri.

"OOoh Puppy!" Harri squealed as she made her way over to the dog who lackadaisically opened one eye.

"No,he's at the grocery store,picking up some bits and pieces."

Leah nodded, _thank god_, she thought to herself. "And your dad,is he around?"

"No,he's with Billy for the day,helping out."

Leah nodded again,she's known that already but heaven forbid an awkward silence should develop. This used to be easy. Rachel and Leah had always been friendly , the obvious awkwardness that had now developed between them troubled Leah. A moment passed whilst the two women avoided eye contact and stared at Harri who gently pet the dog.

"Ok,I guess I should get going." Leah clapped abruptly " I'll be back in about an hour or so . Thanks for this,Rachel."

Rachel smiled as she waved Leah off "Don't worry, Me and Harri will be absolutely fine."

And fine they were, chatting, laughing and playing. Rachel had set up crayons and paints on the kitchen table .And there they had stayed for half an hour, until Paul had returned with lollipops and Harri had decided she was bored and wanted to play with the dog in the back yard.

-x-

Jacob stared at the tiny Little girl who seemed to have appeared from nowhere walking around his shed. He rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He wasn't. He froze. His heart knew who she was instantly .He'd know his child anywhere. She was him, she was Leah, she was that almost perfect night under the moon on their deserted beach. The tiny soul in front of him was everything he tried to forget but everything he so desperately wanted to remember.

She hadn't noticed him yet, she was too busy trailing Paul's mut who had curled up on a pile of rags in the corner. He watched her quietly, silently praying she'd turn around and leave, until she momentarily lost interest in the dog and reached out to touch the chainsaw he had left lying around haphazardly.

"Don't touch that !" he screeched as he raced over to where Harri stood and picked up the saw, then promptly locked it away.

Harri stood,with her little arms behind her back, swaying from side to side completely nonplussed by the sudden appearance of a screaming man. Instead she stood, and looked Jacob over, as if studying him . "Who are you?", she asked in her innocent high pitched voice.

Jacob didn't answer right away. He couldn't remember how to, as his mind struggled to process what was being asked. She could speak! He was in shock, delayed shock but a kind of shock nonetheless. His child stood in front of him and he couldn't breathe. It felt like someone had come along and ripped his lungs out of his chest and then did a body slam on his heart. He couldn't move, he was rooted to the spot that he stood.

"Jacob…" He struggled to get the words out, coughed to clear his throat then stated again "Jacob, my name is Jacob."

Harri tilted her little pigtailed head to one side "_Jay-cup_?"

Jacob tried to stop himself but before he knew it he was smiling. He'd never heard anything sound so sweet and warm, especially not the mispronunciation of his own name.

But the warmth only lasted a second. Suddenly he was angry, he could feel the anger rising from his gut because he didn't know even know her name .He was a father and he didn't even know his own child's name. Jacob shook the last thought away,he couldn't let himself think like that, she wasn't his, she never had been and now she never would be and he had wanted it that way, hadn't he? Right now, staring into the large brown eyes of his child he couldn't remember anything that had come before."What's your name?" Jacob softened his voice and knelt down on the floor.

"Harrri Sarrrah Clearrrwat-er."

"Harri Sarah…"Jacob repeated softly . He could feel himself choke up. He hadn't expected the tribute to his own mother but it touched him deeply. "That's a beautiful name for a beautiful little girl."

Harri giggled, displaying two perfect dimples.

And just like that,Jacob Black fell deeply in Love.

-x-

Leah pulled up to the Black place and felt her soul weigh her down as she struggled to get out of the car. Once at the front door she knocked and waited. She inwardly groaned as she recognised the figure walking towards her.

"Paul." Leah nodded and greeted her former pack member as cordially as she could muster.

"Leah." Paul nodded back. He stepped aside to let her enter. "Go through to the kitchen."

Leah exhaled slightly, she had expected a sarcastic comment or some sort of dirty look…Paul was always good at that but she got nothing, maybe he'd softened. Maybe Rachel had changed him, love did that to people, or so she'd heard.

Rachel was at the counter ,stirring some kind of stew. "Hey Leah." She smiled. "You're early."

Leah nodded "Yeah, I thought I should pick Harri up.I promised her we'd go ride ponies…"

Rachel smiled and nodded "Oh, she'll love that. Hey Paul, remember the time Jacob fell of one of those and…" Rachel caught Leah's eye and immediately shut up. Paul who was leaned against the door frame looked down at the ground ._Awkward_.

Rachel cleared her throat "She's an absolute darling .Thanks for letting me spend time with her,Leah. It means a lot to me." Leah was momentarily thrown by the sincerity in Rachel's Voice . Afterall she knew exactly how Rachel felt about her, Rachel's allegiance lay with her younger brother not the woman who had spurned him.

"You're welcome."Leah looked around the kitchen expectantly, but there was no sign of Harri anywhere. "where is she?"

"In the yard,Playing with my dog." Paul said, straightening up and walking over to the sliding doors that connected the kitchen to the back of the house.

Leah followed Paul out and looked around .No sign of Harri or the dog either.

"She's not here." Leah said to Paul, already feeling the first twinges of panic.

Paul scratched his head. "She was here a minute ago,I checked on her myself."

Rachel came out "What's going on ?"

"Harri's not here."Paul said, scratching his head.

Rachel put her hands on her hips "What do you mean Harri's not here ! ?"

Leah looked at them incredulously, her guts beginning to churn"You've lost my child! ? She's not even 3 and you left her out here alone !" Leah could feel her heart begin to race ,"I swear to God,Paul. If your mut has done anything to my child I will put it down myself!" Leah said as she set off,with Rachel and Paul behind her, around the Black's property, screaming Harri's name.

-x-

Leah could feel herself shaking, The panic was beginning to rise. _Don't cry, don't panic, she's around here somewhere_. Leah told herself . She could hear Rachel and Paul calling for Harri as they ventured further afield. Leah searched in the shrubbery, she searched behind the old car shells. She paused when out of nowhere came a shrill screech .Leah followed it towards Jacob's shed, the door slightly ajar.

Leah opened the door gently and stepped inside. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the lighting but when it did she immediately saw Harri. Relief instantly washing over her like a tidal wave but the pleasant feeling didn't last that long as Jacob filled her sight .It hadn't occurred to Leah that Jacob might be there in his shed, but he was and everything inside her dropped like a stone. It was a good thing that he and Harri hadn't noticed her yet, instead their attention lay within the open hood of a car. Harri was perched up on the side a small spanner in hand.

"Ok, Harri do you wanna give it a little tap?" Jacob asked. Harri leaned over, with Jacob's support and tapped something within the car. "Tap it again,this time a little harder." Harri did it again and then squealed with delight, forcing Jacob to laugh. "Well done baby girl ."

Leah watched this scene and she couldn't help but smile .Jacob Black was glowing, in a way she hadn't ever seen before.

Suddenly something went silent. It was as if Jacob could sense her because he stopped , turned around and looked right at her. She couldn't read him, but the bond that he had severed hadn't been broken at all. It was still there, just as strong , pulling them together , only this time it was being held together by their little girl.

"Look Mama , me and _Jay-cup_ are fixing cars." Harri smiled brightly at her mother.

Leah looked at her daughter whose dress was covered in car grease and had a makeshift bandana wrapped around her head, making her seem less car mechanic and more princess pirate. Leah smiled slowly ,"I can see that."

TBC.


	8. Chapter 7: Shock waves

**Chapter 7. Shock Waves**

Shockwaves Noun:

A sharp change of pressure in a narrow region travelling through a medium

**Pairing: **Leah/Jacob

**Soundtrack choice: Wilhelm Scream by James Blake**

_**Note : Sorry for taking so much time to update, life stuff, y'know how it goes, so forgive me for any lingering errors. Enjoy.**_

Jacob gently picked Harri up from where she sat on the hood of the car and put her down on the floor. He watched silently as Leah bent down and held her arms open. Harri deftly ran into them with a giggle and a shriek.

"Hey Peanut, Did you have fun hanging out with Rachel?" Leah asked, planting a soft kiss against her daughter's forehead.

Harri nodded.

"Good." Leah said setting her gaze upon Jacob who stood innocuously with his hands in his jeans. She couldn't quite read his expression but the warm glow he had possessed when she'd entered his work shed still remained on his face, much to her surprise."Sorry if she disturbed you." Leah said apologetically.

"Don't be." Jacob said sincerely"…We had fun."

Leah couldn't stop herself from smiling softly, her heart felt full. Despite what her mind told her, she couldn't help but be filled with a sense of hope. Today had proved that. Hadn't it?

"We had fun." Harri repeated making both Jacob and Leah laugh.

The sound of their combined laughter made them both pause for a second. It seemed like forever since they had laughed together, but they had, once upon a time. But the memory wasn't enough to lull Leah into a false sense of comfort, because suddenly Jacob's expression changed. His brow furrowed and his eyes turned to turbulent ebony. As if her proximity hurt him."I'm really busy, cars to fix and everything, maybe you could…"

Leah got the message loud and clear, he wanted them to leave, more specifically he wanted her to leave. Her presence was burdensome to him, Leah didn't need to hear his thoughts to feel it. Her heart hurt. One step forward and seven steps back always seemed to be the name of the game in her life. Leah scooped Harri up and turned to leave,but doubled back around, she took a deep breath."I was going to tell Rachel to pass on the message , but since you're here and I have your attention I thought that I should tell you that we're having a small naming ceremony for Harri on the Beach tomorrow at 11am,we hope you can make it."Leah looked over at Jacob who didn't say a word for several seconds instead his gaze lay on Harri who had nestled her head on the nape of her mother's neck.

"I have a lot of work to do…" Jacob said quietly looking down at the ground, afraid that his emotions would betray him. He owed Leah absolutely nothing. At least that's how he saw it but the pull he felt towards the woman who at this moment had his heart both literally and metaphorically in her hands, was almost more than he could stand. He so wanted a drink right now.

"Oh..I understand , don't worry about it. " Leah said quickly,feeling like she'd been punched in the gut. She needed to get out of the shed as quickly as possible, she couldn't breathe. "C'mon, Harri we have to go now. Say Good bye to Jacob."

Harri scowled and stuck out her bottom lip out in a defiant pout. "No."

Jacob couldn't help but smile at his beloved Leah in miniature. The girl could do stubborn with the best of them. Before Leah had a chance to move, Harri began thrashing and twisting her body in an unexpected fit of rage. So intense was the movement of the child, Leah had to set Harri down.

Leah flushed with embarrassment. Harri wasn't one to throw fits and have tantrums; for the most part she was an easy going child.

Harri immediately ran to Jacob and wrapped her arms around his leg. "I stay here." She declared eyeing her mother defiantly.

At that moment Rachel and Paul walked through the door. Relief plastered on their faces. "There she is." Rachel said joining Leah.

"C'mon Harri, the ponies are waiting for us at the Beach." Leah implored.

Harri shook her head and held tighter to Jacob's leg.

Jacob smiled softly and with complete ease, pried Harri from his leg and picked her up. "Why the fuss baby girl? "

Harri pouted and shrugged, Sniffing for emphasis whilst resting her head on Jacob's shoulder.

Leah couldn't help but stand in amazement as she watched her child wrap Jacob Black around her little finger. What she was witnessing was textbook 'Daddy's' girl' stuff. It occurred to Leah that anybody walking in on this would assume that Jacob and Harri had never been apart and hadn't in fact met for the first time less than an hour ago. Clearly Harri had a connection to him. Blood was Blood after all.

Leah fought back tears. She could only forsee pain for her daughter's future ,she couldn't let Harri get attached to a man who said he wanted nothing to do with her.

"If you're a good girl and you do exactly what you're mommy says, I promise you can come back and help me fix my cars."

Harri lit up and beamed. "_Promesh_ ?"

Jacob held his little finger out and linked his with Harri's tiny one. "I promise." He said as he lay a small kiss upon their entwined fingers.

-x-

It wasn't long after Leah and Harri had bid Rachel and Paul good bye , Jacob had chosen to remain in the shed working, that Rachel turned to Paul and held out her hand expectantly. "That'll be $30 ,please."

Paul shook his head but pulled out his wallet, counted the money out and laid the bills on his fiancée's palm.

Rachel smiled and pulled out her Cell phone from her jeans pocket, she dialled the familiar number and waited for Bella to pick up. "Operation Blackwater is officially in full effect."

"So it worked?"

"Just like I said it would."

No one outside of them three would know that today's encounter had been meticulously planned. That Bella had planned to agitate Jacob to send him home to his shed . That Rachel had spent the morning laying a trail of chicken grease from the back porch all the way to Jacob's car shed, in the hope that the dog would follow the trail, taking Harri with him into Jacob's shed, and that Paul had managed to disassociate the latch on the door so it wouldn't lock behind Jacob, in the hope that it'd still be open to allow an old dog and a small child access to her father who wouldn't be able to stop him self from falling in love with her the moment he saw her.

As audacious and completely outlandish as Rachel's plan had been it had actually worked. Nobody had thought it would work, not even Rachel herself despite how well she knew her brother. Paul had practically begged her to 'leave it alone' but she was far too emotionally invested and had told him in no uncertain terms that she would do as she pleased.

Bella smiled, she was rooting for Jacob and Leah .She had gotten her happy ending, it was time that they had the same. "So what do we do now?"

"Sit back and wait. " Rachel said pensively, her fingers crossed .

-x-

Leah stood with Harri hoisted upon her hip, surrounded by her family and friends trying hard to, but not really listening to Abel Green, their tribal elder preach about the importance of cultural inheritance, and familial and spiritual wealth.

She had hoped in her heart of hearts that Jacob could have found it within himself to be at Harri's naming ceremony, but as she looked around at all the familiar faces her heart couldn't help but sink a little. He had made his position clear in no uncertain terms and Leah knew she had no choice but to accept it. Thank God for Rachel,Paul and Billy Black who had turned up looking slightly apologetic. There had been no need to explain Jacob's absence.

They stood proudly besides Seth, Charlie, Miguel, Angel and her mother, and for that Leah was grateful. Leah caught Rachel's eye and gave a small smile. Rachel nodded and smiled back. Leah then gently kissed Harri on the forehead and tried to tune into Abels deliverance on foundations and community.

"What is this Childs full name?" asked Abel Green

"Harri Sarah _Qahla'Lei_ ….

"…Black."

Everyone paused and slowly parted like the red sea at the sound of the authoritative bark. "Her Name is… Harri Sarah _Qahla'Lei _Clearwater-Black."

"Who claims this child?" Abel asked.

Leah was stunned into silence. When a moment passed and she still hadn't said anything Jacob step forward a little more, now they were standing next to each other. "We do." He said. "We're her parents."

He had come.

A surge of happiness raced through Leah.

Then in the ancient language of their people, Abel Green bestowed his blessing on their child and them. Once he had read out the beautiful blessing, he passed a small pot to Jacob in which held a mixture of plants, herbs and earth from the land in which their ancestors had lived and loved.

Carefully Jacob dipped his finger in the pot and with the brown mixture atop his finger he gently drew a line across Harri's cheek. Then it was Leah's turn to do the same as they recited the Quileute promise of unconditional love, taken from the passages of ancient Quileute Lore .The words that all parents spoke to their children at their naming ceremony. Yes, but also the words that were recited on wedding days between two misty eyed soul mates, the words that were whispered between two enraptured lovers in the throes of passion on their wedding night.

Leah shook with the knowledge, it never occurred to her that Jacob would be thinking the same thing until their eyes met over Harri's head. Their hearts syncing together as they had before, in the silence. Everyone else seemed to melt away as they recited the words of an unconditional, uncompromising unending love.

It was a cough that broke the spell.

Leah and Jacob looked around at the half embarrassed, half amused crowd of well wishers and blushed.

Once all the rites had been read, and Abel Green and the rest of the elders had been thanked it was everybody's turn to bestow a kiss on Harri's forehead and wish her well. Whilst Leah took Harri around the semi circle of people, she remained aware of a set of eyes following her, boring into her back. Jacob.

This time it didn't bother her. It felt nice, warm even. Hope was a hell of a drug.

Harri soon got tired of all the fuss and reached for Miguel who happily retrieved her from Leah's grasp and carried her towards the car, with Angel and Sue in tow.

-x-

The house buzzed with members of the Quileute tribe who had turned up full force to welcome Harri into the fold and celebrate the newest addition. Leah ,Angel and Miguel busied themselves setting up the buffet table and making sure everyone had a plate and a drink in hand.

When Leah got a tap on her shoulder, she smiled when she saw Jacob beckoning her outside to talk.

Once outside Leah turned to Jacob."Thank you for coming. You didn't have to but you did and that means a lot to me. Have you seen how much food my mom and Angel have made? Are you Hungry? Have you eaten? I can get you a drink…"

"Stop, Leah."

Leah drew breath and stopped talking immediately. Although he was no longer her Alpha, it surprised her how the tone of his voice still had the power to stop her in her tracks. Leah could feel herself deflate a little.

"I didn't come for you." Jacob said matter of factly, not quite meeting Leah's gaze."I was talking to Nora and she said a few things that made sense."

"Oh."Leah inwardly grimaced at the mention of Nora's name, "What did she say?"

"She said I should get my head out of my ass and man-up." Jacob chuckled a little, then stopped. He went silent and looked out towards the horizon "She asked me to imagine Harri 15 years from now, standing in front of me, asking me why I never gave a damn."

Leah looked down at her feet. "I didn't make this easy for you."

Jacob leant against a wall ."I watched her reach for your friend Miguel today and it bothered me ,I didn't think that it would but it did .It should be me she reaches out for when she's tired or scrapes her knee, it should be me who rocks her to sleep and teaches her to ride a bike. I'm her father."

Leah nodded, silently trying to catch every one of the words falling from his mouth.

"What are your plans?"

The question caught Leah off guard "What do you mean?"

"After your Mom's wedding, what are your plans?"

Leah watched the sunset on the horizon, "We'll head back to Cali, I guess."

"I figured as much. That's why I called a Lawyer." Jacob said, his eyes hard and uncompromising. "That's why I was late to the ceremony."

Leah's mouth dropped open in shock and then she closed it in anger. "What!"

Jacob straightened up and got off of the wall " I wanted to know what my rights are.I want to play a part in my daughter's life."

"As far as you were concerned , up till yesterday you didn't have a daughter. Now you're calling Lawyers ! ? " Leah stared incredulously at the man, who at this very moment ,she hated more than she loved.

"You give me no choice, You kept her away from me for two and a half years and now you're doing it again." Jacob countered, the pain etched in his voice.

He had a point that Leah couldn't argue with but she couldn't put Harri through a custody battle, she couldn't put them through one either ,she loved him too much."I don't want to take her away from you.I want you to be a part of her life. There are Christmases and Summer holidays and Thanksgivings…we could skype and there's always the telephone."

It was Jacob's turn to be incredulous. "That's not good enough for me."he said through gritted teeth. Jacob bit down on his tongue to stop himself from saying everything that begged to be unleashed. What he wanted to say was that he'd do whatever it took to make them stay in LaPush, because he was certain that being without Leah and Harri again would finally kill him, because no matter how much he hated Leah , he loved her more.

"Be reasonable Jacob, we have a life in California…I have a Job,Harri is happy and flourishing."Leah tried to muster some sort of composure.

Jacob shrugged " I am being reasonable that's why you'll be hearing from my Lawyer."

And with that he began walking up the driveway towards his car, not once checking on the damage he'd left behind.

It wasn't until Jacob drove away that Leah was able to function. She had truly been left reeling. Slowly she turned only to be met with an unexpected figure watching her.

It was Billy who had seemingly heard the whole altercation. "He's scared of losing you again."

Leah grimaced. "He has a funny way of showing it. No…He hates me, he wants to make my life as difficult as possible. I don't blame him."

Billy disagreed; he wheeled his chair out of the shadows and aligned himself with Leah. "Tell him that you Love him. Tell him that you'd stay for him, with him, if only he was brave enough to ask."Billy said.

Leah studied the wise older man, who she loved and respected a great deal, before throwing her hands up. " Sure I will Billy, when you work up the courage to tell my mother that you've been in love with her for years and that you'd rather she married you and not Charlie Swan."

Billy stared at Leah completely flabbergasted. The colour drained from his face .He looked like he'd seen a ghost.

"Not so easy, is it?",Leah said as she opened the door and went back inside to find Harri.

TBC.


	9. Chapter 8: Gravity

Chapter 8: Gravity

**grav·i·ty**

**noun** /ˈgravitē/

The force that attracts a body toward the center of the earth, or toward any other physical body having mass. For most purposes Newton's laws of **gravity** apply, with minor modifications to take the general theory of relativity into account

The degree of intensity of this, measured by acceleration

Extreme or alarming importance; seriousness

**Pairing: **Leah/Jacob

**Soundtrack choice: Maybe by Emeli Sande youtube watch?v=8QU58Nm8Hqs**

_**Note : forgive me for any lingering errors. Enjoy.**_

-x-

Leah studied Billy from a far. He didn't look angry or even slightly affected by the charge she had laid against him last night. Instead he happily sipped sparkling water as he chatted to the deputy Sheriff and his wife Karyn.

Leah had known the minute the words had left her mouth that she had been out of line, she had no right to attack Billy like that, and he had only been trying to help. Everything he'd said had been true; but being confronted with the truth when you didn't want to be was terrifying, so she had done the only thing she had known to do, and that was deflect.

Billy hadn't denied anything, he couldn't. It had been written across his face. Leah bit her lip, remembering last night. She had wanted to apologise immediately, the minute she had entered the house she had automatically turned around, ready to march outside again, lay her pride at his feet and beg forgiveness for her smart mouth but stopped herself. She had told the truth.

It had taken Billy quite a while to collect himself and come back to Harri's party but once he had it was almost as if nothing had happened, except the steely look he had given Leah as she bent down to peck him on the cheek as they said goodbye. She hadn't known how to read it, but it wasn't anger or hatred, it belied complicity between them.

Letting her eyes drift past Billy Black, Leah surveyed the rest of tonight's guests. The wedding rehearsal dinner hadn't yet begun but everyone was armed with champagne and seemed to be having fun. Leah caught sight of her mother who gently wrapped herself around Charlie Swan as he kissed her gently on the cheek. Leah smiled, Sue looked positively radiant and whilst Leah didn't particularly care for her mother's choice in soon-to-be husband, Charlie was a good man who seemed to make her mother happy.

It was the sound of familiar laughter from behind Leah that made her recoil and cringe then turn around. _Nora_. How she despised playful, smiley, shrieky, lovable Nora.

Following Nora's gaze, she watched as Jacob nonchalantly walked into the rented restaurant space. For a few seconds Leah was rendered speechless, Jacob wore a navy blue suit, she hadn't seen him in too many suits when she lived at home, but this one seemed to fit him like a second skin, his hair had been gelled back and he held himself in a way that was completely reminiscent of a GQ cover. He had made an effort. He was so beautiful it almost hurt. Leah seethed as she watched the ease with which Nora and Jacob interacted.

"Hey Frodo." Nora said playfully, reaching out to Jacob for an embrace.

"Hey Miss piggy." He smiled and pulled her close. "You look gorgeous."

"Oh, this old thing." Nora Laughed.

Leah heard the silly pet-names and watched them embrace then immediately felt sick to her stomach. She would have immediately turned away had it not been for Harri who seemed to emerge from nowhere bobbing and weaving in between dinner guests in her poofy pink party dress and shiny new shoes ,slipping and sliding over to Jacob, arms stretched wide . "_Jay-cup_!"

Jacob immediate laughed and swooped her up into the air, much to her delight. "Hey Beautiful .I missed you."

The warmth and sincerity in his voice was evident for all to hear.

"Wow, she looks just like you."Nora commented with a smile, gently stroking Harri's cheek.

"Harri, this is my friend Nora. Can you say hi Nora?" Jacob asked.

"_Hi Nor-wa" _Harri said, adorably, prompting everyone in close proximity to say 'Awww!".

Rebecca, Paul, Bella ,Renesmee and Edward gathered around to greet Harri.

The thought of Harri being so close to blood sucking vampires irked Leah. Rationally she knew that the Cullens did all they could to avoid drinking human blood but it made her uneasy, no matter how at ease Jacob seemed palming his defenceless child over to them for kisses and hugs.

Leah took a deep breath before walking over to them.

"Leah." Jacob nodded in greeting, not exactly coldly but stilted enough to disrupt the atmosphere amongst the group.

"Jacob." Leah nodded politely. She held her arms out towards Harri "If you don't mind, I want Harri to go meet my Great Uncle Walt."

Jacob grimaced but handed Harri over to Leah. He had known the minute she had said Uncle Walt that she had simply wanted to get Harri away from him and The Cullens. Her great uncle Walt was as blind as he was deaf and teetering on the brink of senile dementia.

With Harri on her hip,she turned on her heels and stalked across the restaurant to her Uncle Walt who sat in a wheelchair accompanied by a nurse who was making polite conversation with a very pregnant Emily.

With a heavy heart Jacob watched her walk away for the umpteenth time; all she left behind was the smell of her perfume. Her scent was intoxicating.

Leah took Uncle Walt's hand and stroked it gently as she balanced Harri on her lap. Uncle Walt was catatonic in his demeanour but seemed happy. How she envied him. No more pain or frustration just contentedness that would eventually fade into nothingness. Leah kissed him softly and smiled as Harri did the same.

It was Carlisle who tapped a glass to signify that the guests should take a seat around the dinner tables that had been superbly decorated by the owners of the restaurant. Unfortunately Leah had the misfortune of being seated with the rest of the Bridal party, more specifically the bridesmaids and consequently their dates. It was her, Harri, Nora, Jacob, Bella and Edward all seated around one table.

The first course was served, and whilst Edward and Bella didn't touch their meals, Nora and Jacob tucked into theirs, even occasionally picking bits and pieces from each other's plates.

Leah couldn't believe how inconsiderate it all seemed. Jacob sat there parading his new girlfriend in front of her like she was a non-entity. She could feel the rage forming in the pit of her stomach and took a sip of champagne. Leah wasn't prone to homicidal tendencies but right now she wanted to pick up her butter knife and lodge it in both their craniums.

"Mama. Drink." ,Harri tugged on Leah's elbow.

"Let me…" Nora reached for a glass and a jug of water at the centre of the table.

"No it's fine, I've got it..."Leah said, reaching for her own glass.

"It's okay...I don't mind."

"I SAID I'VE GOT IT!" Leah growled with full force an octave or three higher than she had intended.

Nora immediately put the glass down. For a second she looked like a wounded animal. Leah could feel herself burn as every eye settled on her and her overreaction. "Sorry, but like I said, I've got it." Leah picked up the abandoned jug and poured Harri some water and held the glass to her daughter's lips. She could feel Jacob's questioning gaze, but she refused to respond, she refused to let him see her embarrassment, her jealousy or how uncomfortable she was, so she concentrated on her daughter.

After the main course had been served, speeches and well wishes began. There were hoots and laughter as friends and family made toasts and gave the occasional roasting of Charlie or Sue in funny anecdotes.

When it was Leah's turn to speak she stood up, smoothed down her dress and took a deep breath. "Mom, Charlie …"Leah paused, suddenly overcome with emotion. "I am so honoured to be here tonight to witness this. This love that you guys share. It makes me hopeful, because for so long I had believed that there was a finite supply of love in the world and that you only got one chance at being happy ,and if you blew it or lost it… you might as well call it a day, but seeing you both here on the eve of your wedding makes me want to believe that there are second chances, that love doesn't ever really go anywhere , that it has the ability to transform and regenerate itself for those who are willing to be brave and claim it." Leah paused, suddenly she felt vulnerable. "..Khalil Gibran once wrote "Love...it surrounds every being and extends slowly to embrace all that shall be.", and I feel safe in saying that tonight we all feel it, maybe some of us have been inspired by it but whatever the case, we love you and wish you all the best as you embark on your new life together." Leah picked up her glass, "…To Sue and Charlie."

Sue got up and hugged her daughter tightly. "Thank you sweetheart." She whispered in Leah's ear, as everyone raised their glasses too.

Leah sat back in her seat, she stared down at her plate, so afraid to look up. She didn't need to look up to know that Jacob was watching her intently, trying to gauge the sincerity in the words that had just left her mouth.

Billy coughed and raised his own wine glass, "You'll have to forgive me for not standing to make my toast…"

Everyone laughed and smiled good-naturedly.

"Susan Clearwater, you are a gracious beautiful woman. When my Sarah died I didn't think I would ever recover but because of you I pulled through and so did my children, for that I will always be indebted to you, Charlie Swan you have been a wonderful friend for more decades then I can remember ,we've been through bad times but we've been though some wonderful times and I have no doubt that our friendship will sustain itself through whatever life continues to bring us…"

Leah's stomach suddenly dropped. She could feel the mood change, the waves of sudden determination emanating from Billy Black.

"…and since quotes seem to be the flavour of the evening I think I'll quote the great philosopher Lao Tzu, who very wisely once said "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage".. So it is with this in mind that I find my own courage, here tonight amongst you all, my friends and neighbours…"

She couldn't believe what she was about to witness. She closed her eyes, clutched Harri closer to her and hoped that Billy would wrap up his toast .She wanted the earth to open up and swallow her whole because if Billy continued to talk and it all went the way she foresaw it going then she was to blame, she had pushed him into this and that was a huge burden to bare especially when the repercussions were so far reaching.

Everyone stopped moving. You could hear the metaphorical pin drop as everyone struggled to make sense of what was being said. Leah looked over at Sue and Charlie who wore broad smiles, completely unaware of the bomb that was about to be dropped in a few short sentences.

"Susan Clearwater, I have loved you passionately, in every way a man can love a woman for what seems like an eternity."

Leah's heart skipped a beat, her mouth was completely dry as she looked over at her mother who sat, eyes wide and mouth agape. Charlie on the other hand seemed to be silently processing the unexpected declaration. Time seemed to stand still for a second as a single bead of sweat ran down the side of Leah's face.

Billy cleared his throat and continued, "It is with this passion that I ask you to please reconsider your choice to marry Charlie and marry me instead."

As the last word left his mouth and everybody gasped in shock, time seemed to speed up again for Leah and before she could so much as blink, Charlie lunged at Billy, knocking him down out of his wheelchair onto the floor. A table, plates, food and cutlery all went crashing to the floor. Members of the wedding party jumped out of the way to avoid the skirmish.

It was Jacob, Seth, Edward and Carlisle who leapt up to separate the two men rolling around on the floor trading blow for blow.

"I can't believe you! You're supposed to be my friend, my best man!" Charlie yelled as Edward and Carlisle restrained him.

Seth erected Billy's wheelchair and Jacob lifted him and put him back in it. Billy wiped a smidgen of blood away from his lip. "I'm sorry Charlie but I had to speak my truth."

"How about I speak my truth all over your face?" Charlie tried to release himself from Edwards grip but couldn't.

"Calm down Charlie." Edward said.

Leah could feel tears spring to her eyes as she looked at the remnants of what was supposed to be a wonderful evening. The rupture between the two men would be irreparable.

Sue stood up slowly, the shock written all over her face "Billy, why would you say such a thing today of all days?"

"It's how I feel Sue. I had no choice." Billy said resolutely. "I love you."

Sue nodded slowly. "I think you should go. I want you to leave right now. This minute. Please."

Billy nodded. He wheeled himself out with Jacob, Rebecca and Paul close behind him. The rest of the wedding party descended into whispers and gossip. Sue looked over at the mess that was Charlie Swan, shook her head with disappointment in the way he had handled the situation, and then fled to the women's restroom.

In Leah's eyes Billy had just committed the ultimate act of bravery. He had openly sacrificed his reputation amongst their friends, relatives and neighbours and even his longest lasting friendships in Charlie and Sue for her and Jacob. He had looked fear in the eye and proclaimed 'Fuck the consequences'. He had been brave in the hope that it might inspire her to be. Leah was both humbled and terrified; the ball was officially in her court. Looking around at the shocked wedding party, Leah swallowed the lump in her throat, handed Harri over to Angel who sat close by and got up to find her mother.

TBC.


	10. Chapter 9:Halley's comet

Chapter 9: Halley's Comet

**Noun**: Halley is the only short-period comet that is clearly visible to the naked eye from Earth, and thus the only naked-eye comet that might appear twice in a human lifetime. Other naked-eye comets may be brighter and more spectacular, but will appear only once in thousands of years.

**Pairing: **Leah/Jacob

**Soundtrack choice: I'm a fool to want you by Billie Holiday. ( Youtube  watch?v=Xs9P-pfqF6Y )**

_**Note : forgive me for any lingering errors. Enjoy.**_

Nora put her hands out in front of her as Jacob held onto her shoulders, leading her blindfolded and silent through the forest.

"Watch your step." He'd say intermittently, causing her to wonder where in the world they were heading.

After about twenty minutes of walking Jacob steadied her as they came to a stop .He gently untied the bandana he'd used to blindfold her and waited for her to open her eyes.

As Nora's eyes adjusted to the light in the small Forest clearing, and as her eyes rested upon a huge blanket and picnic basket laid out by a small river, Nora couldn't help but smile. "You didn't have to do this."

Jacob took her by the hand and led her over to the blanket "Yes I did.", He smiled "I wanted to thank you."

Nora sat down, leant over and opened the picnic hamper. "For what?"

"For keeping me alive, for being my friend, for everything..."He said sincerely.

Nora stopped rummaging through the picnic basket and looked at a slightly misty-eyed Jacob. She reached over and held his hand, "It's all been my pleasure, besides I only keep you around because you're easy on the eye!" Nora winked.

Jacob scoffed loudly and shook his head. "Is that so?"

She had the desire to know him, and looking at her, he had the desire to be known. Jacob watched, pleased as Nora laid out the food and popped a piece of turkey meat into her mouth.

"What's up?"

"Huh?" Jacob blinked, He hadn't realized that he'd been watching her so intently.

"You've got that look on your face."

"What look?"

Nora cocked her head to one side and studied his face, "The 'I've got something to get off my chest' look."

It hadn't occurred to Jacob that he was so transparent, but he'd spent a lot of time with Nora. Ever since he had come to her rescue they had spent a lot of time together. Sometimes talking, sometimes not. Occasionally they'd talk about their pasts; when he lost his mom and how his dad ended up in a wheelchair or how Nora had left home at 13 to escape her mother's lecherous boyfriend touching her , and how she had started stripping to put herself through College. She was a year and a half into a teaching degree.

But mostly, they'd just cocoon themselves up in silence and enjoy each other's company, normally with Jacob tinkering with some car part and Norah, sitting opposite, cross legged with a textbook and neon yellow highlighter in hand.

" It's not something I can share freely, but I don't want us to have any secrets…" Jacob stopped for a second, the last person he had let into the secret circle had been Bella, and at least then he hadn't had to say it directly. Bella had seen everything for herself. But today was different, he didn't care about what Sam had to say, he wanted a drama free existence, something that wasn't burdened by secret codes, pack politics and subterfuge.

Seeing his internal struggle, Nora's expression turned pensive. "You can always tell me anything, we're friends Jake. Best friends."

Jake took a deep breath."I'm a Wolf. A Werewolf." There he said it. No turning back now.

Nora looked at Jake drolly, "yeah, sure you are. And I'm a fairy Princess, I mean I always wanted to be one, so why not?"

Jacob sighed, it looked like he'd have to show her.

"Promise me you won't freak out."Jacob said as he got up and distanced himself from where they had been seated.

Nora smiled, "Scout's honour."

Once Jacob was sure he had created a safe enough distance he began to focus, breathing deep and hard, raising his adrenalin and blood pressure until he began to feel his whole body shaking with fabricated rage. He could feel his limbs elongate and harden, the hair sprout from each of his pores. He could feel himself grow and strengthen. He had become a Wolf.

Nora remained true to her word, she didn't freak out as such. She uttered not a single word. Instead she fainted, hitting the grassy bank with a small thud.

-x-

Leah smooth down the second-hand white satin dress she had found at The Salvation Army .It wasn't flashy or designer but it was decent and would do. Leah would hardly call herself vain but she had just spent three hours at a salon getting her hair, nails and make-up done. Her hair ,whilst still short hair was long enough to curl. Her nails were French tipped and neat. Her make- up was made up of pastel shades that complimented her skin tone but wasn't over the top. Admittedly, the end result wasn't too shabby. Leah could hardly recognise the young bride staring back at her.

She had never been the girl who sat around scrap-booking wedding dresses out of Bridal magazines, or daydreaming and counting down the hours until her prince charming came to swoop her up upon his white stallion and ride her off into the sunset, or at least to the town's courthouse where he would ceremoniously give her a ring and his last name. Dresses and floral arrangements had never been her thing until she met Sam Uley and even then, if she was honest with herself, she had never imagined herself with his last name .Maybe she'd been too young to expect marriage or maybe somewhere deep inside her she had known it wasn't an arrangement that was going to last. But whatever the case, Leah Clearwater had always been indifferent to weddings .Until that night with Jacob. Until she had imprinted on him and become pregnant with his cub and now all she could think was how much she wanted to be walking down an aisle towards him in a beautiful gown, surrounded by their friends and family. Her heart hurt every time she looked down at her bejewelled ring finger .

Kassim had presented her with his Mother's ring. It was a Luxe Ruby in an ornate oriental burnt gold setting. Leah had opened the jewellery box and had actually inhaled rapidly at the first sight of such a gorgeous ring.

"I can't take this. I won't. "She had refused, closing the box.

Kassim had crossed his arms defiantly. "My mother would have wanted you to wear it."

"A ring like this shouldn't be passed around. Why not save it for when you meet the woman you really love?" Leah had implored.

Kassim thought about it for a second. "I could do that, but you deserve to wear something beautiful Leah, you are a beautiful woman with a big heart and a generous spirit. Besides, it makes us seem more convincing, does it not?"

It was true .The family heirloom aspect of the story did add a depth to their fictitious romance and marriage should immigration come knocking .But something about the tone of Kassim's voice and the look in his eyes made Leah uneasy. _He had to know that this was all pretend, didn't he?_

Here and now, on the afternoon of her wedding day the ring felt like a lead weight strapped onto her body as she was dragged down to the bottom of the sea. She felt like she was drowning on dry land. So wrapped up in dread, she didn't hear her bedroom door open and close, didn't see Angel appear behind her, "Never seen a more beautiful bride in all my life."

Awoken from her reverie, Leah tried to smile, "Liar."

Angel grimaced as he read her face , "What's wrong?"

Leah looked back at her reflection in the mirror, then down at her hands. She opened her mouth, fully prepared to lie, but instead chose to confide in her friend, "I don't think I can do this."

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"But I made Kassim a promise."Leah said, sitting down on the edge of her bed.

Angel sat down besides her and took her hand in his, "So? If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. Follow your gut instinct. What's your gut telling you?"

Leah shrugged.

Angel rubbed her back, "C'mon, you can do better than that."

"My gut is telling me that my friend needs my help and that I am in a position to help so I should, it's telling me that this is a marriage of convenience and will be over before I know it."

Angel nodded in agreement.

"I don't know what I'm worried about, this is probably the closest I'll ever get to marriage, I should try and enjoy it while it lasts."Leah tried for self-deprecation but failed terribly.

Angel shook his head and tutted at Leah's poor joke. He stood up and fetched her white net fascinator from her night stand, he gently clipped it to her head then adjusted it.

"I just wish my mom was here to help me get ready and my brother was here to give me away." Leah said wistfully as she stared at herself in the mirror. She admired the job Angel had done of fixing the fascinator atop her head. She smiled up at him and raised her hands. He pulled her to her feet and hugged her.

Once Angel left her alone to go and check on Harri and Miguel who were waiting in the living room ready and rearing to go. Leah sat back down on the bed and lay back, careful not to mess up her hair. Her thoughts wondered to Jacob and her heart hurt.

Most Quileutes only married once, with the exception of those who lost their partners to death or life-long imprisonment. Even then it was a rarity. She had been raised to believe that marriage was sacred, especially to those who had imprinted. Not only was she an imprintor but also an imprintee and today, on the most important day of any woman's life she was not taking the vow to eternally love her assigned soul mate but instead she was marrying a man she didn't love at all. What would the elders think? More importantly, what would her mother say? Leah shuddered to think. Her mind wouldn't let her entertain the thought of Jacob's reaction, it was too painful.

Slowly standing up, Leah slipped on her cream high heel shoes, picked up her small bouquet and reminded herself of the very first lesson being in the wolf pack had taught her, that there was nothing nobler than acting in the service of a friend.

Leah was silent on the drive over to the court house. Once there, Kassim took a moment and thanked Leah profusely for her help ,for what seemed like the millionth time. Leah gently smiled and linked arms with him as they made their way up the steps of the court house with Angel, Miguel and a gurgling Harri in tow.

"Let's go get married." Leah said with a frothiness she didn't feel.

-x-

Nora's mind was reeling as she gently stroked Jacobs's thick coat, "So all the legends are really true. There really are wolves among us?"

The huge wolf gently nuzzled her in response.

Once Nora had gotten use to the idea, Jacob retreated further into the bush to maintain his modesty as he transformed back into human form. He quickly slipped on the clothes he had left hidden behind the rocks.

"Sorry I'm such a freak." He said as he joined Nora in the forest clearing.

Nora laughed and shrugged "It takes one to know one." Apparently her appetite had not been diminished by the unexpected revelation. Nora bit off a turkey drumstick.

Jacob wondered why he couldn't just be in love with Nora. She was beautiful, kind, always so accepting and uncomplicated. It sure would make life easier. Content in the decision he had made to tell Nora the truth, Jacob sat down and picked up a sandwich.

Nora stopped eating, "It makes me wonder if everything I've ever heard about ghost and ghouls is true. Are dodo birds really extinct? Do fairies live in these woods? Do Vampires really exist?"

"Well, I'm pretty certain dodo birds are extinct, I've never met a Fairy in my life unless you count Embry…" Jacob winked, causing Nora to roll her eyes and throw a grape at his head "…and Vampires, well…me and the boys have got them covered."

The colour drained from Nora's face. "You mean to tell me that Vampires really do exist?"

-x-

After the 'I do's' had been said, certificates had been signed, rice had been thrown and pictures had been taken, the married couple and their 3 witnesses had set off for burgers to celebrate.

Watching Kassim play with Harri made Leah wondered why she couldn't just be in Love with him .It would make her life a hell of a lot easier. He was smart, kind and seemingly crazy about her kid.

"Let's raise a toast to Mr and Mrs Yerzhan!" Miguel had said, raising his paper cup full of soda high above everybody's head. They all hooted, hollered and laughed, much to the amusement of the other diner patrons.

Leah looked down at her ring finger again, watching the ruby dazzle in the afternoon sunlight. She looked up and caught Kassim staring at her from across the table, he gave her a small smile, she smiled back finally feeling that she had made the right decision to help him. And she vowed to herself that she would do her utmost to convince the authorities that they were very much married and completely in love.

-x-

Bella studied Nora from across the table, she was pretty. Gorgeous even. Beautiful golden syrup coloured skin, full lips and huge hazel tinted eyes.

When Bella had opened the door to her dinner guests she had done a double take, for a second she had thought the girl standing besides Jacob was in fact Leah Clearwater, and then she had regained her senses and remembered that Leah Clearwater didn't have huge hazel eyes and wouldn't have voluntarily come within 12 yards of her home. Nor would Leah have made such a decidedly interesting fashion choice: A lime green, ankle length body-con dress that showcased her curves, hair piled high in a bun, dangly earrings and electric blue painted nails.

Bella studied the complicity between Jacob and his friend. To the untrained eye they could be mistaken for lovers but Bella knew better. There was no way his imprinting on Leah would allow for anything more than a companionship of sorts, and the vibe she was getting from the two was one of solidarity and strong friendship.

"So you can go out into actual sunlight and not get burnt to a crisp?",Nora asked, so full of questions that she hadn't touched her steak.

Edward leant forward and topped up Nora's wine glass. "Yes. That's a complete fallacy. A mere myth."

"Cool."Nora nodded,wide eyed.

"We are so glad you decided to come tonight, we've heard so much about you and wanted to put a face to the name for the longest time."Bella said with a smile. "How's your steak?"

Nora looked down at her plate as if she had forgotten that it was there. "Absolutely wonderful."

"How come nobody ever asks me how my steak is?"Jacob said between mouthfuls.

"Because everybody knows that good or bad, werewolves eat anything and everything.."Renesmee interjected,making a face at Jacob who laughed and swiped at her with his napkin.

"Aren't you having anything?"Nora asked Bella earnestly.

"We've…,um..already eaten." Edward stated diplomatically.

Nora bit her lip , "Oh…"

"Just to clarify,we've already fed tonight but not on people."Bella quickly added. Worried they'd scared Jacob's friend.

Nora put her fork down, " I have to admit when Jacob said he wanted me to meet y'all I had my reservations."

Bella and Edward nodded, completely understanding.

"Don't get me wrong I love Vampires.." Nora quickly added, " I mean True Blood is one of my favourite shows…"

Edward and Bella laughed, "Ours too."

-x-

Dinner had been a success. Hugs had been given, and promises of another gathering had been stated and Nora had left the Cullen residence incredibly merry.

Jacob dropped Nora home and she invited him up for coffee, which he accepted.

Once the coffee had been made and they were both seated on Nora's sofa, they rehashed the many events of the day with laughter and jokes. Looking at Nora from the other side of the sofa, Jacob was suddenly moved by her beauty, inside and out. Not to mention her bravery and open mindedness. He silently thanked the Gods for Nora Cadotte. When Jacob saw Nora slip off her shoes he used it as his cue to lift her feet onto his lap and give them a rub. Nora smiled gratefully.

"Thanks for tonight, Nor."

Nora sipped her coffee "Whaddya mean?"

Jacob smiled, "You were great with my friends,they loved you."

"They're great people…I mean vampires.Y'know Bella thanked me for looking out for you..",Nora put her coffee down on her small coffee table,then climbed onto Jacob's lap and hugged him. "And I told her that's just what we do,we look after each other."

Jacob smiled into her neck. She smelt good and felt warm . Before he knew what he was doing,he had seized her shoulders and put his lips down on hers.

Nora pulled back and slapped Jacob hard. On impact a dull thud reverberated around the gasped, then stared at her throbbing hand.

"Are you OK?" Jacob asked unnecessarily. He knew the answer.

Nora got up then held out her other hand to stop him coming closer. "Don't touch me, I'm fine." She said behind gritted teeth.

"I'm sorry, I thought.." Jacob stumbled to find the right words. He knew he had messed up big time.

"Well you thought wrong!" Nora winced in pain as she cradled her hand,trying to defuse the pain that surged through it."I can't believe you Jake. We're friends .Why would you kiss me like that?"

Jacob walked over to the kitchenette and filled a bowl with ice, Nora sat down on her couch and he kneeled in front of her. He examined the hand. It didn't look broken, just sprained and a wonderful shade of purple. "I don't know what came over me, I thought it was what you wanted. I thought it was what I wanted.."

" Wrong again ."

Jake nodded, ashamed of his actions.

"I thought you were different to other guys, Jacob." Nora shook her head bitterly, "I'm not just a dumb stripper, here for anyone's taking."

"No. I've never thought that."Jake protested. He couldn't begin to rationalize his reason for kissing his friend, all he knew was that for some reason he felt like today had turned a page for him. Like life was getting better after being so awful for so long. In a weird way he had wanted to show his appreciation to the woman who had changed his life for the better.

"I get that from shady dudes at work, I never thought I'd get that from you! I'm not LEAH, Jake."

Jacob inhaled as if he'd been punched in the gut with the name he had tried to avoid for so long, "I know that."

"Do you? Cos' right now I'm not so sure." Nora got up and trampled past Jacob to her front door where she held the door open indignantly."I want you to leave now!"

"But-" Jacob opened his mouth to speak but Nora's expression made him think better of it. Instead he got up, with his head hung low and picked up his biker Jacket. He walked to the door and crossed the threshold before stopping to face Nora. "I'm sorry Nora, I was an idiot."

Nora refused to meet his eyes, "Go away Jacob!" she screeched before slamming the door in his face.

-x-

Miguel had left to go DJ a set at Club ICE and Angel had gone to the restaurant to cover the last shift and close up. Harri was sound asleep in her crib, and had been for some time.

Leah, still in her wedding attire, sat on the floor apache style, and Kassim sat on the edge of the sofa, note cards in hand. They were testing each other for their respective immigration interviews. "Alright, here's another one: Where was I born?"

Leah dabbled in amateur dramatics as she 'umm'ed and 'ah'ed', much to Kassim's amusement. "You were born in Kazakhstan.."

"Be more specific. What city?"

"I know this ,I do."Leah rubbed her skull, "You were born in… Baikonur,a city in the Kyzylorda province of Kazakhstan, the ninth largest country in the world."

They smiled and high-fived.

"What's my favourite Ice cream flavour?"Leah asked, shuffling her quiz cards,her eyebrow quizzically arched.

"Trick question!"

"How so !?"

Kassim shook his head good naturedly,"You know full well that you hate ice cream, but you are partial to frozen yoghurt and Lemon Sorbet."

Leah laughed and slammed her cards down, "I do believe you're right. Well played Mr Yerzhan, well played."

"You too,Mrs Yerzhan."

Leah couldn't help but pause at the warmth with which he said the words,as if savouring them. _Mrs Yerzhan_, She blushed and quickly averted her eyes to her lap. The mood had suddenly changed.

Having finished quizzing each other on things that couples ought to know about each other,they both sat in awkward silence for a moment.

It was Kassim who cleared his throat and stood up, "Do you think Miguel will mind terribly if we put on one of his records?"

"No, but Harri's sleeping so make sure you keep the volume low." Leah watched him survey Miguel's huge record collection, then select a record and put it on. She smiled at his choice. _I'm a fool to want you by Billie Holliday._

"_A _man should dance with his wife on his wedding day, even if she's not really his wife…",Kassim stalked up to Leah and shyly offered his hand "May I have this dance ?"

Leah simply nodded as Kassim pulled her to her feet. Once up,he gently wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him. Leah acquiesced and allowed her head to rest on his shoulder as they slowly shuffled back and forth whilst the sounds of Lady Day washed over them.

"I think I know more about you then I do about any other subject."Kassim whispered into Leah's ear.

This was true, but Jacob knew her heart. Leah automatically berated herself for thinking about Jacob. She had left that life behind, or so she told herself. She didn't want to be upset, not today.

Leah simply smiled and closed her eyes, "Yes. And I know you."

"Yes. It's nice to feel that somebody knows me."

A few more seconds passed, as the pair slowly danced and twirled to the beautiful jazz singer's voice. Leah could feel herself completely yield to the warmth of being held in a man's arms. It had been so long since she'd been held like this and for a few minutes she wanted to relish the feeling of not being so fully alone in the world.

Leah felt Kassim suddenly tense.

"I may not be the one that your heart desires, but.."He began.

Leah's intuition automatically kicked in as her stomach dropped, "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I would make a loving husband and good father to your daughter."

Leah stepped back, out of Kassim's arms. Suddenly it seemed wholly inappropriate to be so close to him.

"I'm saying that I want this marriage to be real .I think that if you gave it some time you would grow to love me, much like I have already grown to love you."

Leah gasped, she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Kassim! What you and I have is an arrangement, a marriage of convenience."

"I know." Kassim implored "But we have so much in common, and I think we could make each other happy. At least Happier than we are right now."

"How do you know?"Leah asked taking another step back, suddenly she was finding it hard to breathe.

"Because I think you're lonely and I am too. Because I think you want someone to love you for all that you are, not in spite of what you're not…"

Leah listened to Kassim speak with such conviction that she found herself glued to the spot. She could feel tears beginning to build up. She quickly suppressed them.

Kassim came forward and stopped a few inches in front of her,"… You are not unlovable or a consolation price,like you seem to think. You are a remarkable, sensual woman who deserves the best, because you are the best."

Kassim's sincerity was intoxicating, no one had ever said anything like that to her, let alone meant it. It was as if he had seen into her soul and captured it in the palm of his hand. That's why Leah didn't stop him when he moved in and gently kissed her lips. The earth didn't move exactly but she allowed herself to be galvanized by his words and his touch and when she closed her eyes she couldn't help but imagine that she was being passionately kissed by Jacob Black.

-x-

When she woke up two hours later, naked and warmed by an unfamiliar body in her bed. Leah silently got up, wrapped a flannel robe around her body, and gently padded to the bathroom, where she bolted the door, before racing to the toilet bowl where she unceremoniously threw up. As she purged the self-loathing and regret from her gut, Leah's only thought was 'WHAT HAVE I DONE!?'

TBC.


	11. Chapter 10: Oxygen

Chapter 10: Oxygen.

**Noun**: A colorless, odorless reactive gas, the chemical element of atomic number 8 and the life-supporting component of the air

**Pairing: **Leah/Jacob

**Soundtrack choice: Let it be me by Ray La Montagne ( youtube watch?v=5LWpw3CMCEg)**

_**Note : forgive me for any lingering errors. Enjoy.**_

"Why are you sitting in the dark?" Leah asked, one hand on the light switch and the other one on her chest as her heart raced from the surprise of an unexpected person sitting around the kitchen table.

Sue, with a cigarette in hand looked up from what appeared to be a whisky glass. "Sorry Honey, did I wake you?"

"No .I just needed a glass of water. I couldn't sleep."

"Me neither."

Leah nodded at her mother's admission and headed for the dishwasher where she took out a clean glass then ran it under the faucet and watched it fill up. She took a long steady gulp, then filled the glass up again .She went and joined her mother at the table and sat down. "Since when do you smoke cigarettes?"

Sue smiled and took a long drag. "Remember the summer your dad busted Seth and Embry trying out cigarettes behind the scrap yard. These are them, I meant to throw them away but never got round to it."

Leah reached over and took the 6 year old cigarette from her mother's hand. She studied it, watching the tiny embers glow as they ignited and fell to ash. She put the cigarette to her lips and took a small drag, letting the smoke invade her throat and lungs, slowly she exhaled ,careful not to splutter and cough. "Gross."

Sue nodded.

Leah put the cigarette out, picked up the nearly full pack of cigarettes in front of her mother and ceremoniously threw them in the bin. "You should be sleeping; you're getting married in the morning."

"Yep, I'm getting married in the morning." Sue agreed but without any of the joy of a soon-to-be bride, instead she sighed labouredly and took a sip from the glass in front of her. Leah could tell the events of the evening had been playing on her mother's mind.

"I'm sorry about tonight; I wanted it to be perfect for you and Charlie .If I had known Billy was going to say all of that I wouldn't have invited him." Leah couldn't help but feel guilty.

Sue reached over the table and patted Leah's hand "Honey, Just one of those things. It's not your fault."

_Oh but it is. _Leah thought to herself.

Leah felt heavy again. Just another thing to add to the pile of other people's unhappiness that she could be blamed for.

Sue had refused to talk to Charlie as she collected her bag and coat, instead she had exited the bathroom and sailed right past him and their guests demanding that Leah take her home. It had been Leah who had given Charlie a reassuring pat on the back and whispered 'Everything will be alright tomorrow, just give her some space.'

Seth promised to get a ride with Angel and Miguel so Leah set off. On the drive back home Sue hadn't said anything and so neither had Leah. Instead Leah anxiously watched her mother through the rear view mirror. Sue sat next to Harri, but sat with her eyes closed and her head back. Once they had arrived home, Sue had silently taken off her high heels and trudged upstairs where she silently closed her bedroom door behind her. That had been a couple of hours ago.

"You know, Billy was my first…" Sue said suddenly, very matter of factly, more to herself than to Leah. She let the words hang there in the air between them.

Leah paused,trying to comprehend the non-sequitur. _First what? _It took a couple of seconds for Leah to understand what her mother meant but once she did, she gasped, which didn't seem to faze Sue who seemed trance-like but continued to talk.

"…He was so beautiful back then. I mean, really beautiful…Tall and Broad shouldered. Gorgeous skin, and the longest silkiest jet black hair I'd ever seen. All the girls were crazy about him…" Sue stopped for a second and smiled at a long forgotten memory.

Leah was shocked but intrigued ,She tried but failed to reconcile a teenage Sue and Billy with the middle aged parents she knew them now to be. She watched her mother regress back to yesteryear but said nothing, silently willing her to continue the stream of consciousness that she had begun.

"…He was always so serious and intense, always studying or talking about the legend of Ephraim Black and the Tribal council but every once in a while I'd make him smile or laugh and it was like the first day of spring, butterflies …" Sue bit her lip and locked eyes with Leah. "You know, Jacob has that same smile."

Leah nodded. When it came to Jacob's smile she knew all about the butterflies.

"…When he asked me to the spring dance I almost died, and after that we were in inseparable, I'd tell my mom I was hanging out with my girlfriends Dana or Vivian and we'd spend weekends listening to the radio and making out in his truck." Sue shook her head and laughed, which in turn made Leah laugh.

"On homecoming night we drove down to the beach and made love for the first time, right there on the sand. Completely unplanned. It was perfect." Sue blushed.

Leah couldn't believe what she was hearing. Parts of this story sounded way too familiar.

"…It was a windy night, but I don't ever remember being cold. He was so gentle and kind and warm." Sue stopped talking and took a sip of her drink, shrugged. "But, it wasn't meant to be."

Leah's face crumpled, "He broke your heart,huh?"

Sue shook her head "No. I broke his. I left him for your father."

"Mom!" Leah cried in mock consternation.

Sue released a hollow laugh. "I was young. I just wanted to laugh and dance all day, Billy was 17 going on 45, a high -schooler with a life plan .His seriousness became too oppressive for my 17 year old mind."

Leah leant back in her chair and locked her hands behind her head. Why had she not known all of this before? "Was he really upset?"

Sue nodded. "Your father and Billy stopped being friends for a long while. Then he met Sarah and had kids, and your father and I got married and had you and Seth. See, it all worked out in the end. No hard feelings…"

This made Leah smile. It spoke of the kind of man Billy Black was. So graceful and Brave. It reminded her a great deal of her own predicament, of Emily and Sam and the pain that paled in comparison to what she felt whenever she thought of Jacob Black.

"I loved your father deeply. Don't ever think for one second, that I regret a single moment of my life with him and you kids, but there was always the smallest part of me that wondered what Life would have been like if I had made a different choice, if I'd been Susan Black and not Susan Clearwater."

Leah watched her mother and welled up a little, she didn't doubt for a second the love and years her parents had spent together,nor did she doubt the love that Billy and Sarah had shared but she could easily detect the wistful tone of her mother's voice and the faraway expression on her mother's face when she spoke of Billy now. Leah knew somewhere deep down that what her mother had felt for Billy Black had never really died, instead it had lain dormant under life stuff. But tonight, it had been awakened.

"Do you think badly of me?" Sue asked earnestly.

Leah wiped away the small tear that had slid down her face and hung from her chin. "No mama, I could never think badly of you."

Sue studied her beautiful daughter who looked so very sad, "There's something I've been wanting to ask you."

"Shoot."

"This thing with you and Jacob…" Sue hesitated on the question before she bit the bullet "…Was it just a one night thing for you or was it more?"

Leah gulped, "It wasn't just a one night thing for either of us, it was everything."

And so Leah told her mother everything. Once her mouth opened she found that she couldn't stop speaking ,the words falling hard and fast like vomit as she purged herself of the details she had kept close to her heart. From how she left the party, to Jacob following her down to the beach, to her snap decision to leave. Everything.

Once she had finished she found herself breathless and light headed. Sue hadn't interrupted once, just nodded occasionally. Leah closed her eyes, scared of what her mother would say, scared of being judged. When she finally summons the courage to open her eyes to look at her mother she saw nothing but warmth. Sue exhaled softly, "What the hell is it with Clearwater women and 'Black' men , huh?"

Leah couldn't help but laugh at the _double entendre_.

"Jacob doesn't know that you love him. You have to tell him." Sue urged, tenderly.

"Why?" Leah asked. It all seemed so pointless now. She was leaving for California the day after the wedding, Jacob hated her and besides, he seemed reasonably happy with his life. Maybe it was better for him to believe that what he felt was one-sided.

Sue sighed, "Because your love belongs to him, just like his belongs to you. You chose not to accept his but at least he gave you a choice, you gave him nothing."

"Do I love him though? Imprinting isn't love."

"Loving someone isn't a choice anyone makes, baby." Sue gently stroked Leah's cheek, "Imprinting or falling in love, it's all just semantics. It all amounts to the same thing .Loving another soul so entirely that it's hard to tell where theirs ends and yours begins. But I think you already know that…" Sue tilted Leah's chin upwards to force Leah to look at her. Leah nodded and Sue released her, satisfied.

"Go get your keys." Sue stood up. She said hands on hips, a steely determination glinting through her eyes.

Leah looked up at her mother, confused.

"I doubt either one of us is going to get much sleep tonight, so I think we should do something about it."

"Like What?"Leah asked.

"I need to talk to Billy and you most certainly need to talk to the father of your child."

Leah was mortified."Mom, it's just after midnight."

"I don't care. Get your keys!"

-x-

Sitting outside of the darkened Black residence in Leah's Chevy 84, Sue rubbed her hands. Leah watched her mother, trying to figure out whether it was the January cold or the nerves that had Sue rubbing her hands together over and over again. Leah hoped it was the nerves, because maybe she'd be allowed to turn the car around.

Sue caught Leah's eye, shook her head, undid her seatbelt and stepped out of the car .Leah morbidly did the same. Once at the front door Sue knocked once, hard.

The door opened on the first knock. There sat Billy Black, staring up at them expectantly, without a shred of surprise.

Leah studied Billy's bruised face. Something about him told Leah that he hadn't been able to sleep either, from the looks of it he'd been sitting in the dark too. Almost as if he'd been waiting for them to show up.

"We need to talk." Sue said simply, stepping into the house as Billy wheeled himself backwards to allow his visitor's entry.

Once inside, Leah stared in the direction of Jacob's bedroom, "Is Jacob around?"

"Yes." Billy said, "He's out back in the shed."

_Weird_, Leah thought. _At this time of night?_

Billy caught her expression, "He doesn't sleep through the night anymore, and he hasn't for almost 3 years now. So, he prefers to sleep in the car shed, that way he can nap and work."

Leah nodded at her mother before excusing herself, softly closing the door behind. Once outside she held her breath and leant against the door to calm her nerves. Inside the house she couldn't make out the sound of any talking but could hear what seemed to be a chair being pulled out from under the kitchen table.

The walk to the shed seemed to be the longest of Leah's life.

Leah was surprised to see the shed was lit up by lamps, emanating a welcoming glow from the windows as the faint sound of _Ray LaMontagne_ filled the midnight air.

"Rachel, I told you I don't need any coffee."Jacob had his back to her when she entered, and was crouched down, shining the chassis of a car.

Leah cleared her throat. "Good, cos' I didn't bring you any."

The sound of her voice gave him reason to pause for a second. Leah hated the way he visibly tensed whenever she was in his proximity. He stood up and slowly turned around to face her. "Leah?"

"Jacob." She said quietly, stepping forward slightly.

"What's wrong? Is it Harri?" Jacob asked. Something approaching fear dancing in his eyes.

Leah held up her hands, " …She's fine, absolutely fine. She's at home fast asleep."

"Oh."He said, eyeing her suspiciously like an enemy encroaching on his territory. "Then what are you doing here?"

Leah took a deep breath. "I have something to say to you. Something that couldn't wait."

She had a whole spiel planned in her head, not a hugely articulate one, as she'd only had the 10 minute drive to think it up, but one that would suffice in communicating the inner turmoil that had propelled her actions. A speech that begged forgiveness and yielded second chances, she hoped. But standing here, staring into the eyes of the man she craved, the words seemed to escape her.

"What is it?",Jacob braced himself. When it came to Leah Clearwater he never knew what he was going to get. Today a slap, tomorrow an ass kicking, the day after ?…who knew. Right now he wasn't so sure, but she was different tonight. Her chocolate brown orbs were liquid and warm.

Any fear Leah had previously had seemed to melt away under the gaze of her beloved. She wanted him. She had always wanted him. Being able to suddenly admit that empowered her, because he wanted her too. Despite the emotional and physical distance Jacob tried to maintain she could feel it. She could feel the want and the need. She could feel his soul whispering to her, beckoning to her to come closer. Leah decided that actions were needed, because words were clumsy; words lead to misunderstanding and right now she needed to be completely understood. She inched closer to Jacob. So hypnotised was he by the warmth emanating from the woman his soul desired, he hadn't noticed that she hadn't said a word ,that she had inched closer to him, and that she was now stroking his face with unadulterated tenderness. The look in her eyes had clearly thrown him off, and now his eyes were searching and almost scared.

So Leah did the only thing she knew how to do. She gently put her hands on either side of Jacob's head and brought his mouth softly down to hers. He didn't resist.

T.B.C


	12. Chapter 11: Solar Power

**Chapter Power**

**Pairing: **Leah/Jacob

**Soundtrack choice: Heartbeats ( BoyGenius Remix) By JohhnySwim**

**(www. youtube watch?v=mtaRS8Hwzqo )**

_**Note : forgive me for any lingering errors. Enjoy.**_

Jacob stopped kissing Leah and sat up on his beat up old couch, his back to her. He leant forward as he ran his fingers through his hair. "What are we doing here Leah?"

Leah licked her swollen lips and straightened up her night shirt. "I thought that was obvious." She quipped. Suddenly feeling superfluous in her own skin.

Jacob turned around to face her, but he wasn't laughing. There was no humour here in this moment .His eyes were still molten and filled with lust but the shade had become darker, denser. "I mean, what is it that you expect from me?"

Leah took a deep breath, the raw tone of Jacob's voice grated on her. She arranged her clothes again, got up off the couch and picked up her coat from the ground, she clutched it to her bosom, hyper aware of the sound of her own heartbeat .She was suddenly embarrassed and ashamed. "I don't really expect anything from you."

The answer just seemed to agitate Jacob , he gritted his teeth and shook his head in frustration."So, this is just morbid curiosity? You just wanted to see if it'd be the same as last time or maybe you wanted to know whether my technique had improved ?"

It was Leah's turn to be incredulous. "No! Of course not."

"Well that's what it seems like to me…"

"Well you're wrong."Leah fought her basic instinct to flee, the humiliation and shame she felt trying to propel her towards the door. She put on her coat, "I love you."

The words seemed to take Jacob by surprise, the look on his face closely resembling horror. "Don't say that…not if you don't mean it." He looked broken and spent, so unlike the façade he put on during the day.

"I do mean it Jake."

"No you don't." Jacob shook his head vehemently, "I just asked you what it is that you expect from me and you just said nothing."

Leah approached him tentatively and got down on her knees, gently resting her hands on his thighs. "I said I don't really expect anything because when it comes to you Jacob Black I want everything…"

Jacob looked down at Leah's hands for a while as they gently rubbed his thigh. "I recall the night I gave you everything ,you didn't want it." Jacob got up abruptly and put some distance between them. He couldn't think when she was that close.

Leah recoiled as if she had been slapped.

Once he was sure there was enough distance between them he spoke again,"I replay that night over and over again, I go over it…", Jacob's voice broke for a second "Did I force myself on you? Make you do something you didn't want to? Did I read the signs wrong? Because If that's what happened then you have to know that I'm sorry."

Leah felt her armour dissolve, and her heart break into a million little pieces. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "No, Jacob! You didn't force yourself on me .I can't believe you'd even go there. I wanted to be with you."

A look of relief crossed Jacob's face "Then why'd you leave me like that?"

She got up from the ground and turned to face him. She wanted to go to him,she wanted to hold him but there was just too much hurt for it to be that simple. Leah opened her mouth as if to answer then thought better of it. She closed her mouth and looked down at the ground, afraid he'd see her mask slip.

"Still the same old Leah. Still Chicken Shit " Jacob shook his head, disappointed.

Leah paused. "What did you just call me?" She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. She could feel frustration bubbling up from the pit of her stomach to her chest.

"I called you Chicken shit." Jacob said with purpose. Venom behind each word.

Leah balled her fists,"Call me that one more time, and I swear to God I'll…"

" Chicken . shit " Jacob got in her face.

Leah barged past him and headed for the door.

Jacob beat her to the punch . He got to the door first and used his huge body to barricade it, intentionally blocking her exit.

"Move." Leah said simply, heat rising to her cheeks. She refused to meet his eyes with her own. Too afraid to see what they would say.

"No."

"Jacob, I swear to God…"Leah could feel her heart rate speed up "… Move or I will move you myself."

Jacob chuckled, not because he found their predicament funny but because it was all he could do to keep from killing her. "I'd like to see you try. You're the one who came to me. You're the one who kissed me." He said low and heavy."Did you honestly think I was just going to let you run away again without an explanation?"

"I wasn't running. I was walking." Leah replied with a smugness she didn't quite feel, dropping her arms and putting her hands on her hips in challenge. She knew it'd be a hell of an effort to take him down and besides he was right, She did come to him and now she owed him an explanation for her actions. So if she wanted to escape this situation she was going to have to use her brain and not her brawn. But words always escaped her when she was in Jacob's proximity, that's what had gotten them into this godforsaken mess in the first place.

Jacob had never wanted to hurt a woman more than he wanted to hurt Leah Clearwater at this very moment. He wanted to wipe the smug, self satisfied look from her face and then he wanted to tackle her to the ground and ravage her with every inch of angry passion he felt raging through his veins. He shook the thought away. "You still can't do it. Can you? You still can't be honest with me."

Leah made a lunge for the doorknob but was intercepted by Jacob's huge hands. "Move, Jacob." Leah warned.

"No."

"I IMPRINTED ON YOU!" Leah exhaled as if she'd been sucker punched. She took a step back and waited a second. She watched the words set into Jacob's psyche. She watched him try to comprehend what she was telling him. What it meant. "That's why I left, are you happy now!?"

The question was redundant, there still wasn't an ounce of happiness to be found, there in Jacob's mechanic shed.

"Don't you ever call me Chicken shit again…" Leah continued, "… Leaving my tribe, leaving my home, leaving my family, leaving YOU was the bravest shit I have EVER done." Leah gasped for air as the words left her mouth.

Jacob seemed to slump, fold into himself as if deflated by the words Leah had just uttered. He walked past Leah, dazed.

"You were right, this thing between us …Let's call it a day."

"What?" Leah followed him. "Let me explain."

Jacob sat down on the couch again. "You imprinted on me and you still found the will to leave. I guess that says it all."He refused to meet her eyes; instead he kept his eyes trained on his scuffed black boots.

Leah felt Jacob slipping away from her. What had just been a roaring fire was now a snow blizzard. She sat next to him. With her hand she gently tilted his face towards her so he had no choice but to look into her eyes.

She wanted him to see her sincerity, to know that she was telling him the absolute truth."I left because I didn't think I deserved you."

Jacob looked at Leah incredulously.

Leah bit her lip as it quivered slightly; taking a deep breath as she summons her bravery and continued to talk.

"You think I left because I didn't love you? No Jake, I left because I did." Leah put her hand on her heart, "I had been in love with you for a while, I hadn't imprinted on you back then but I was falling hopelessly in love with you. You saved me when you broke away and made Seth and I apart of your pack, you stopped me from going insane with grief, you gave me something to channel my energies into, you were my very own knight in shining armour. I told you things I'd never even thought of telling anyone else. You made me feel safe, you made me feel normal…"Leah stopped speaking for a second. She wanted to gauge Jacob's reaction. His beautiful brown eyes studied her face intently urging her to keep talking.

"…I was in love with you. But I knew it was only a matter of time before you imprinted on some lucky girl and I couldn't be there, I couldn't be around to see it happen again, not after Sam and Em. I didn't think my heart could take it…"

"You still should have said." Jacob cut in.

"And what would you have said!?" Leah demanded.

"I would have said that I was falling in love with you, too !" Jacob all but spat.

Leah paused.

Jacob paused. He hadn't intended it to come out as rough as that, but that was how he felt.

It took Leah a few seconds to gather her thoughts and begin talking again ,"…The night I left the party was the night I had decided to leave, it was going to be easy, I figured no one would miss me right away, everyone drunk and having a good time,I was going to go down to the beach to pay my respects to the ancestors, then I was gonna slip away…I didn't count on you looking out for me …I didn't count on you following me down to the Beach…"Leah bit her lip to stop herself from crying but one solitary tear managed to rise to the surface.

Jacob gently wiped it away with his thumb. "I'd already imprinted on you by then. I wanted to be near you."

Leah nodded, "I imprinted on you while we were …", she stumbled on the words. "…_making love_." A frisson passed between Leah and Jacob as the joint memory of their one night together resonated between them.

"…It scared the hell out of me. It was so unexpected, I was unprepared, I kind of assumed that I'd be alone forever, that no one would ever want me and I thought that I was OK with that, until…"

"Until I jumped you."Jacob said sadly. Suddenly mad at himself. He had suspected how fragile her state of mind had been."I handled that badly, it wasn't planned. When it comes to you I just can't control myself .I'm sor-"

"Please don't ever apologise for that." Leah held her finger up to his lips to silence him. "It was perfect. You were perfect."

"But you still left."

Leah nodded, "My father died because of me. Sam stopped loving me. The guys in the Wolfpack tolerated me. I figured it'd only be a matter of time before you saw what they had all seen in me. So I left you before you had a chance to leave me."

"I would never leave you." Jacob said with such steely determination that Leah's heart lurched inside her chest.

"Not by choice, Jacob. I wanted you to have a choice."

"Loving someone is never a choice that anyone is given,Lee."

Leah paused as she listened to Jacob echo the same sentiments that her mother had a few hours earlier.

"Thank you Leah."

Leah looked at Jacob,confused "For what?"

"For finally letting me in. I just needed to know that what I felt wasn't imagined. All in my head. That it wasn't one sided, that you and I made love that night. That I had you, all of you for just a little while…now I can set you free." Jacob winced as if in pain and stood up.

"What do you mean you're 'setting me free' ?" Leah demanded, she could feel herself begin to panic. This wasn't what she wanted.

"Leah Clearwater, I have loved you with everything I am for almost three years and for that entire time it was all about me; how much I loved you, how much I needed you, how much I wanted you by my side. Never once did I stop to think about what you needed, and what you needed was your freedom. You needed to leave. I can see that now."

"What if I don't want to be set free?"Leah asked pointedly.

Jacob shook his head "You don't have to do this Lee. I get it. I won't bother you anymore,I want you to be happy. I'll call off my Lawyer, we'll be adults, we'll work something out for Harri…Like you said, there are Christmases and summer vacations. We'll all be fine."

Leah shook her head despondently; this was not how it was supposed to go. She watched as Jacob turned his back to her and pretended to busy himself at his work bench .She knew he wouldn't dare look her in the eye again ,not when he had lied to her face. They wouldn't be fine ,couldn't be fine with all this love going to waste.

"Ask me to stay Jake." The words came out in a whisper, but when Jacob still didn't turn around Leah decided to speak a little louder."I love you Jake, ask me to stay !"

Jacob said nothing. He couldn't bring himself to pull her down, not when California seemed so good for her, he loved her too much to take away her happiness ,even if it was at his expense.

"Ask me to stay, Jake" Leah implored over and over again as the sound of tears infiltrated her voice.

Hearing her so upset broke Jacob's resolve; he went to her and engulfed her in his arms. He couldn't be without her, she was his heart, the mother of his child, his soul mate. He gently tried to wipe away her tears with his hands but they wouldn't suffice so he used his lips, starting on her cheekbones, down to her lips, then her throat and lastly the base of her neck where his own lips found their home. "Stay with me, Baby . I love you." He said against her neck in between kisses.

It was the sound of Leah's groan that sent him over the edge; before she had the chance to answer he covered her mouth with his, hungry for all her kisses. Their tongues met and mated as their hands roamed freely.

Jacob had ignited something animalistic and feral in her. She wanted him. She wanted to feel their connection . They had a lot of time to make up for. The shed wasn't the most romantic of locations but it would do.

Before Leah knew it, Jacob had cupped her ass and in one svelte move had her flat on her back, as he lay on top of her, ravaging her mouth.

Suddenly he stopped.

Leah cupped his face "What is it?Why'd you stop?"

"I can't do this Lee."Jacob sat up.

Leah tried to catch her breath. He wanted her, she could tell and not just because she had felt him harden when he was on top of her; but because their passion galvanized them both, there were no need for words, a wonderful perk of imprinting. "But I want you."

Jacob smiled wholeheartedly, "I want you too. It's just that the next time I make love to you, I want you to be Mrs Jacob Black."

Leah grimaced and turned an unsightly shade of green as she sat up, and turned away from Jacob

"What is it,baby?" Jacob asked, rubbing her back.

Leah ran her hands through her hair and turned to face Jacob as she gave him a gentle kiss on the lips "You know that I love you."

Jacob nodded; his eyes were tender and warm.

"I need you to not get mad."

Jacob studied Leah's face. Where there had just been butterflies now lay impending doom. "Why would I get mad?"

"I can't marry you. At least not yet."

"Why?"

Leah took a deep breath before answering, "Because I'm technically already married."

TBC.


	13. Chapter 12: Perfect Darkness

**Chapter 11. Perfect Darkness**

**Pairing: **Leah/Jacob

**Soundtrack choice: Perfect Darkness by Fink**

_**Note : forgive me for any lingering errors. Enjoy. P.S. HAPPY BELATED NEW YEAR.**_

The walk back to Leah's car was a pleasant one. Although they didn't talk or hold hands they maintained a physical closeness that they were both temporarily satisfied with. Once they got to the car Leah turned to face Jacob, he stood in front of her, a small smile on his face, his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

Leah smiled back. A cool night time breeze rushed past them dispersing strands of Leah's hair as it went. Gently, Jacob lifted his hand and used his fingers to gently tuck the strands behind her ear. His fingers lingered on her face, Leah used the opportunity to twist her head and softly kiss his hand. In a matter of second Jacob's warm chocolate stare turned molten black. He took a step back.

"I really want to kiss you." He said behind gritted teeth, the frustration growing in the space that separated them.

"Then kiss me!" Leah implored. She closed the space between them and wrapped her arms around Jacobs waist. "Despite what that marriage certificate says I belong to you. Kiss me Jacob….kiss me."

Jacob couldn't resist her, he loved her.

Just as their lips touched, Jacob's front door flew open and out rushed Sue Clearwater looking flushed and on the verge of tears. Leah and Jake sprung apart.

"Sue!" Billy yelled after Sue as she fled towards the car without acknowledging him and his call for her to stop. Instead she marched around the car and stopped in front of a very shocked Leah and Jacob, held out her hand and demanded the car keys. "Keys. Now!"

Leah and Jacob exchanged a look.

"Keys!" Sue demanded.

"Sue, Let's talk about this. Please!" Billy called.

Leah looked from her mother to Billy. _What could have possibly happened?_

"Keys!"Sue demanded again.

Leah began rummaging in her pockets. "What's wrong, mom?"

Sue didn't answer instead she grabbed the keys when Leah finally located them, then got into the drivers' seat of the car.

"Mom, what's wrong?" Leah asked again this time she was worried. She had never seen her mother like this, shaken to the core and on the verge of crying.

Jacob looked over at Billy Black who sat in the doorway of their home also looking on the verge of tears. "Dad?"

"Get in Leah." Sue started the engine, "…Get in or you can walk home."

Leah walked round to the passenger seat, got in and put her seatbelt on. The minute the belt clipped into place Sue put her foot down on the accelerator, she sped away leaving the Black residence a mere spec in the rear-view mirror.

"Mom, You're driving like a crazy person!" Leah cried.

It was as if Sue hadn't heard her. Her hands held tightly to the wheel and her eyes , although on the road seemed to be focussed somewhere else. She seemed to be accelerating and not slowing down.

"Mom!" Leah cried again "Slow down!"

A deer ran out into the road and stopped. Blinded by the impending headlights of Leah's car heading towards it.

"STOP!"

Sue still didn't seem to hear , instead she carried on like she was being chased by her own personal demons. Leah quickly grabbed at the steering wheel, and tried to divert the course of the car as it got closer to the deer. The car shook and swerved to the other side of the road, closely missing the dear who used the opportunity to sprint into the woods.

Sue jerked as if snapped out of her revelry and pumped down on the breaks , the car didn't come to an immediate stop instead it continued to swerve and screech .When the car did finally come to a halt Leah said a silent thank you to God that there were no other road users on the road this early in the morning. She placed her hand over her rapidly beating heart, and looked over at her mother who seemed to be in a mild state of shock , her hands shook and her whole body seemed to rattle.

Leah undid her seat belt then reached over and undid her mothers. She gathered her mother in her arms. "Won't you tell me what happened?"

Sue didn't answer the question instead she took a few deep breaths. "I think you should drive us home. I'm getting married in a few hours."

"Ok." Leah said, still worried.

The rest of the drive home was silent and calm. Leah tucked her mother up in bed, kissed her on the forehead and then checked on Harri who was peacefully asleep. It did occur to her to crawl into bed besides her baby girl but she knew sleep wouldn't find her , not with all the adrenalin racing around her body.

Leah silently trudged back down to the still dark kitchen. She didn't turn on the light. She sat down at the table and reached for her mother's abandoned whiskey glass and emptied the small remnant into her mouth. Leah wasn't a drinker by any means but tonight had been enough to push anyone towards alcoholism. Unsatisfied, she got up and sought the whiskey bottle from the cabinet and fished Seth's old cigarettes out of the trash and lit one.

She inhaled the cigarette and smoked it down to the blunt then gulped down the glass of whiskey she had poured herself. Enjoying the unfamiliar feeling of mild intoxication Leah got up poured another glass, lit another cigarette and headed for the front door which she gently closed behind her.

She sat down on the porch, rested the glass of whiskey beside herself and took a puff of the cigarette. She stared up at the night sky, marvelling at the perfect darkness that never existed in big cities. The stars were out. She suddenly wished Jacob was there with her, staring up at the sky with her, maybe with a blanket wrapped around them whilst she rested her head on his shoulder and he rubbed circles into her back. Leah shook her head and cleared the thought away, then took another puff of her cigarette. Wishes like that were going to have to wait until after her divorce…

"_What do you mean 'married'?" Jacob asked. Leah could tell by the tone in his voice that he was trying his best to not jump to conclusion, remain neutral until she had explained herself._

"_I mean married, like a registry office, a white dress and a marriage certificate…"_

_Jacob stared at Leah like he was trying hard to comprehend the words coming from her mouth. She could feel him growing cold like he was drifting far away again. Leah quickly grabbed Jacobs hand and placed it on her heart, "It's not what you think. I don't belong to anyone but you, just like you belong to me.."_

"_That would be true, except it's not."Jacob said curtly. "You married another man.."_

"_It's a marriage of convenience. I only married a friend so that he could stay in the country."_

_Jacob reluctantly warmed as Leah relayed the events of the last couple of years. How she had met Kassim Yerzhan, how he had helped her with Harri in the early days, how he was in danger of getting sent back to Kazakhstan and how she had wanted to return the favour of kindness to somebody so deserving._

"_So there you have it, I married another man and I don't regret it."_

_Jacob stared at Leah for a long hard moment, "You wouldn't be my Leah if you did." He said finally, softly as he leaned over and kissed her forehead. Leah's heart galloped when he called her 'MY Leah'. She was his, had always been._

"_So what do we do? What's the next step ? What about an annulment?" Jacob asked_

_Leah went quiet.A point she had omitted still gnawed on her conscience, tonight had to be the night that all their old ghosts were laid to rest if they were ever going to have a future."I need to be honest with you because I love you and I don't want there to ever be any secrets between us again."Leah said in one breath._

"_What aren't you saying?"_

_Leah took a deep breath before biting the bullet. "We consummated the marriage, we had sex…"_

_Jacob got up abruptly with such force that Leah almost toppled over._

_He moved away from her, his hands clenched, his chest heaving as he struggled for air. He was trying to keep his anger in check, trying to prevent himself from feeling rage, from yielding to the basic instinct of becoming a wolf._

_Leah got up to go to him but he held out his hand "NO!" he yelled._

"_Don't be angry,Jake…"_

_Jacob shook his head as he continued to pace"I'm not angry."_

"_It only happened once, a while ago. It was a moment of weakness, I missed you so much and I thought I would never see you again…you have to believe me."_

_Jacob stopped pacing and looked at Leah "I do believe you baby." He said with such honesty and tenderness that Leah threw caution to the wind and went to him. She wrapped her arms around him and smothered him with kisses,he didn't push her way but didn't return the fervour._

"_I lied to you just now. I am angry."_

_Leah stopped kissing him._

"_But I'm not angry at you. I'm angry at us."_

_Leah nodded._

"_I've got a confession of my own to make…"_

_Leah could feel everything within her head south. She felt queasy waiting for the bomb to drop,she knew what he was going to say before he even said it._

"_When you left I couldn't deal so.."_

"_You slept with Nora didn't you !?" Leah cut in quickly, hoping the effect would be that of peeling off a band-aid quickly but it wasn't._

"_No. Not Nora. Never Nora, she's just a friend."_

_That was something at least._

_Jake told Leah about Nora and how she had saved his life, given him hope and nothing but friendship._

"_So…Who?"_

_Jacob paused. Shame ran across his face. "I can't remember all of their names."_

_It was Leah's turn to be enraptured by jealous rage. She stepped back."How. many. were. there?"_

"_There were more than a few.I was always blind drunk so I don't quite remember.."_

_Leah gasped for air and leant over like she was about to puke. She wretched and heaved but nothing came up,she slowly stood up._

"_I had to be inebriated because alcohol made the pain go away, those girls made the pain go away because I could pretend for a while that they were you, that you loved me…"Jacob began to tear up which in turn made Leah cry. _

_She stopped being angry instead she just felt sad for them. This could have all been avoided . She went to him and wiped his tears, then cupped Jacob's face. "What's done is done. From this point on we forgive and we forget."_

_Jacob nodded and Leah smiled. "I love you Jacob Black."_

"_I love you Leah Clearwater."_

_That's all Leah needed to hear before she captured Jacob's lips against her won. What started as a soft ode to forgiveness became a roaring requiem to passion and renewed hope. Jacob drew her in towards him and steadied her by grasping her hips, Leah ran her hands through his hair as her tongue diligently found its way into his mouth. Jacob tried to fight the feeling but it all felt so immense._

"_We can't do this." Jacob pulled away._

_Leah groaned, frustrated. "Why not?"_

"_Because I was serious when I said that the next time I make love to you I want you to be Mrs Black." Jacob said, gently stroking Leah's face. "When we do make love again I want it to be unencumbered, I want to be the only one who has a claim to you."_

_Leah closed her eyes and rested her head on Jacob's shoulder, her arms wrapped around him before releasing him. " I want you and you want me …." Leah let her eyes travel southwards "…so until I get my divorce, no kissing or hand holding, hugging or touching or generally being in the same vicinity."_

_Jacob laughed. "Exactly."_

_Leah sighed. "Fine. Walk me to my car."_

Leah opened her eyes and jumped slightly. Jake appeared to be standing right in front of her. She hadn't heard his motorbike roll up or his steps as he'd approached her. Behind him the sky had given way to a soft purple with hints of red and blue. It was almost the beginning of a new day.

"You were miles away." Jake said , he smirked. the same smirk that made her want to tear his clothes off with her teeth. Leah smiled as he sat down besides her. "What were you thinking about?"

"You." Leah said holding his gaze.

"You smell like cigarettes." Jake said low and husky, staring at her lips. He looked hungry.

"I'm considering taking them up."

"No you're not."

"No I'm not."Leah agreed with a smile.

They laughed.

"I talked to my dad, he told me what happened."

"What'd he say?", Leah asked.

Jacob relayed the events of the night to Leah who studied Jacob's profile as he looked out towards the horizon as he spoke. Once he told her why their parents looked so shaken up she put her head in her hands. Shocked but not surprised. She couldn't help but feel responsible, she had challenged Billy at her mother's expense.

"It's not your fault."

Leah sighed "I think it is."

Jacob stood up and faced Leah, he extended a hand "Run with me"

Leah looked at his hand then up at him. She knew exactly what he was asking her, to phase and be a wolf .She hadn't been a wolf for years and the prospect of going back to who she had been, to what she had been scared her a little. "I can't, Jacob. I'm sorry."

"Why?"

Leah looked up at him and remembered their newfound policy of complete honesty. "I'm scared."

Jacob crouched down in front of her "Do you trust me?"

"With my life."

Jacob smiled, stood up. He took off his leather jacket, and then took off his shirt. Leah couldn't peel her gaze away from him, and in the dim light of the early morning he was perfection. Aware that her gaze lay on him , he kicked off his boots, slowly unbuttoned his jeans and took them off, then slid down his underwear until he was completely naked in front of her.

This was only the second time Leah had really looked at Jacob Black naked and she blushed.

"Run with me Leah."

Leah stood up, a little shaky on her feet. She took off her coat, then her t-shirt. Slowly she unhooked her bra and dropped it to the ground. Her jeans and panties followed suit.

There they stood for a while , taking each other in. There was a lot to be said about being emotionally and literally naked in front of another person. They had done it all.

"You're so goddamn beautiful..." Jacob said in awe.

Leah was frozen under the weight of his regard, she had never felt so beautiful or so desired. She smiled. "…yep, that's me. Beautiful and really ,really …fast." Before Jacob had a chance to say anything else Leah ran past him phasing as she fled, laughing.

Jacob followed close behind, phasing quickly as he followed in hot pursuit. They ran through the bushes, around the trees, over the streams and through the everglades, all the while laughing and goading each other to move faster, harder.

"_C'mon , move it Clearwater! You're getting slow in your old age."_

"_Look Black, I could teach you a few things."_

"_Ha! I wish you would.."_

"_Be careful what you wish for."_

Leah took the opportunity to pounce on Jacob and send them both rolling down a hilly brook. As they rolled and fell they playfully nipped at each other until they came to an unceremonious halt with a thump on the ground. Phasing back into human form they lay side by side laughing, trying to catch their breath.

It was Leah who sat up first. She smiled down at Jacob who lay staring up at her. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Before he had a chance to object, Leah quickly stole a kiss. Jacob didn't say anything, so Leah took another liberty and kissed him again. This time for longer, while he still didn't say anything, he did kiss her back with equal passion.

"We have rules." Jacob smiled against her lips.

"We have rules." Leah agreed. "But what were they again? I forget."

"No kissing…"Jacob said as Leah kissed him again, full on the lips.

"No hand holding..." Jacob said again, as Leah straddled him and intertwined her hands with his as she delivered another kiss. "No hugging or touching…"

Leah bit down on his bottom lip "Baby, right now I don't care for those rules."

"Neither do I…"

They had tried to fight it. Maybe not hard enough but here they were, together and so in love . There in the same forest that they had played in as kids and patrolled in as wolves, Leah Clearwater and Jacob Black made long-awaited passionate love to each other as the winter sun came up to illuminate the morning sky.

TBC.


	14. Chapter 13: Halcyon days

**Chapter 12. Halcyon Days**

**Pairing:** Leah/Jacob

**Soundtrack choice:** Halcyon by Ellie Goulding

(Note: Forgive me for any lingering errors. Enjoy. )

They had walked back in human form; hand in hand, lackadaisical and warmed by the afterglow . It came as no surprise that their discarded clothes were now folded neatly in separate piles next to two steaming mugs of coffee. Leah smiled and looked past the porch, and although she couldn't see her mother, Leah was certain that Sue was already up and buzzing around prepping for the wedding.

"Come inside." Leah smiled, pulling on her jeans, "Come have breakfast with us."

Jacob stopped buttoning his shirt and considered the proposition, "I'm not sure your mom would be down with that. I don't want her to feel awkward on her wedding day."

Leah bit her lip. It made sense. Billy and Sue had already had one hell of an altercation; her mother didn't need to be reminded of that over the breakfast table.

"Is it weird that I wish my mom was marrying your dad today?"

"Yes." Jacob smiled, "But what's weirder is that I've been wishing the same thing."He grabbed Leah by the waist and pulled her towards him until they were chest to chest, body to body. "It'd make us siblings."He whispered against her lips.

Leah wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled. "Well, I've never wanted to do any of the things I just did to you with my brother."

"Do you know what I want to do to you right now?" Jacob asked, mischief twinkling in his sleep deprived eyes.

Leah groaned as his lips made their way to her neck, "I think I have an idea…"

-x-

A short while later Leah watched Jake drive off on his motorcycle before she went inside. When she finally got inside, she put the two empty coffee mugs on the side board and rested her back against the front door, revelling in the memories of their bodies entwined. If she closed her eyes she could swear that she still felt his warmth and smell on her skin.

"Where the hell were you?" Miguel dropped his fork and cast a discerning eye over Leah's dishevelled appearance, "You look very…hmm,I don't know…different."

Sue who stood by the sink with rollers in her hair, sipping a cup of strong coffee smiled. "Everything OK?"

Leah blushed slightly, "Everything's good."

Sue nodded knowingly. "Good."

There was knock on the front door."That'll be Felicity, she's doing my make-up."Sue put her mug in the sink and walked towards Leah.

"You should have invited Jacob in for breakfast."Sue whispered and gave Leah a good natured squeeze on the arm as she headed to the door.

Leah picked up a plate and handed it to Angel who spooned scrambled egg and bacon onto it. "More."

Leah felt ravenous, not like she could literally eat a horse, but just hungry for life, for love. Her thoughts wondered back to Jacob and she marvelled at the way she felt when she thought about him. She had gotten no sleep whatsoever but still managed to feel so vital and ready to face the day and he was a huge part of that.

"Well someone's got an appetite this morning." Angel noted as he spooned some more egg onto her plate. Leah smiled.

"What's that?"Angel reached out and pulled a few blades of grass from Leah's hair.

"Stone cold Busted!" Miguel laughed.

Leah blushed.

"I went for an early morning run." Leah picked up a fork and began to eat.

Angel rolled his eyes "In Jeans and flats? You can't kid a kidder. Been there done that."

Miguel got up and hugged Angel from behind, "Yep, when we first started dating we used to go on 'early morning runs' all the time."

The three friends laughed and ate until they were interrupted by a groggy toddler who decided that she'd much prefer an ice cream sundae for breakfast and not some wholegrain cereal. Leah was in such a good mood that she willing obliged her daughter's outlandish request of two scoops of vanilla ice cream, strawberry syrup and sprinkles.

Within the hour the house was filled with people helping prep for the wedding, as well as Bella and Nora who had to be the living, breathing definition of excited.

Nora's non-stop talking and gushing didn't irritate Leah like it had before; in fact she quite enjoyed Nora's enthusiasm.

After they had bathed Harri, gotten her dressed and adorned her pigtails with flowers and feathers, Leah took Nora aside.

"Nora, I wanted to apologise for being a bitch." Leah began.

Nora fiddled with her fingers, "That's a strong word. I wouldn't say 'Bitch' exactly."

Leah smiled which in turn made Nora smile. It was easy to see why Jacob loved Nora, she was just so naturally warm and such a good person. Leah was glad that they had found each other.

"Jacob told me what you did for him. I wanted to thank you."Leah said.

"Oh I didn't really do anything."

Leah leaned forward and hugged Nora tightly which surprised them both. "You kept him safe for me, you kept him safe for Harri. Thank you."

Nora got a little choked up, "You're welcome."

"I hope we can be friends." Leah said sincerely.

"I'd like that."

The women separated and smiled at each other, until Bella came along. "Why aren't you dressed yet?"

Leah looked down at her jeans, then at Nora who wasn't dressed in her bridesmaid gown but had her hair and make-up already done, which put her ahead of Leah by a long shot.

Seth came in, only half dressed and looking slightly confused "Does anyone know how to do a bow tie?"

"I can." Bella smiled "Alice made me practice like a million times." She took Seth's hand and led him out of the female changing area.

Leah looked over at her mother who seemed displaced. While all the women buzzed around her and fussed over her she seemed like she wasn't completely present, as though her thoughts had carried her miles away. The expression she wore on her face wasn't the one of an elated bride but of a woman who was heavily burden.

"Mom?" Leah asked, gently touching her mother.

Sue jumped slightly as she came back to herself. "Hmm?"

"Are you alright?" Leah asked, studying her mother's demeanour.

Sue feigned a smile, "Never better. Could you pass me my Champagne please?"

Leah nodded and handed her mother a Champagne flute that had been resting at her side as her hair got styled. Leah watched her mother demolish the liquid in one huge gulp.

Something was clearly wrong. Her mother lacked the frothy bouncy zing that she had possessed a few days ago, but before Leah had time to properly analyse the situation Bella came bounding towards her, her bridesmaid dress on a hanger. Leah took it with a smile, and then went to go get dressed.

-x-

Leah slipped on her heels and made her way downstairs, dodging the last of the tribe members carrying trays of food and floral arrangements out of the house. She shrieked slightly when a set of strong arms pulled her waist from behind. It was Jacob, dressed in a black tuxedo. His hair was slicked back and he smelled good enough to eat. Leah could feel her body involuntarily react to him. He was holding his finger up to his lips to signify that she should be quiet. She laughed and playfully slapped him.

He took her hand and led her towards the garage door. Once they had gone through into the garage he gently closed the door and in one svelte move had her backed up against it. His kisses were hot and urgent, first on her neck and then on her lips.

"You're going to mess up my make-up.." Leah giggled, half-heartedly trying to dodge Jacob's amorous advances.

"I missed you." Jacob said against her lips.

Leah stroked the side of his freshly shaven face, "I missed you too." she let out a soft groan as Jacob's wandering fingers slowly found their way north of her thighs.

Hearing Leah moan was all the permission that Jacob needed. Taking his cue, he hitched up her skirt, and hoisted her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he balanced their weight. "How long do we have?" Jacob asked stealing another kiss.

"About ten minutes." Leah moaned.

Jacob grinned devilishly, "Just enough time."

-x-

Ten minutes later Leah and Jacob emerged looking flustered and slightly dishevelled but blissfully happy, their fingers intertwined as they made their way into the living room.

There in an expectant huddle stood Bella, Angel, Miguel,Nora and a blushing Seth.

"Stone cold Busted!" Miguel laughed for the second time that morning. Bella smiled warmly and Angel tried his best to stifle a laugh.

Jacob and Leah smiled at each other and then at their friends with not an ounce of shame on their faces. "Where's Harri?" Leah asked, catching a sight of herself in the clock on the wall. She quickly smoothed a few fly-away strands of hair.

"Upstairs with mom." Seth replied still blushing while avoiding eye contact at all costs, " Mom's been asking for you…"

Leah immediately let go of Jacobs hand and made her way quickly up the stairs. She knocked gently before pushing her mother's door open. She clutched her heart as she looked at her mother, luminous in her cream coloured wedding gown. Sue Black was a beautiful woman and a heavenly bride .Leah brought her hands towards her mouth in amazement, ready to gush but stopped herself the moment she saw the look on her mother's face.

"What's wrong mom?"

Sue put her hands together as if in prayer, "I can't do this…"

Leah paused. "What do you mean 'you can't do this'?"

Sue shook her head ferociously. "I can't go through with this…"

Leah could feel her heart stop in her chest; she slowly sat down on the edge of her mother's bed to steady herself. "What are you saying?"

Sue looked Leah straight in the eye and spoke with frightening Clarity. "I can't be Mrs Swan. I can't marry Charlie today."

Leah felt like she was going to be sick. Nearly 250 guests were currently arriving , expecting Susan Clearwater to marry Charles Swan. "You love Charlie, he makes you happy."

Sue nodded, tears beginning to form in her eyes. "I do love Charlie but I think…" Sue stopped talking unable to dislodge the words from her throat.

"You love Billy too."Leah said, feeling a wave of compassion. She knew what it was like to battle between her head and heart.

Sue nodded as tears fell down her cheeks , taking her mascara with them. "I think I need to go see Billy again. Will you drive me?"

Leah opened her mouth in astonishment, "Your wedding starts in about 30 minutes, we don't have time!"

"Yes we do…"Sue said with a steely resolve, "Let me go get my keys from my purse, meet me in the garage in 2 minutes."

Leah silently watched he mother leave the room in search of her car keys. She glanced over at Harri who sat on the bed quietly singing to herself and playing with her grandmother's jewellery box, oblivious to the rising sense of doom that Leah felt. By the end of today someone was going to have their heart irreparably broken. This wasn't good, this wasn't good at all.

To be continued.


	15. Chapter 14:Horologium

**Chapter 14. Horologium**

**Horo.**_**log**_**.ium** is a Latin transliteration of the Greek[1] word for clock (Horo [ὥρο]- meaning _hour_ and logium [λέγειν] meaning _teller_ [horologium= the hour-teller]

**Pairing: **Leah/Jacob

**Soundtrack choices: **Belong to the world- The Weeknd

watch?v=lYO77zNhWl4

-x-

"You had no right to kiss me like you did." Sue said without preamble. Her hands on hips.

They both knew she was referring to what had happened, after the rehearsal dinner, what had caused her to flee and almost kill a deer.

Leah and Jacob exchanged uncomfortable looks as they mentally deliberated on the appropriate time to give their parents some privacy.

"You kissed me back." Billy said flatly.

The colour drained out of Sue Clearwater's beautiful russet coloured face. She abruptly turned to face both Leah and Jacob who both looked mortified. "Could you please excuse us?" She asked, the shades of embarrassment tinting her high cheekbones.

Leah and Jacob didn't need to be told twice as they edged their way towards the exit of Billy's home.

"Stay!" Billy barked with such authority that both Leah and Jacob stopped dead in their tracks. "I want you two to bear witness to this moment; I want you to hear everything." He looked at Sue defiantly, challenging her. "I am not ashamed. I kissed you and you kissed me back."

Sue gasped. "I was taken aback."

"What is it that you want me to say Sue?"

Sue suddenly found that she couldn't answer, it was a loaded question. She had known that he wasn't enquiring about her disposition. He was calling her out; he wanted to make her say it.

"If it's an apology that you want you're not going to get one. When I kissed you I meant it…."Billy smiled slightly, softly at the memory ."…and for a few moments I think you meant it too."

He looked at Sue arresting her with his eyes. It unnerved her because for a few second it felt as though he were looking right through her and now there was nowhere to hide.

Without blinking Sue straightened up, "I love Charlie. I'm marrying Charlie today."

Billy grimaced. "If you love Charlie half as much as you say you do, why are you here?" His eyes were hard and questioning. He told himself to stay strong, resolute ,to not let his voice betray him.

Sue looked down at her wedding dress as if it were her first time seeing it, and used her hands to smooth down invisible edges. "Leah, Jacob. Excuse us, please." She said again. This time her voice was soft and imploring.

Leah went to her mother and placed a protective arm around her "Are you sure?"

Sue nodded.

"You've got ten minutes, Mom. Fifteen tops."

Sue didn't say anything , she simply nodded again and waited for Jacob and Leah to exit the house, softly closing the front door behind them.

Sue walked over to Billy and with as much force as she could wield, slapped him clear across the face. The impact seemed to shock them both. "You are a selfish _selfish_ man, William Black!"

Billy hardly flinched; instead he tentatively reached for her hand scared, not that she would slap him again but that she would snatch her hand back. She didn't, instead she allowed him to gently lift her trembling hand towards his mouth where he lay butterfly kisses on it. The only sound between them was the sound of Sue's breathing which became heavier with every kiss. She found herself fighting for air, her head trying hopelessly to keep up with her heart.

He took her ring finger in his mouth, slowly, deliberately. As if taking claim he sucked gently, then a little harder, as if trying to absorb her _faux_ anger. His gaze never wavering from hers as he did so. It had to be the most erotic thing Sue had experienced in years, it left her reeling, dazed and confused. She didn't notice that he had stopped and had pulled her onto his lap with an unparalleled ease.

A moment passed without either one saying a word.

Sue shifted on his lap and sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted "You make me feel like a sixteen year old girl."

"What's so wrong with that?"

"I'm a grandmother."Sue shifted so that she could look Billy dead in the eye.

Billy laughed, "The sexiest grandmother that ever walked the earth."He began stroking her hair and for a few seconds Sue allowed herself to be galvanized by the memory of how it felt to be close to the man she had loved many moons ago.

Sue blushed and shook her head. "Don't." She got up and stepped back slightly trying to create some distance. "We're not crazy teenagers anymore, Billy."

"Neither of us is what we were back then."Billy looked down at his defunct legs and the wheel chair they inhabited.

"Is that why you never pursued me?..." Sue began, but stopped.

"Is what?" Billy asked confused.

Sue nodded her head towards his feet, "The chair.."Sue gently rested her hand on the chairs arm rest. "Is this why you never asked me out after Harry died."

Billy felt suddenly ashamed, he hadn't intended for any of this but he had come too far to turn back now. "Yes…that and respect for my friend."

"Bullshit." Sue scoffed "Harry has been gone a good long while. You were scared!"

-x-

"Stop pacing and come sit down." Jacob called to Leah from the Log on which he sat.

Leah went to Jacob who smiled as he opened his arms to her."This is all my fault." she whispered into his neck.

"No it's not."

Leah shifted in Jacobs lap. "Yes it is. None of this would have happened if I had never come back."

Leah immediately felt Jacob tense. She bit her lip immediately regretting the careless sentence she'd uttered. "I didn't mean it like that."

"It's alright" Jacob said curtly but Leah didn't need to look into his eyes to know that she had hurt him.

"It's not alright." Leah sighed and reached for his hand. "I just can't stand the thought of being the reason for anyone else's pain. This time it isn't just you and me, it's my Mom and your Dad and Charlie too. It's my fault."

Jacob was silent for a moment as he contemplated their entwined hands . "I love you just like my Dad loves your Mom and that's worth going to war for. Sometimes there has to be a bomb dropped, explosions everywhere, blood and guts spilled before there's a happy ending."

"Emphasis on the blood and guts, huh?" Leah got off of Jacobs lap, wrapped her arms around herself and began pacing up and down again.

"Jake?"

"Yes."

Leah stopped in front of him, "Do you really think there will be a happy ending?"

Jacob's eyes met Leah's, "I hope so." He said pensively. Something told Leah that he wasn't just alluding to their parents.

-x-

"…You heard me, you were scared." Sue said again, feeling a slight satisfaction at her analysis.

There was nothing for Billy to say. Sue was right. He had been scared, terrified, petrified and every other variation of the word. He had been scared that he wouldn't be man enough for her, couldn't be even if he tried. As far as Billy Black had been concerned Susan Clearwater deserved everything, she deserved to be swept off her feet both literally and figuratively and he was wheelchair bound, just a middle aged cripple on disability benefits.

Billy took a huge breath, "Yes. I was scared."

The look on Sue's face was priceless. She hadn't expected him to show his hand and be so vulnerable so soon. "Of me?" She asked softly.

"Yes. You scared me Sue. You always have. You scared me so much that I told myself that I would never be able to make you happy. You scared me so much I let another man woo you in front of me while I sat idle. You scared me so much that I smiled and congratulated you when he offered you his ring and last man, you scared me so much that I lied to myself ,told myself that I was indifferent, that I could go on living without you by my side but guess what? I'm not scared anymore Sue. I love you."

Sue sat down on a chair, overwhelmed and speechless as a single tear made its way down her face. "When Harry died I didn't think I would ever be okay again, I didn't think my kids would be okay again but they had you. I had you and we got through because of you."

"I had no ulterior motives. I adore your kids."

Sue gave Billy a small smile. "I know." Sue wiped her eyes. "I would watch you gently rub Seth's back or hold Leah's hand or dry her tears and I would get…" It was as if the words were lodged in her throat.

"…Jealous. You wouldn't touch me. You'd never touch me and it bothered me and I never knew why."

Billy smiled without mirth, "I was scared I'd give myself away. If I held you, even if it was just to console you, I was certain that I wouldn't be able to let go. How would that have looked? The Cripple lusting after his best friends grieving widow."

"Don't call yourself that."

Billy shrugged "I am a Cripple. Even now I think I could hold your attention mentally and spiritually but sexually.."

"..So this all comes down to sex!?" Sue asked throwing her arms up in exasperation. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. MEN!

"Not all of it but some of it. C'mon Sue! You're a virile woman who deserves to have the man in her life satisfy her every whim. I remember when we were kids your appetite was epicurean, I barely kept up."

Sue laughed, "I may have had the appetite but you were always the creative force. All we had was your cramped truck and the will to be together. What was it that you used to say to me?... "Baby Girl , All I need is my tongue, five fingers and three good minutes."

They both laughed, but then suddenly it wasn't funny anymore and they blushed. The air had changed, it became warmer, charged.

Sue got up off of her seat, she turned her back to Billy, she couldn't look at him. "I can't believe I'm here having this conversation with a man who is not my fiancé."Sue shook her head, disgusted at herself, disgusted by her hearts infidelity."Charlie is a good man."

Billy nodded in agreement. "Charlie is a good man."

"And I love him." Sue added as she lost the fight to contain her tears. She turned back to face Billy, she wanted him to see what he was doing to her. "But…I love you too."

Just then there was a knock on the door and it opened slowly. It was Leah who looked apologetic until she saw the state of her mother's face. "Mom? Are you Okay?"

Sue didn't say anything instead she wiped her tears and straightened her dress.

"It's time." Leah said softly. "We have to go."

"Sue…?" Billy asked, fear in his voice.

Sue nodded at Leah and gave one quick glance at a bewildered Billy. "I have to go". She walked past Leah and out of the door towards the car.

"I'm sorry."Leah said gently to Billy as she closed the door behind her. Her heart heavy and pounding in her chest.

Jacob held the car door open for Sue without saying a word, the look on her face said it all."I think you should stay with your Dad, I think he needs you. I'll call you later."Leah whispered to Jacob. Jacob nodded but stayed outside to watch them drive off before entering his home.

-x-

It wasn't a long journey back to the house but to Leah it seemed impossibly long, in this moment where no words could be found to fill the chasm of heartbreak.

Sue said nothing. She was no longer the giddy blushing bride; instead she looked world weary and sad.

Once home, Leah thanked her lucky stars that everybody would now be at the wedding, which gave them time to fix her mom's make up. But Sue was having none of it. Leah watched as Sue went straight to the Liquor cabinet and poured herself a drink.

Leah didn't know what to say or do. Instead she sat silently and watched her mother swig as she dialled the phone .

"Charlie? I need to talk to you, now…. It's important…I'm not joking….Now….Right now. It can't wait, please…Yes, face to face…Please…It's important…OK…Now…I'll be waiting… ."

Sue waited for Charlie out on the Porch, practically holding her breath until his car pulled up and he got out. He was beautiful. Charlie Swan looked devastatingly handsome in his tuxedo, and clean shaven face. "You know this is bad luck, right?" He smiled as he climbed the small steps to greet his Fiancée.

Sue gave a small smile as she reached up and gently cupped his face. "You know that I love you, don't you?".

Charlie looked worried but nodded "What's wrong Honey? Everybody is at the Church waiting for us."

Sue took a deep breath and bit the bullet."I'm so sorry Charlie…",She began as she gently took her wedding band out of its small box and kissed it. A tear slid down her cheek and ricocheted off of the princess cut diamond ,forcing it to sparkle in the winter sunlight."I can't marry you. I won't marry you. I'm sorry."

**TBC**


End file.
